“It’s not original. He saw it on the internet and did a copycat.”
“It’s a pretty good idea… and it wouldreallypiss off Frank.”
Lucas glared at me. “It’s called vandalism, and it’s illegal.”
“It’s just a sticker. Not like you’re really defacing public property. They can peel it off. No harm done.”
“Absolutely not.” He squirmed in his seat, adjusting himself. “You wouldn’t happen to have calamine lotion tucked away somewhere for emergencies, would you?”
Uh-oh.
“No. Sorry.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned forward. “How far until home?”
“Probably another fifteen minutes.”
He groaned.
“Bogie’s store is about five minutes from here. He sells camping gear. We can get you a bottle.”
“Please.”
Lucas could barely sit still by the time we parked, and he all but ran into the store. I jogged up to meet him and led him to where the calamine lotion was, and I grabbed a bag of cotton balls too. Frank was up at the front desk talking with Bogie.
Great. Frank didn’t like getting interrupted, this was going to be a while.
Lucas looked about ready to pee his pants as he placed the stuff on the counter. He cleared his throat to try and get their attention. Neither one of them budged.
“Excuse me? Hello. Over here.” Lucas waved to them. “I’d hate to interrupt, but it’s a bit of an emergency.”
Bogie looked down at the counter. “Be with ya in a minute.” Frank stared at Lucas and shook his head before continuing an argument over whether chicken livers or crawfish were the best bait to catch catfish.
Lucas opened his wallet and slammed a twenty down on the counter. “This should more than cover it. Keep the change.”
Before Lucas had a chance to get out the door, Frank stepped in front of him and held out his hand. “Whoa, there. I don’t know how you folks do things down there in Boston, but up here, walking out without paying is considered a crime.”
Lucas matched his glare challenge. “I already paid.”
“Really? Cuz I don’t see a receipt.”
Lucas squirmed and pulled at his crotch.
Frank looked down and then back up. “Are you adjusting yourself in my presence?”
Lucas sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm that intense stare of his. “Look, I don’t want trouble. I have poison ivy, and I’mreallyitchy. So can we drop this?”
Frank tilted his head and burst out laughing. “How in the hell does one get poison ivy on their genitals?”
Lucas’s hands clenched into fists by his sides.
I walked up to Bogie and whispered. “Get the receipt now. He paid.”
Bogie nodded, and the sound of the bell on the old register made both men turn around.
“Ah. Your change and receipt, sir.” Boogie smiled.
“Thank you.” Lucas took my hand, and we power walked out the door. He headed down the main street and popped into a diner. When he came out, I finished the job by pulling up his T-shirt and dabbing lotion on his shoulder blade and lower back.
“So, where would I find red circle inventory stickers around here?”
A burst of excitement shot through me. “You’re gonna do it?”
“Will it piss off Frank?”
“Oh yeah.Bigtime.”
“Then I just found my prank, and we’re going to mark every damned sign in this town.”
Yes!
