He leaned in closer, and I assumed he was going to kiss me. Instead, he bypassed my mouth, and his lips grazed my ear. “I thought you liked my ugly mug.” His undertone was rough like heavy grit sand paper and the flutter in my heart shifted into a full-blown gallop.
When I turned my head and met his eyes, I was consumed by the carnal fire in them and my knees went weak. I knew that look. Decker regarded Krew with the same hungry intensity. Now, he was aiming that desire at me with equal fervor.
“I’m not sure if I’m ready to be intimate with you,” I confessed. My body yearned for him, yet my mind and heart refused to believe Krew and Decker belonged to me—to cherish, to love, to keep.
“I heard you and Krew last night,” he said with raw conviction. My breath hitched, and my heart dropped at his confession.
His question staunched the growing hunger in my belly. “We didn’t…”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying. Krew and I didn’t have intercourse.”
“I heard you two,” he hissed.
“He got me off with his mouth and… fingers.” I closed my eyes, feeling utterly disgusted with myself.
“Look at me.” I couldn’t ignore him. I opened my eyes and barely glanced at him before I dropped my attention to his chin. “You did you let us touch you in Chicago?”
Why had I let Decker and Krew touch me? Loneliness? Out of desperation? Maybe both. Or maybe, they were a convenience—a need to satiate my sudden impulse to be touched. No. That wasn’t it.
As the thrum between my legs eased and the fear that shadowed me lessened, the reason why was clear. I was afraid to be alone and I missed them so much. However, I certainly couldn’t tell him the truth.
“Curiosity,” I finally said. Though true, and a safe answer, it was still a partial lie. The least amount of resistance on the path to the actual fact.
But that was my issue. What my heart wanted versus what was safe.
“Bullshit. You’re lying, again,” Decker called me out.
This push and pull between us was draining, and I had no more mental energy to fight with Decker—no matter how much I wanted to force him away from me. I wanted him—just as much as I had needed Krew last night.
“Fine. Tell me what you want me to say so I can go in and make breakfast.” I finally looked at Decker in the eyes and saw the hurt I placed there.
Why couldn’t I just say it? I needed Decker. Needed the way his presence anchored me. Even though he had been nothing but a loose buoy in the middle of my storm.
Right now, everything in me was unraveling. The emotions, the mess of my life—they were swallowing me whole. No safe place to land. Just open water and the weight dragging me down, straight into the darkest corners of my mind. The ones I never let anyone see. The ones where my nightmares lived.
Decker’s left hand gripped my hip, grounding me as I spiraled in doubt. A shudder ran through me at his touch. His blue eyes, steady and intense pulled me back to the present.
Without asking, he lifted me up and tossed me over his shoulder, striding back toward the front of the house.
“Decker, put me down,” I shouted, and slapped at his ass.
“You were forewarned, princess.” Then he slapped my ass hard.
“That hurt,” I screeched, as he carried me through the front door and into the living room, where Krew was sitting on the sofa. “Krew!”
“He isn’t going to help you.” Then Decker slapped the same ass cheek again.
“You’re an asshole.”
“You love me.” He smacked my ass again. “Now you know how it feels to be lied to.”
The sharp bite of pain across my butt lasted only seconds, then a burn seeped into my skin, and re-ignited the ache between my legs.
“Damn it, Deck?—”
He took the steps two at a time until we reached the second floor, but he didn’t stop. Decker hauled ass into the room I was sleeping in and tossed me on the bed.
