“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
“But anyway, I can remember asking him about them because they reminded me of Clover. He gave some vague answer about a girl he used to know giving them to him. I remember thinking about Clover at the time, but my brain was way too fogged up with trauma and grief to make much of a connection. And then there was this time at a party.” I swallow down the lump welling in my throat. “I think Clover and I both got drugged… I can barely remember much of what happened, other than I came back into consciousness for a few minutes and this guy was leaning over her… stroking her hair… I could never remember what his face looked like, but now… I think it was Jason.”
Agony floods his eyes. “Ava,” he starts.
“It’s fine. I… I don’t want to talk about that too much yet, if that’s okay.” My chest feels tight, as if one more uneven breath will send me into a panic attack.
Ellis pauses, reluctance written all over his face. “We’ll put a pin in that for now, but the thing is, in order for us to be able to look into this more, we’d have to have more solid proof, especially if I need to obtain a search warrant.”
“How are we supposed to do that? Because it seems like all of the evidence we find is vague.”
“I know.” He drags his fingers through his hair as he slumps back on the sofa. “I can do a background search on Jason, but I’m assuming you’d probably know if he’s been arrested.”
“He hasn’t. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have secrets. He had an affair that I didn’t know about.” I twist a strand of my hair around my finger. “Honestly, it seems like every single person I know has secrets, and I’m starting to realize that theywere right in front of me. I just wasn’t looking hard enough…” I trail off as an idea takes root in my mind, quickly growing.
“What is it?” Ellis inquires amongst my silence.
“I have an idea, but I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it.” I unravel the strand of my hair from my finger and twist toward him.
A crease forms between his brows, his lips parting, but then he promptly shakes his head. “No way. I can’t let you do that.”
“It might be the only way,” I stress. “Trust me, I don’t want to be around my family either, but my father’s wake will be taking place soon, which means all of my relatives and Jason will be there. It gives me the perfect chance to see if I can find out anything. I can go straight into the heart of their secrets.”
He continues to shake his head. “No, it’s too dangerous. And your mother’s already upset with you because you were arrested. And you said Trystan knows you stole that key. Plus, on top of all of that, we still have no clue what your uncle smuggled into the hospital.” He rises to his feet and starts to pace the small space between the foot of the bed and the dresser. “We need to find another way.”
“This is the best way. And…” I push down the fear choking me. “I need to do this. I’ve run from everything for long enough… Plus, this way… It’s what Clover would’ve done, so I owe her the same.”
“Clover got killed over what she did. Please don’t compare it to that. I can’t lose another person I care about.”
“Nothing will happen to me. Not at his wake. There will be way too many people there. Not just my family.” This I’m confident of. Like I told him, my mother won’t risk a scene unfolding in front of guests. If I get in and out before it ends, I’ll be fine. “My mother won’t allow anything to happen that will draw a scene.”
Do I want to do this? Hell no.
But do I believe I should? Yes.
“This isn’t the same as with Clover,” I add. “She was doing this alone. I’m not alone. I have you.”
I am not alone.
The words echo in my mind over and over again.
I’m unsure I’ve ever been able to say that before, but now…
I have Ellis.
I have Clara.
And I have myself. I’m no longer an empty shell of a person. I am stronger. I am less fragile.
I want to be unbreakable.
“I can do this,” I tell him with as much confidence as I can muster.
He gradually shakes his head from side to side, but it’s not necessarily giving me a firm no. It’s more laced with reluctance than anything.
“On one condition,” he says. “Well, two. You wear a recorder on you so I can hear what’s going on at all times. And I’m going to park close by. This is nonnegotiable.”
“Okay, that sounds fair.”
