“But what about?—”
“Let me finish. You are not allowed to think aboutanyof that.”
“But—”
“No. Shut up. I don’t care. Don’t think about Maeve, or Max, or your dad, or”—I swallowed hard—“or about me. The only thing you’re allowed to think about right now is getting yourself out of this goddamn mine alive. That’s theonlything that matters. The one and only thing. Do you understand me?”
“No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “No, I can’t. What about?—”
“Goddammit, Lou. I’d say don’t make me shake you, but Ican’tshake you. Answer me.Do you understand?”
At last, she nodded, tears spilling freely.
“I need a yes. Say yes.”
“YES,” she screamed. “Yes.”
“Good. Now I need you to find us some water, yeah? Justfind some water. Don’t think about anything else.”
She didn’t move.
I almost groaned.
“Don’t leave me,” she whispered. “I’ve lost you enough already.”
“I won’t leave you,mäi léift,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of her sweat, dirt, and tear-streaked face.ThatI could do. “I’ll be right here. Now water, yeah? You can do that. I believe in you.”
She still didn’t move, and for a second, my own panic started to build. But then, she dove into the rubble, after a few seconds emerging with a half-filled plastic jug among the remains ofthe chemistry supplies. Calmly as I could, I indicated for her to rip another strip off the blanket she was pressing against her wound. “Soak it with water and hold it over your mouth and nose. Breathe slowly. It’ll help filter out some of the gas.”
She placed the cloth to her face, pressing it flat like a shroud. She tried to do the same for me, though my arms were too weak to hold it on properly, and I gave up in frustration, flinging it aside.
“But—”
“Never mind. Remember what I said? We’re going to move, yeah?” I said. “Just keep moving. Don’t think about anything else. Keep moving. That’sallyou have to do right now.”
So we did. And for a few seconds, there was silence at last. The sound of our labored breathing was all that echoed in the dark.
But out of the tunnel to become her tomb, Resi’s voice drifted. “I still heard your voice, Max,” she whispered. “I always heard it.”
25
HER
We made slow, steady progress. He leaned on me more than he wanted as we waded through debris and rubble, dust choking me as it gathered on my makeshift gas mask until I couldn’t brush it away anymore and stopped trying. Somewhere ahead of us, rock grated against rock. I knew it was killing him that he couldn’t grab me or do anything but press me against a craggy mine wall, hearts pounding, as a pile of rocks tumbled down to bury the place where we’d just been walking, sending up a cloud of dust so thick we lost each other again, for just one single, terrifying second. And I screamed for him again, only to catch on to his bloody, dusty arm in relief a second later.
I won’t leave you,mäi léift.
He couldn’t promise that, of course, just as Max couldn’t promise whathehad promised, and I’d been an utter fool to believe even for a second that either of them could.
But believing, being a fool, was the only chance left to me. Perhaps it was the only chance I’deverhad. So I took it.
And anyway, he wouldn’t allow me to do anything else.
A moment later, the dust settled, and we continued, our progress dwindling to a slow crawl. As we reached the final bend, another cascade of rocks blocked our path. We picked our way through the rubble, my flashlight beam flickering over piles of twisted metal, broken tools, ore, and rock. My head pounded, and my limbs felt less like they were moving and more like they were oozing through some thick, sticky, viscous matter. For the millionth time, I reminded myself to just keep breathing and not to worry aboutwhatI was breathing. Because what I was breathing was killing me.
“We have to move faster,” he said from behind me, choking out the words so painfully it made me wince. “Move as fast as you can without getting out of breath. Can you do that?”
I nodded, despite the growing pit in my stomach.
