But there was so much about slavery I’d never fully understand. Its enormity was so unfathomable that most people didn’t even try. But I did try, and I was going to keep trying. The only reason I had this life, and this man, was because a long time ago, I had made the decision to try. And that had changed the entire game.
“So about the startup,” I said as we crossed the next street. “If slavery is still legal…”
He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling against me. “It’s complicated, Lou. But if we can get this distributed and on the market—even if it’s not legal for slaves to possess—it will still do a lot of good. For one thing, there will be fewer people like Resi stealing, hurting, and terrorizing them because they’re afraid of being caught if they run. And more will run, at least until the pro-slavery lobby gets harsher laws passed to prevent it, and don’t get me wrong—they will. In the meantime, we’re getting it past the regulators by convincing them that it’s for pets. Dogs and cats. That was your dad’s idea. Which was genius, actually.”
In astonishment, I reached up and brushed away a few stray snowflakes that had landed on his lashes. “Did… did you just say something nice about Daddy?”
He caught my hand and squeezed it. “Funny, it became a lot easier once he didn’t own me,” he said. “And showed me my stock certificate. Look, it’s going to be a hard fight, Lou. It may not happen in our lifetime.”
My heart sank into my knees. It wasn’t as if I thought we could abolish slavery overnight, but?—
I stopped walking, turning to face him. Snowflakes clung to my lashes in the fading light, melting into my eyes along with the tears. “But it will happen. Right?”
“It will happen. And it will get easier in time, as more and more people like your dad realize that they want to be on the right side of history.”
“And more people like you convince them.”
“I didn’t convince him. You did.”
Amid a sudden gust of snow, he reached for one of my curls and gently tucked it behind my ear, talking over the noise of the wind.
I swallowed, throat tight.
“Do you understand thatnoneof this would exist without you?” he said. “Our company wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be here. Your dad wouldn’t be here. Andwewouldn’t be here,” he added, still puzzling with my curl as if it were much more than a curl. “It was you, Lou. You changed everything. For all of us.”
Tears blurred my vision again as I gazed up at him, hardly able to believe he was real. That any of what he was saying was real. Not me. Not Loulou, not privileged, naive, spoiled, ignorant— “I was just trying to do the right thing.”
“And I’m no expert, but I think that’s what bravery is.” He drew me closer, enveloping me. I inhaled him—I wasn’t sure whether it was my memory or his stop in Phoenix, but I couldswear he still wore the trace of desert sage on his hair and clothes and lips.
After a long moment, he pulled back slightly, and as we walked, my head swirled, and I kept glancing over at him, drinking in the sight of that expensive coat hugging those broad shoulders.
He caught me looking and grinned. “I know. It’s surreal, isn’t it? No chains.”
I poked him. “Notwhat I was thinking.” It was, actually, although maybe not quite in the same way.
He stared at the ground for a long second. “I wake up and feel them on me,” he said softly. “Most nights, in fact. And I still feel—” He swallowed. “Well, a lot of things I wish I didn’t. And that I’m afraid I’ll neverunfeel. And that it’ll never be easy.”
“Me too.” I bit my lip, looking away as he quickly rolled back his coat sleeve to reveal the number that used to be his name. Softly, I closed each one of my fingertips over it and squeezed. “You and I wouldn’t know what to do with easy.”
“Damn.That’swhere I got that line. I knew it sounded familiar.”
A handful of snow flew past my face, and up ahead in the streetlight’s glow, I spotted a small group of children giggling and flinging handfuls of loose snow at each other—probably slaves, judging by the way they muffled their laughs and averted their eyes when they saw us coming, then darted into an alley without another word as if they hadn’t meant to be seen enjoying themselves.
“Milagros told me light is never lost,” I said. “So even when things feel useless, and impossible to ever fix,” I said softly, “Every single little thing we do is helping fix it for them. Someday.”
“Someday soon,” he said. “Thanks to you and your dad.”
“And Ethan,” I added, my throat tightening. “I hope. Someday soon.”
Shai’s eyes widened at the sound of the name. “Did you?—”
“Not yet.” I shook my head. “Still looking. Erica and Rebekah and Basia are all helping.”
“You’ll have my help, too, you know. We’ll find him,” he said, a statement of fact.
I swallowed and nodded. “Only Max knew for sure. And now?—”
“Ah, of course he did,” Shai said, shaking his head with a rueful laugh. “We still owe that man more than we can ever repay.Iowe him more.” He looked up toward the sky. “And, Max, if you’re listening, I hope you enjoyed that because it’s the last time you’ll ever hear me say it.”
