We’re just a few weeks out from our wedding.
The wedding we’ve been planning for years.
He wouldn’t.
I try to shake myself from my panicked thoughts. Iknowthey don’t belong to me. They belong to anxiety. Roman loves me. He’snotleaving me.
He’s not.
I can’t concentrate worth a shit at work. My mind is everywhere, reeling with anxiety, so I find someone to cover the ER for a second and take the elevator up to the pediatric floor to find Holden.
My eyes lock on him, leaning against the nurses’ station as soon as the elevator doors open, and I sigh a bit in relief. His eyes light up when he sees me. “Hey, Beckett. What brings you to my neck of the woods?”
His lighthearted tone almost makes me cry, but I’m not sure why. “Can I talk to you?” I whisper, scared that if I talk any louder, the aforementioned tears will become a real problem.
He straightens, his face turning serious. “Of course, Beck. Follow me.”
He takes off toward an exam room, and I trail behind him, biting my lip. He closes the door behind us and turns to me with a worried look. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I say quietly. “Roman’s acting strange.”
“Strange?” Holden echoes.
“I… I know he’s your best friend, Hold. Your family. And I know you don’t owe me anything. But… you’d tell me, right? If he was going to leave me?” Fear spirals through my body and my breath catches, my heart pounding in my chest.
Holden’s eyebrows draw together. “First off, Beck. You’re wrong. I owe you quite a bit. Andyou’remy family too. But I can say with certainty that Roman is not going to leave you.”
I relax, only a little, though. I hate that I still have these random moments of insecurity. I hate that I still get worried when he doesn’t text me back immediately. He’s given me every reason to trust him, and our life is perfect and amazing, and I have no reason to think he feels any differently, but the fear is always so damn close to the surface. Even therapy hasn’t helped it go away completely.
Holden continues. “He talked to me on the phone two days ago, gushing about how he couldn’t wait to marryyou and how he had just gotten home from picking up your tuxes. There’s no way he’s leaving you, Beck. Come here.”
He holds his arms open to me and I step forward, letting him wrap me up. I cling to him, trying to fight back my emotion. “Okay,” I say. “You’re sure?”
“So sure. So, so sure,” he says, squeezing me tightly to him.
For a long while, I don’t move, and neither does he. When I finally pull back, he’s staring at me in concern. “Tell me what’s going on.”
So I do. I tell him about how Roman texted me and cancelled our dinner plans and didn’t come home until midnight, and how he left before I could even tell him goodbye. My voice cracks a little at the end of that part, and Holden holds me again for a while.
“Beck, I’m telling you. Roman is not going to leave you, okay?”
I nod. “Okay. Thank you for talking to me.”
“You’re welcome. I’m here for you always, you know this. But the person you need to be talking to is Ro, yeah? There’s no point in you spiraling. You have to let him know this is bothering you and that you need answers, okay? Or better communication. You can’t expect him toknow you’re having a problem if you don’t communicate that to him.”
I take a harsh breath. “Okay, I will. You’re right.”
“Usually am,” he quips, shooting me a grin.
I laugh a little. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Thanks, Hold.”
“Any time. Are you guys still coming to dinner tonight?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. I guess it’s going to depend on Roman.”
He nods. “Well, let me know when you figure something out, okay?”
By the time I get off work, I still haven’t heard from Roman—which would be fine if he was home, but he’s not, and I have to resist the urge to break into hysterics.
