I need to tell Ellis about it, even if it throbs inside my skull just thinking about it.
I sit in the water until my fingers start to prune, thinking and procrastinating. Eventually, I get out, dry off, and dress in a pair of jean shorts and a black tank top. I leave my damp hair down and embark into the living room. The moment I step foot through the doorway, the feeling that I’m being watched tugs at my insides. I glance over my shoulder to see if Bailey or Clara has walked into the room, but the house is quiet. I attempt to stuff down the feeling and go into the kitchen. But again, the feeling snakes around me.
I stop beside the table and peer around the room. All of the curtains and blinds are closed, so no one could be watching through the windows.
I shake my head at myself. I’m being paranoid.
Exhaling, I round the counter where Clara has set up her coffee machine. I start brewing the coffee, then rummage through the snacks we have, making a mental note that we’ll have to make a trip to the grocery store at some point. I settle on a granola bar and an apple. Then I sit down at the table and open my phone to search amnesia. About fifteen minutes and a cup of coffee later, I decide to call my therapist. It’s early, but she always tells me I can call her anytime, day or night if I need to.
And right now, I feel like I do.
I dial her number and wait for her to answer. She does after three rings.
“Hey, Ava,” she says tiredly. “Is everything okay?”
I trace the pattern of the table's wood. “I’m not sure.”
I spend the next handful of minutes giving her a recap of what’s been happening, minus a few details that I’m not ready to get into yet. My primary focus is on my resurfacing memories, and if she knows why this is happening.
When I finish, she’s quiet for a moment before she says, “I feel like we need to talk more about this during a session, when we have more time.”
“I know.” I collect the coffee mug in front of me. “And I will when I get back. But I just really need to know if you have an idea as to why I’m suddenly remembering things.”
“There could be a few reasons,” she replies. “Perhaps your father’s death has triggered them. Or it could be stress related. It could also be that you’ve returned to a town where a lot of your trauma has happened. You’ve been away from Star Meadows for so long that it’s probably been easier for your mind to block out things, but returning and being in those surroundings may be what’s causing them to resurface.” She gives a short pause. “I want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. I know you want to help with your father’s case and your friend’s, but if you push your mind too hard before you’ve had time to heal, I worry it might set your healing back.”
I want to tell her I won’t, that I’ll let Ellis handle it, but I’m unable to do so. “I need to do this. It’s just… I need to.”
A beat of silence fills the line.
“If you feel that way, then okay. But please take care of your mental health first.”
“I will.”
We talk for a while longer before we end the call. The answers she gave me about my surfacing memories helped a bit, but in the end, none of this really provided me with any answers other than why my I’m suddenly remembering stuff, and also that if I remain here to help with the case, it might get worse.
But I can’t back out now. I need answers and hopefully justice for all those girls.
By the time I finished my coffee, Bailey has wandered out of the room. He prances over to stand in front of the door, so I get up to grab a leash to take him outside. But then he starts growling, and the fur on his back stands up.
“What is it?” I ask, making my way over to him.
I stare at the front door. There’s a curtain covering a small window at the top of it, but it’s still too dark outside to tell through the fabric if someone is on the other side. I pet Bailey as I inch closer to the door. Then I flip on the porch light before pulling the curtains back. Nothing is on the other side, but my heart is fucking soaring.
“There’s nothing out there,” I tell Bailey, although I’m unsure if I even believe my words. “It’s okay, though. This place gets to me, too.”
Even though I have no desire to go outside, I clip Bailey’s leash onto his collar and walk out into the chilly early morning air. Bailey tugs on the leash and practically drags me to a cluster of trees out back. Just behind those, in the distance, is the start of the woods. His focus becomes fixated on the willow branches stretching toward the grey sky. He lets out a bark and then a growl.
“Come on.” I pull on his leash, trying not to panic. “Use the bathroom and let’s get inside.”
It takes some time, but eventually he does. Then I rush inside the house and lock the door behind me. I can’t shake the feeling that someone was out in the trees watching me, that maybe that’s why I felt like I was being watched earlier.
I need to mention this to Ellis. And to Clara, so she’ll be safe. I’m planning on having Ellis pick me up today so Clara will at least have the car to drive.
By the time I’ve finished feeding Bailey, Clara has wandered into the kitchen and is pouring herself a cup of coffee.
“You were up so early,” she mumbles as she lifts the brim to her mouth and takes a sip.
“Sorry if I woke you up. I couldn’t sleep.” I check the time. “Ellis will be picking me up soon. The car will be here so you can go wherever.”
