I couldn’t contact Cee-Cee. Not yet.
22
Stop Being a Loser Programme
Day Fifty-Nine
Cee-Cee was still shuffling about in my head the next morning. I trundled along near the back of the Larkabouts flock, trying to ignore Nathan’s concerned glances.
So, when Dani made her usual invite to stay and have a drink in the Cup and Saucer, safe in the knowledge that dawn was a good hour away, I overruled my needling anxiety and said yes.
The fear was there, even as I ordered coffee and a cranberry granola square and found a seat with a decent escape route to the door. Chuntering in the background as Mel worried about Jordan’s new girlfriend (‘she’s all about herself, that one, Jord should know better’) and Dani showed off the photos of her niece’s Nigerian-style wedding (five hundred guests, and a whole lot of party), I did my best to ignore it as Selena loudly berated Audrey.
‘Sprinkling a few berries on the top doesn’t magically dissolve all the fat and sugar,’ she sneered. ‘It’s like youwantto hear Dr Cooley tell you the prediabetic is no longer pre.’
Audrey carefully cut her waffles into twelve little squares, then deliberately proceeded to eat, seemingly deaf to Selena’s tuts and disgusted sips of beetroot coffee.
‘Looks great,’ I said, quietly. ‘I’ve not had waffles in ages.’
Audrey swivelled her eyes in my direction, briefly, before repositioning her plate a couple of inches away from me.
Right. Okay…
Thoroughly rebuffed, I nervously looked to Mel on the opposite side of me, hoping to slide back into her conversation, but she was already standing up to go.
‘Gotta get back to the rabble.’ Mel jammed on a turquoise bobble hat, stuffing her strawberry milkshake ponytail inside. ‘See ya later, everyone!’
I briefly debated getting up and joining Dani, now showing the photos to a different table, but before I could decide whether to leave Audrey alone with her waffles (despite that appearing to be her preferred seating arrangement, it would still seem rude to everyone else), Dani slid her phone back in her pocket and also made to leave.
‘Sorry, I have to run, too. Four incredibly brave young women are counting on me sending a particularly nasty piece of work to prison this week. I need time to perfect my killer lines.’ She blew us all a kiss and was off.
Great. I hunched awkwardly in the chair as Audrey worked on her second waffle. The other table laughed riotously as Bronwyn told a joke about some new guy she was seeing. I eyed the escape route, desperate to ditch the rest of my granola square and make a run for it.
But, then, if I left now, would I ever dare come back? My heart began to speed up, the all too familiar dizziness tossing and tumbling behind my eyes.
Stuff it, my mouth was too dry to eat the stupid square anyway.
I jerked back my chair with a screech, tried to find enough air to at least say goodbye to Audrey, hoping I could slip past the others without them noticing. Rallied the exhausted muscles in my legs. Closed my eyes, started counting to ten. Got to about six and then forgot what came next.
‘Hey,’ a soft voice said, from somewhere close by. ‘Aren’t you going to finish that granola?’
I opened my eyes. Nathan was in Mel’s vacated seat. He gestured towards the plate with his chin.
‘It’s important to refuel after pushing your muscles so hard.’
Unable to speak, let alone find the coordination to pick up a piece of crumbling grains and berries, I simply stared back at him, aware my eyes were probably bugging half out of my head.
‘You’re doing great,’ he murmured. ‘Just keep breathing, nice and slowly. Take your time.’
Easier said than done.
I tried to unscramble my brain and catch hold of one of the techniques that had been helping me so much lately. Breathe, yes. What else? Find a focus. Yes. I could do that. Find something to focus on. Come on, Amy, there must be something here. Concentrate.
‘So, Audrey, are you still in the bridge club?’ Nathan turned away, breaking the eye contact which had been keeping me tethered. I felt another flood of panic rolling up, but before it overwhelmed me, a warm hand gently prised mine off the arm of the chair and clasped it.
For a few moments, as my neurons righted themselves and my heart skittered back to a speed in the range of non-critical, I could focus on nothing else.
Nathan supplemented Audrey’s one-word answers about her bridge club with pleasant conversation and thoughtful questions for another few minutes, until Selena barked something about a microneedling regeneration appointment for her upper arms and they both left.
