‘Thanks.’ I swapped the mega-breakfast cob for a handful of coins, and took a moment to figure out how to eat it.
‘You met Mack?’
‘Mmm?’ I said, around a mouthful of salty bacon and a burst of sweet tomato. With a loud gurgle, my shrivelled stomach declared this a meal better than any I’d tasted in Edinburgh’s fanciest restaurants.
‘Bit of a mystery man, isn’t he? But, hey, living so close, maybe you’ll crack that rough exterior. Succeed where every single woman round here failed.’ She leant on the counter, gazing off into the distance. ‘You could start by borrowing his tools, asking him to steady the ladder while you paint the ceiling, or help carry out the old oven. Get to know each other a bit better, if you know what I mean.’
‘Urr… I’m not looking to know anyone a bit better.’
‘Oh.’ She stood up again, and briskly began flicking crumbs off the counter with her cloth. ‘I’ll leave you to your breakfast, then.’
‘No. I didn’t mean you. I meant, not any men. Not like that.’ She pursed her lips, still flicking. I panicked, having seemingly offended the first person I’d met beside the neighbour – Mack – with whom I wasn’t exactly off to a good start. ‘I’d like to get to know you better.’
She raised one eyebrow. ‘Oh? Is that what you tell all the girls?’
‘Yes. No! I mean, I don’t know anyone here yet. It’d be nice to make some friends.’
‘Really?’ She stared over my shoulder, wisely dismissing me as the social freak I had revealed myself to be.Help, Jenny! This woman seems to know everyone. Pull it back, or the whole village’ll hear you’re bonkers and no one will give you a job. She wants to talk about men. Give her something! Think of some girls’ talk.
‘I’ve just come out of a bad break-up.’ I spoke louder than necessary, trying to regain her attention. ‘It was pretty hideous. Broken heart, betrayed by a close relative, publicly humiliated, blah blah blah. So, I’m off men for at least a decade. Including my neighbour. Mack, you said? Is that an actual name?’
She looked back at me, widening her eyes to near circles. Was it working? I was far from fluent in Girl.Keep going, Jenny!
‘I know! I suppose he’s not bad-looking, underneath the scowling, and the chauvinistic, wild-man-of-the-woods vibe. But I’m not interested in getting to know any men. Even if they do have eyes like a steamy mug of hot chocolate. So, if Mack likes to keep himself to himself, we’ll be perfect neighbours.’
‘Good to know.’ An unmistakeable growl came from behind me.
I froze, holding up the mega-cob I’d been using to emphasise the point, like a ventriloquist’s puppet. Okay, so the round eyes and strange look were Girl for ‘Shut up! The man you are simultaneously complimenting and insulting, but in both cases discussing like a hunk of meat, is right behind you!’
‘All right, Mack?’ the woman said, cheeks flaming.
I inched around, trying to cover my face with my purchases. Keeping my eyes firmly on the ground so all I saw was a pair of tatty running shoes, I scuttled off. How much did he hear? At the edge of the trees, I glanced back to see Mack, dressed in running gear, being asked if he wanted his usual order.
‘No, thanks, Sarah. I suddenly feel in the mood for hot chocolate.’
Ugh.
Breakfast eaten, perched on a tree stump, my humiliation dissolving in the glow of sunshine, I wheeled the bike back to the cottage with renewed vigour, itching to get inside and away from Mack as soon as possible. A search of my shed revealed a small hacksaw, about ten inches long and not even that rusty, so I got straight to work.
Two hours later, after I’d hacked, chopped, grappled with and stomped on a few of the thinner branches, the blade snapped. I hunted through the shed again, but the only other thing I could find that would be of the slightest use was a spade. Maybe I coulddiga path to the door? It was only a few metres. And that would save time in the long run, as this way the bushes wouldn’t grow back.Excellent plan, Jenny! Everything is turning out awesomely.
Two hours after that, as I wrestled a small bush out of the ground, having dug a hole big enough to bury myself in, a prospect more appealing with every aching movement, Mack’s back door opened. I quickly picked up the spade again, putting all my fake attention on digging.
‘Tunnelling your way in?’ He stood there, in a grey hoodie and faded jeans, the trainers swapped for thick socks. I ignored how the muscles in his forearms flexed as he leant on the doorframe and crossed his arms. Not interested.
‘Surprised to see me still here?’ I said, trying not to grunt while attacking another root.
His beard twitched. I think that might have been a smile. ‘You haven’t been inside yet.’
Something burned hot in my stomach. ‘I’m not a quitter.’ Not any more.
‘Would you like a hand?’
‘Why, because the quicker I’m in, the quicker I’ll be gone? No, thanks. I can manage.’
Really, Jenny, are you sure about that? Do you want all the blisters on your hand to merge together into one giant, festering sore?
‘How about borrowing my saw?’
