‘Yes. I just thought… I’m… no. Actually, I wanted to… no. No. It’s nothing. Please, carry on.’ She shuffled her chair back, and stuck on an expectant smile.
‘Right. If everybody’s ready, I’ve no idea where we are with the rota, so—’
‘Yes!’ Ashley shouted, having been unable to resist one last peek. ‘Yes. Thank goodness. I thought he’d stood me up.’
‘You have adate?’ Lucille sniggered. ‘And you invited himhere?’
That had better not be her date, I thought in a rush of startling aggressiveness, as he opened the café door with a blast of icy air and stepped in, stomping his boots on the mat.
Ashley let out a stream of high-pitched giggles, her Santa earrings swinging. ‘Of course it’s not a date.’ She pressed a hand to her flushing chest. ‘It’s the completion of my challenge. Finding Hillary West was only the first bit. If you remember, getting her –him– along to the book club was the end goal.’
‘How could we forget?’ Lucille muttered, but she winked at Ashley as she did.
Kiko got up and dragged a chair over as our guest author joined us, greeted by Ashley flapping about as he unwrapped his scarf and tugged off a chunky bobble hat.
‘I’m so glad you came!’ she squawked.
‘Glad to be here.’ He didn’t especially look it. ‘Sorry I’m late. I tend to get submerged when I’m reaching the end of a book and lose all track of time.’
I’d seen him a few more times since his return, but so fleetingly it was nearly as bad as him not being here. When our paths had crossed – in the café morning-coffee queue, my advance apologies for noisy workmen, another bonfire, and one evening when he’d ended up staying for a curry – Mack had been friendly, but definitely nice-neighbourly, not I-think-about-you-all-the-time friendly. We’d talked about the cottage, Dawson’s comics, family, the whole Fisher situation. But then he would check his watch and make his excuses, too soon. Way too soon. I’d begun to hate that book and its stupid deadline, his greedy, selfish publisher. I was more jealous of that book than I had been about Sienna.
There had been a couple of moments, when the conversation had fallen silent, or our eyes had met across the picnic table in the twilight. Ending up squashed together in the crowd watching the Christmas lights being turned on at the village green. The morning someone had knocked into me in the café and he’d flung one arm around my waist, grabbing the coffee-cup.
Okay, there had been quite a few moments. On my side. But I kept remembering Richard, and how I’d scooped up every smouldering glance, fallen for every last-minute request, been so utterly, completely wrong when it had come to love, lust and plain old lechery. The messages Mack and I exchanged every few days felt intimate to me, like the kind of conversation a couple would have. But they weren’t that different from the texts I exchanged with Kiko, or Sarah. I had no idea where the lines were drawn. And I wasn’t about to risk losing my friend again.
So, when Mack took a seat, nodded a hello to everyone, then crinkled his eyes at me, I hadn’t the foggiest what that meant, beyond it making my heart sprout wings and do a loop around the Christmas tree. I hoped nobody had noticed, but, from the smirks and the raised eyebrows, I might have been kidding myself.
Ashley rambled a welcome. I didn’t hear a word of it. Glancing at Mack, I found him looking straight at me. Embarrassed to be caught glancing, even though he was the one staring,I gulped down some water, praying I wasn’t getting sweat patches on my top. Despite the freezing temperatures outside, it seemed to be growing hotter and hotter by the fire.
There was a subdued round of applause, and Mack cleared his throat.
‘Ashley asked if I’d tell you about my new book. I don’t want to give too much away, and at this point anything’s liable to change, but I can tell you it’s my favourite yet.’
‘Is it set in Sherwood Forest?’ Ashley asked.
‘Yes.’
‘And?’
‘And…’ Mack grew quiet. I risked a peek and found him gazing at the star-shaped lights twinkling amongst the bunting. He picked up his phone and fiddled with it, put it down again. Looked at me quickly, then back at his phone. ‘It’s different from the others, because it’s written from a male point of view.’
‘Tell us about this male,’ Ashley breathed.
‘Well, he’s a bit of a chump, to be honest. He’s made a monumental mistake, and instead of taking it on the chin, dealing with it, he’s decided the best response is to wimp out on life, and hide away feeling sorry for himself. He justifies it by saying this way he won’t mess up again, and won’t get hurt. And, importantly, he won’t hurt anyone else. He’s spending every day in a mindless grey funk and wondering why he can’t work any more – he’s a songwriter, by the way. And then, one day, this woman turns up.’
I didn’t have to move my eyes off the table to know every single person swivelled their head towards me.
Was it possible for a human woman to roast in her own hormones?
‘And she’s the opposite of him in every way – life has thrown her the biggest dungball, and she just pushes it off, dusts herself down and fights back with all this energy and bravado and determination. And she grabs this guy by the scruff of his neck and drags him out of his cave, back into the world.’
You have got to be kidding me.
I cannot breathe.
I managed to suck in one final, strangled breath. It turned out final breaths sounded like a hippopotamus hugging a windy warthog.
‘Anyway.’ Mack let out a shaky laugh. ‘You’ll have to read it to find out more.’
