It didn’t matter. She didn’t care. Couldn’t even think, her mind’s eye full of the raw despair in Marcus’s eyes. The grief in his voice. And she had no more answers as to the cause than she’d had before.
Only certainty that it was specific to her.
Her feet took her back to the fire in front of the tent she shared with Quintus, her friend on his feet in a flash at the sight of her. “Are you all right?” he demanded, voice full of panic. “What happened? Did hehurtyou?”
“I’m fine.” Her lips were numb, making it hard to speak. “He didn’t do anything to me.”
Teriana stood for a long moment in the rain, then shook her head, ducking inside the tent.
Quintus followed, pulling the flaps shut behind him.
Catching hold of her arm, he pulled her down onto her pallet. “What happened in there? What did Marcus say?”
“More of the same.” The tiny gold ship was digging into her flesh, but she couldn’t seem to loosen her grip on it.
“He’s an asshole, Teriana. I’ve told you that.” Quintus gripped her hands. “He doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings.”
She felt cold again, the wind from the storm coming through the tent flaps and drawing gooseflesh to her skin. Lightning flickered, and a heartbeat later, thunder boomed, causing the men in the camp to shout and laugh. Quintus was trying to make her feel better, but hewas also so far from the truth. The proof of that dug into her palm with sharp edges of gold and enamel. “After we crossed the Teeth, we stayed in a tiny town during solstice and there was a fair. Did I tell you that?” When Quintus shook his head, she said, “There were games. I kept spending coins to try to solve this puzzle to win candy, but I couldn’t get it. No one could. Only Marcus solved it on the first try.”
“Probably to show how smart he is.”
She gave a slow shake of her head. “No, I think he played because he knew I wanted the candy.” Tears dripped down her cheeks. “He was so different than he is as legatus, but every day that passes, what I remember feels more like a dream. Like something that I made up, except… except…” A sob tore from her throat, and Teriana rested her forehead on her friend’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I thought I could influence the direction of events, but I feel like a toy boat in a hurricane, entirely powerless about what direction I go. I feel like an absolute idiot believing that I was a player, because it turns out I’m just a pawn.”
Quintus was quiet for a long time, then he said, “We could leave. It’s not like he didn’t give you the option. Youdohave a sea serpent at your beck and call, and with him, we could free your ship and crew, load up Miki, and sail away.”
“You want to be a sailor?” she asked, wiping at her tears.
“I want to be with the man I love. Nothing else really matters.”
The sadness in his voice broke her already fractured heart, and Teriana moved so their foreheads were pressing together. Remembered the first time she and Quintus had spoken, when Cassius had paraded her through the streets of Celendrial. Remembered his grin when he’d told her that the legionnaires gossiped worse than a knitting circle, for it had been the first moment she’d seen one of them as human. As a person.
And now a friend. One of the closest friends she’d ever had.
“Don’t stay just because of me,” she said quietly. “If there is a moment where you think you can get away, when you think you can steal Miki off that island, do it. If you need my help, ask, because I’ll do anything and everything in my power to help you.”
“Except come with me.”
She bit her lip, her shattered heart desperately wanting to sayyes.To race away with her friends and her crew and leave all of this behind. Except how much longer would there be a place for all of them to hide? How much longer until the Empire’s reach had grown so great that deserters were hunted to the ends of Reath? Maybe she wasonly a pawn in this mess, but if she didn’t at leasttryto contain the Empire’s dominion, there would come a moment when she cursed her cowardice.
“I can’t. For the sake of my captive people, I have to see this through.” It was bigger than that, a compulsive sense that sheneededto be here that she hadn’t been able to explain to Marcus and couldn’t explain now, so Teriana didn’t bother to try, only said, “Marcus said he plans to take Emrant by force, so in truth, it won’t be much longer until I’m free. If you’re still here, I’m going to take you with me.”
“I’ll still be here.” She felt Quintus’s brow furrow where it was pressed against hers. “I’ve lost too many close friends. First Yaro. Then Agrippa. And nearly Miki. I’m not going to abandon you in this underworld of a camp, Teriana. You need someone at your back. As it is, if Miki learns that I abandoned you, he’ll send me right back.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, seeing a small glow of light in the sea of darkness trying to consume her. “Thank you.”
32MARCUS
He awoke to a splitting headache and Amarin banging loudly around his room as he set the table for breakfast.
“It’s past dawn,” his servant said at a volume that felt closer to a shout, and Marcus winced. “Your officers are already in the command room, possessed of the full faculties of those who did not consume half our wine stores.”
“You say that as though this were a regular occurrence.” His mouth tasted like death, the light seeming to pulse as his brain dragged itself out of its stupor. “I took a night off.”
“Well, I hope you enjoyed it, because now you have a mess to clean up.”
For a heartbeat, Marcus thought Amarin meant aliteralmess, but then memory washed over him. Not his conversation with Austornic, although there’d be repercussions to that, but Teriana.
Teriana in a Cel dress.
