‘Hear, hear,’ Mel agreed, along with everyone else.
‘It’s not what it sounds like!’ I protested, wishing I’d never said anything. Panicking at what Nathan would say when the women started making comments. ‘Nathan’s helping me with my anxiety. I’m getting over severe agoraphobia. And because despite living as a recluse with no friends for the past three years, I still have a smidgeon of pride dragging along with me, I insisted I return the favour.’
I went on to explain how the wine and cheese night was a challenge for both of us. I actually put on a dress (another online order, but I’d ordered five dresses in the hope one would fit, which this did), blow-dried my hair, got in a car and ventured more than a mile out of the village, to a place that I would never have been able to contemplate going without Nathan.
Nathan wore a shirt and allowed me to direct him to a local country club, famed for its snobbery and snootery. He sampled all six types of full-fat, pure-dairy cheese, only two of which were organic, and every time he noticed my anxiety popping up, he took my mind off it by eating something else. We had to ask the waiter for an extra plateful.
And then, after we’d spent an hour or so (fifty-seven minutes, if we’re clock-watching) chatting and trying to distract ourselves from freaking out by making up stories about all the other guests, I insisted we dance.
‘Oooh,’ Bronwyn sighed. ‘I bet Nathan’s a smooooooth dancer. Did you swoon in his arms?’
‘It was the end of the night. They were playing “Livin’ on a Prayer”.’
‘That is so romantic!’ Mel clasped one hand to her chest. ‘Me and Mr Malone walked down the aisle of Grace Chapel to that when we were eighteen. It were our song!’ She let out a honky sob. ‘Only ’e didn’t make it, no matter how hard ’e sweared. Or prayed. And ’e did both. A lot. We did only get halfway there, thanks to the shit-evil cancer. See, I’m swearing just thinkin’ about it. Close your ears, kids.’
‘That’s enough to make anyone swear, poppet,’ Marjory said, next to Mel on the sofa. She offered her the box of tissues from the coffee table, and by the time we’d passed it round, I hoped we’d moved on from my extracurricular activities, especially given how they didn’t seem to think it was as innocent as I’d thought they would.
‘So, was it romantic?’ Dani asked, blotting her mascara smears. ‘Did you sway in his hunksome arms?’
‘I told you, there is nothing romantic about this! If Nathan thought there was, he’d ditch it in a heartbeat. And even if there was the slightest bit of interest on either side, you lot know he’s one hundred per cent professional.’
‘That’s true,’ Selena said, nodding her head like one in the know. ‘However much chemistry Nathan has with one of his clients, he won’t budge an inch. He’s like a robot.’
‘I can fully concur with that. It was the most robotic I’ve seen anyone move while not trying to dance the robot,’ I agreed.
‘Boo!’ Bronwyn said. ‘I can’t believe he’s a rubbish dancer! That is SO not what I imagined!’
‘I can’t believe you’re surprised,’ I replied. ‘He’s hardly Mr Uninhibited.’
‘That’s a good point. Maybe when he’s able to let his guard down, the super-sensuous-sexy Nathan slinks out.’
‘I would not like to meet that Nathan.’ Mel pulled a face.
‘Please, ladies,’ Marjory huffed. ‘Show your coach some respect. We do not need to discuss Amy’s date like schoolgirls.’
‘So, what happened after you danced?’ Mel asked, giving Marjory a friendly nudge.
I shrugged. ‘We chatted a bit more, then he drove me home.’
‘Without the tiniest hint of frisson as he said goodbye?’ Dani asked. ‘Did he run round and open the car door? Walk you down the path? Linger on the doorstep and tell you what a lovely evening he’d had, his voice slightly rough, his expression one of wonder?’
‘He did not. He pulled up, said “See you Sunday” and drove off once I’d summoned the strength to open the car door and heroically got myself down my own drive.’
‘Ah, well. We can always dream,’ Dani sighed.
‘You lot need to get your own love lives, stop inventing ones involving Nathan,’ Selena scoffed.
‘Says her!’ Mel whispered, loud enough to cause every single person to duck their heads and hide their smiles, apart from Selena, who suddenly became very engrossed in what appeared to be an enraging phone message, and Audrey, who shot me a lightning-quick worried glance before hastily continuing to stare at a blank space on the wall as if completely oblivious.
* * *
Everyone left shortly after that, to my great relief, as stomachs were beginning to rumble and there were only three mince pies left. Having my first ever houseful of guests had been exhausting, but as I curled up on the sofa with a mug of butternut noodle soup, the chatter and the bustle still faintly echoed through the empty rooms. I had been an adequate hostess, I reflected, and hadn’t even embarrassed myself or visibly freaked out. I thought I had made everyone feel welcome. More importantly, I couldn’t believe that these women had chosen to welcomeme. To count me as one of their own. It was so overwhelming, so stunningly wonderful, that it almost stopped me thinking about Nathan and our evening together on an endless, revolving loop of mushy drivel.
Almost.
Once Joey got back, no doubt after discerning that I’d had an unusually good day, he succeeded in interrupting my thoughts where I’d failed by bringing up the subject of seeing his dad again. This time, without me there to ‘make me feel guilty for not thinking he’s Despicable Dad’. Sean posed no threat, physically at least, and I didn’t think a couple of hours after school could cause Joey any lasting emotional harm. But, oh, it was hard. A first, tiny, step towards co-parenting my child.
36
