For a few blocks, we walked in the silence of the city: car horns and far-off sirens and music from third-story apartments.
By the time we made it home, I wasn’t feeling quite so drunk, but I sure as hell wasn’t feeling any better. We walked past the kitchen and Charlie clapped me on the back, steering me away and towards the living room couch. I sat heavily. “James, you want a beer? Barrett?”
“Sure,” Barrett said. “Looks like we might be here a while.”
“Fuck off, Barrett,” I sneered. “Like you’re any better. Married to your job.”
He huffed an incredulous laugh. “I’msorry? What isthatsupposed to mean?”
“You think I’m sopatheticbeing alone, but you’re just as–” I said, standing up unsteadily and rounding on him.
“Whoa, whoa,” James said. “No one thinks you’re pathetic.” He held up his hands in surrender, just as his brother had done right there, just beyond the kitchen, last Saturday morning.
Had it been just a week ago that I was sofuckinghappy?
I shut my eyes and dropped my head to my hands. The fight went out of me in a rush.
So did the words, “It’s not Tally, it’s Flora.”
“Ryan,” Charlie warned. “Let’s get you some water, okay, man? You, me, water? Now? Yeah?”
“What about her?” James asked.
“She’s a really,really good nanny,” Charlie said.
“Yeah,” I sighed.Fucking Charlie.“Right. She’s the best…nannyI’ve ever had.” I rubbed the heels of my hands over my eyeballs. Judging by the beginning of a headache I already had, I would have a hell of a hangover tomorrow. I looked over at Charlie where he was sitting, staring at me with the same look of confusion he’d worn when he discovered Flora and I fucking in the kitchen, and I realized he’d thought that was all it was. Just sex. Of course he would think that. Anything else was ridiculous. To fall in love with a nanny a decade younger than me? Jesus Christ, it was like a romance novel. Blue eyes flashed behind my eyelids, pink lips saying,I like the steamy ones.I needed to lie down. I let my head fall back against the couch cushions.
“Oh,” he said. His eyes widened. “Oh. Fuck.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Yeah.”
“She’s with Edie now,” James said. “They’re doing their whole Friday Night Take-out Thing.” The embarrassing sound I made was caught somewhere between a laugh and a whine. “You know, Ryan, we should have you over for dinner sometime soon. Edie and me, you and Maddie, and Flora? Could be fun.”
“You’re slipping, old man, if your idea of fun is a dinner party with a ten-year-old,” Barrett chuckled.
“You can come too if you want, Barrett,” he said, sitting back in his chair with a snort. “Flora’s a fun girl, and I know you like redhe–”
“No,” I said, and was surprised to hear Charlie’s voice alongside my own. “Definitelynot,” he added. “She’s, uh, too young for you, and–and she’s the nanny.”
“Thanks, Charlie,” I muttered, and he grimaced apologetically.
“Not anymore,” James pointed out.
No, I thought,not anymore.I slumped down in the couch cushions. Was that drifting scent of flowers her perfume, or just my wishful imagination?
“Everybody, go home,” I said. “Thank you. For walking with me.” I looked at Charlie. “Thank you. Now… Get out of here.”
They went. First Barrett, off to malinger at one of the bars his firm was invested in, most likely. Then James, lingering, knowing Edie wasn’t waiting at home for him. And finally Charlie, shoving his brother out the front door, then turning to me for one final nod, one clap on the shoulder. “Call me,” he said. “I love you, Walker, you know that. Any time.”
I nodded and pointed at the door. “Get out, Charlie.”
“That’s what you always say,” he said with a resigned grin as he stepped backwards over the threshold. “Later.”
I nodded.
At last the house was quiet. I checked my phone: eleven thirty. As I stared at the screen, a text came in from Barrett.Drink some water, you don’t want to look like shit for your blind date tomorrow.
My stomach churned. I didn’t think it was from the alcohol.
