Something heavier. Something quieter. A dull ache, a yearning I didn’t know what to do with. Because if love could look like that—steady, unwavering, without hesitation—then maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t something I had to fear. Maybe, for the first time, I wanted to believe it could be mine too.
Those feelings I had with Mav last night—the comfort, the happiness, the peace of being taken care of—swelled, and for one crazy moment, I saw thisthingbetween us going somewhere.
Estoy tan jodida.
Before I could give it any more thought, I grabbed my bag and high-tailed it out of the office, ignoring my friends calling out for me.
I should never have stalked him or confronted him in that restaurant. I should’ve left well enough alone, since he was pulling back anyway.
It didn’t matter how honest he was with me. It didn’t matter that for a blip in time, we were raw and honest with one another.
I made a promise to myself as I drove back to Newark.
No more Maverick.
No more feelings.
20
Maverick
“Pull our guys back from Jersey and have them focus efforts on laundering here,” I growled, pacing the room like a caged lion. I couldn’t sit still any longer. “Thames is out and Chavez is in the clear.”
For now, I left unsaid. Because truthfully, he would get what was coming as soon as I found out the whole truth about his involvement with Eddie Reyes.
And believe me, I’d utilized the last three weeks to do some snooping. I had to be careful, though. My father could spot a narc a mile away, and he sure as hell didn’t like anyone digging through the skeletons in his closet.
But as much as I wanted answers, there was something else gnawing at me.
“You don’t think eyes will be on Thames?” Paul questioned with an arched brow.
Pausing my pacing, I fixed my gaze on him. “We can’t fucking afford to have thirty percent of our operations still running for Diego’s men. I don’t trust anyone else but Thames to run the amount he does.”
“Jesus, Mav, chill. I just want to make sure you’re thinking this through. Why not have Thames split his time? That way the scent is thrown off running for both.”
I mulled it over. “Yes. Do that. Chavez can pick up where he left off. Even if we have twenty of the thirty percent of operations scaled back, we’ll be in good shape.” I resumed my pacing.
This distance. This watching from afar and pretending like I was fine that she'd disappeared. This refraining from texting her so I didn’t seem desperate.
But fuck, I was desperate.
“Everything’s good at Pillar?”
Paulie and Duane both watched me skeptically.
“Would you stop fucking pacing? You’re creating a draft,” Duane muttered.
I rolled my eyes. “Real original, D. Fuck off.”
“What’s got your panties in a wad?” Paul demanded, leaning back in his squeaky desk chair, hands resting behind his head. “No feathers have been ruffled in the biz, and your dad has kept his distance.”
“Yeah, man. You’ve been off for weeks now. Grumpy as fuck,” Duane agreed.
They weren’t wrong. I had been off. Because for the last three weeks, Sophie had been in my fucking head.
I reared my arm back, chucking my plastic water bottle at Duane’s fat head without remorse. “I said fuck off. And I’m not grumpy, I’ve just got a lot on my fucking mind.”
“Maybe you need to get your dick wet. Haven’t seen you down with the ladies in… how long has it been, actually?” Paulieflicked his golden eyes to the ceiling as he contemplated. “I feel like it’s been a few months.”
