My heart flails wildly as hope I’m almost too scared to allow myself to feel rises in my chest. “What are you saying, beautiful?”
Roman swallows hard, his honey-brown eyes locked on mine and pleading. “I want to bring him here. I want him. I want him to be ours.”
The words sit heavy between us, and the hope I was trying to shove down explodes, filling my entire body. “Yes.”
Roman opens his mouth and then snaps it closed. “Really? Just like that?”
I nod, my heart damn near bursting at the seams. “Just like that.”
“But…” He trails off, eyes wide with confusion. It’s clear he thought this would be more of a fight. But it’s not. It won’t be.
“When we first got back together,” I start, swallowing hard against the emotion trying to suffocate me. “I told you I didn’t want kids. And I didn’t. God, beautiful. I missed you so fucking much that I didn’t want a single person to share you or your time. And maybe that’s selfish. But I didn’t. I wanted you and nothing else. And you agreed so easily, I just assumed you were really firm on that.However, as the years went on, I found myself wishing. Like when we first met Wren. And then when Hold and Julian adopted Warren. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t live without, you know?”
He nods, looking a little shell-shocked.
I laugh, my heart full of happiness, excitement, and love. “And then we’d occasionally foster, and it was like I could see you as a dad so easily. God, you’d be such an amazing dad. And then I started… wanting. And I tried really hard to push it down. Because I’m so happy with you. And I never want you to think I’m not happy or that I feel like I’m missing out on something. I could have you and nothing but you for the rest of time, and I’d never need another thing.”
Roman’s eyes well up, and a tear spills down his beautiful face. His fingers come up and touch my cheek, and they come away wet. Huh, I guess I’m crying too. He takes a shaky breath and cups my jaw in his hands. “I feel the same way, baby. If all I had was you, I’d die happy. But then… I met Eli.”
I smile. “Eli. That’s his name?”
Roman nods, more tears spilling from his eyes. “Yeah. Elijah, actually. But he doesn’t like that. He wants to go by Eli. Are you sure? You’ve always been so adamant youdidn’t want kids. And I was so scared to tell you. I was worried it would be a dealbreaker.”
I pull him into my arms, crushing him to me. “There are no dealbreakers, beautiful. Besides, I was seriously going to cry if I kept having to pretend I didn’t want kids with you. Like I said—at first, I didn’t. But I do. I really fucking do.”
Roman sobs, burying his face in my neck. “Really?”
“Really. When can I meet him?”
He pulls back, his wet eyes locked on my face. “I thought you were going to freak out. I thought you were going to be mad at me.”
Jesus Christ. “Well, I thought you were going to leave me.”
He laughs, but it’s a little wobbly. “Yeah, I gathered that. I feel so bad about that. I’m so sorry, Beck.”
I shake my head, pulling him back toward me. He crawls into my lap, straddling me. We hold each other for a while, and finally, he inhales deeply and continues. “I told his social worker that I might want to take him, but that I needed to talk to you. They’ve talked to his piece of shit father already, and he wants to terminate his rights. No one has told Eli that yet. It’s going to break his heart, Beck. He’s such a sweet kid.”
“I believe you, beautiful. Do you want to go now? We can bring him home tonight.”
Roman seems to think about it for a second and shakes his head. “No. I want to talk to him first. Tomorrow. Make sure he even wants to come with us. Let you meet him first. I don’t want to upend him. He was calm and happy when I left tonight. He had a good night. Plus, we have dinner plans. We can’t cancel on Holden and Julian again.”
I sigh. “You’re not wrong. Also, Wren will have our asses if we don’t go see her soon.”
Roman chuckles, rubbing his face back and forth against my shoulder. “God, she really will.”
“Okay, so dinner tonight,” I say. “Then tomorrow we’ll go talk to Eli and see if he wants to come home with us?”
Roman lets out a stuttering breath. “Yeah. I hope he’ll want to. There was just something about him, Beck. It hit me like a ton of bricks.”
I rub my hands up and down his back. I hope he’ll want to as well. I’m sure it won’t be an easy road, but if anyone can take care of a traumatized kid, it’s going to be Roman, hands down. He’s not only lived it, but he took care of Holden too. I have no doubt he’ll be an amazing parent. “You’re everything, beautiful. God, you really scared the shit out of me, though. I spiraled hard, even went to talk to Holden because I was worried you were going to leaveme.” My voice cracks a little, and Roman sinks more of his weight into me, grounding me.
“I’ll never leave you, Beck. It’s going to be me and you. Forever. And Eli, if he chooses. We’ll be old and gray together. I’m never going anywhere.”
“I know. Iknowthat. My fears just got to me a little bit.” And it’s the truth. I know Roman loves me. And I know he wants to be with me. But I guess something about getting out of the shower and finding him gone triggered me a little bit.
He hums. “God, I don’t want to go anywhere tonight. I just want to be with you. I wasn’t lying when I said I’ve missed you a lot.”
“I know, beautiful. I don’t want to go anywhere, either. But let’s just go ahead and go. We can eat dinner, make our excuses, and come home. I want to hold you all night. I want you attached to me. I don’t want to be able to tell where I end and you begin. Can we do that?”
