“Why did the blood trigger you, Regi?” Decker questioned, his eyes narrowed into pinpricks. “What happened to you?”
“I’m not hiding anything,” I defended, lying—again. “It’s only a bodily fluid, Deck.” I said with a shrug, not wanting to use the B word, in case it incited another bout of vomiting.
“Regi, you fainted,” Krew said. I was momentarily distracted by the sight of him folding his beefy arms across his broad chest. When my gaze returned to his sad eyes, his worry was still plain to see.
I shivered and diverted my attention to the mess on the floor. My insides were raw like a reopened sore, one that was being constantly picked at. My yearning for these men was an internal battle I was continuously waging with myself. And yet, I had enough fortitude to remain steadfast in my lies.
“It would trigger most people. Don’t make a big deal out of it,” I said with another shrug.
“Don’t make a big deal out of it? Fucking A—is she for real?” Decker spat—literally spat in the vomit and I wanted to laugh at the absurdity. “Why are you lying to us?” Decker growled in frustration. “You never used to lie to us.”
“I’m not that little girl anymore, Deck!” I shouted the first truth I’d said since we’d been back together. “I’m not that Regina you remember. The girl who was too naïve for her own good. She’s dead and buried.”
Everyone was clueless—these men were clueless, and I kind of liked it that way. Their lack of knowledge of who I was now made it easier to spin my web of lies like a spider.
“You made us promise, a long time ago, to never lie to each other. Do you remember that, Regi?” Krew’s gravelly voice shook my focus, because I remembered that day clearly.
It was one of the days Krew and his brother fought, and Krew came away from the fight with a busted nose and a black eye. The same day, Decker went after Teke and kicked the crap out of him before Krew’s father aimed the shotgun at Decker and warned him off his son and his property. As broken as these two had looked, they lied to me about where they’d gotten their bruises. Until I found out the truth from Maya. I made them swear that, from that point on, we would always tell each other the truth. What a childish promise to make.
“Those promises don’t mean much now. We’re adults—not kids, Krew,” I defended.
“Adults or kids, we made a promise to each other. If you can’t keep your promise, if truth between the three of us isn’t important to you, then maybe I don’t know you anymore.”
Shit, that stung deep.
“Well, you don’t.” I clenched my teeth and looked away, for fear they would see behind my false bravado.
What could I say to them? Yes, I was the biggest liar of them all? When I was young, I couldn’t lie—not to them. But I wasn’t that girl anymore—and I told them that. Didn’t they see I was no longer Regina K. Morton—the good girl who fell in love with two boys from school.
I may not have been a good liar back then, but I was a great liar now. Not even my ex-best friend, Maya, knew I lied to her about things in my life I didn’t want her to know.
She knew firsthand about the rape—Maya was the one who found me in the ditch. But the dreams that haunted me for years… I tried to keep them to myself. Still, I’d woken her, and eventually, she made me talk about my nightmares.
How would I even explain the hell I went through back then? Or how I had never truly recovered from losing myself, the life I thought I’d have, and the love of my family and these men? Or how lonely I was now? I’d rather swallow a pound of rusty nails then tell them all the evil that had been done to me and the shit I had to crawl through to reach some level of sanity.
What would it achieve? Nothing but carnage. Krew would track down his brother and beat the hell out of him. Or worse. And Decker? He’d put the hurt to my rapist first before he finished him off with a bullet. I had no doubt what Decker was capable of, especially after watching him kill the hitman in my apartment and seeing the blood he had on his skin and clothes today—blood I knew wasn’t his. Then they would be hauled off to jail, all because of me. So no, I wouldn’t let them put their lives on the line for me. I couldn’t have that on my conscience.
“You don’t know me,” I repeated stridently. “Neither of you know me. I keep telling you, I’m not the same person you knew back in Elida. The sooner you get that in your heads, the better.” I refused to look away from Decker’s eyes, even though I could feel them drilling through my armor.
“Maybe you need a good spanking to get you to tell us the truth,” Decker warned.
I sucked in a shocked breath. “I swear if you touch me, Decker Joseph Moss, I will cut off your balls,” I shouted.
“Since you want to be a hard ass,” he pointed to the vomit, “you made the mess, you can clean it up. When I get back, it better be clean enough for me to eat off of.”
“You can’t tell me what to do,” I screamed at him.
“Deck.” Krew glared at Decker. “Maybe?—”
“No, K. If she thinks it’s no big deal to lie to us about what she’s hiding, then we will treat her as such. As a liar.” Then Decker turned to me. “We won’t bother you any longer. You don’t have to worry about us asking you anything. I’m done with you, Regi.” He sneered at me and I almost flinched. “Out of respect for my friend, who owns this house, you’re going to clean up this puke, or I’m going to spank your ass like you deserve.” Decker stormed out of the room.
“You can go fuck right off, Decker,” I shouted at his retreating back, turned and faced Krew. “Get out.” I snarled, like it was his fault for what just happened.
Krew glanced at me with eyes filled with sadness, before he walked out of the bedroom without another word.
I didn’t know what was crushing my heart more: Decker’s words, the sneer I gave to Krew or the anger radiating from my soul.
I stomped to the door, slammed it out of pure frustration, and locked it. I covered my mouth, slid down the door, and silently cried. They would surely hate me now.
