But god, I wish I hadn’t.
When she’s done explaining how she spent Saturday night in a closet in Coach Silva’s office, I nearly lose my mind.
“What are we going to do, Pete? Do we talk to Kaden first? The athletic department? The police? I’m not even sure where to start.”
“Are you crazy?” The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Silva’s clearly involved in bad shit, Claire. This isn’t for us. We need to pass it on to the proper place, and then we need to step away. This has nothing to do with us.”
“Maybe you’re the one who’s crazy, Pete. You saw how effective the campus cops are, and even if the actual police get involved, it can’t just end there. He’s betting on games, Pete. With Sophie’s help. And Lord knows what else they’re doing. Do you have any idea how bad this is? We need to call them out. To stop it from happening. We need to do something.”
“Haven’t you done enough?” I volley back, my words sharp as knives as they strike their target. “Do you realize how fucking dangerous that was Claire? You’re going to get yourself hurt someday. And please tell me you’re not thinking about writing this story.”
Her eyes are wide with hurt. “It has to be written. These are crimes, Pete, they have to be exposed.”
“Do they?” I ask, the stress of the last few weeks raining down on me. “And do you have to be the one to do it? That’s not your job. You don’t need to be on this asshole’s radar.”
The expression on Claire’s face is one of hurt and disbelief. “I’m a journalist. This is what I do. You want me to live a safe little life where I write cozy little features forthe hometown gazette and run a part-time photog studio out of the basement of our colonial, right?”
I’m smart enough to keep my mouth shut, but I can’t lie. That seems like a damn good life.
“There’s nothing wrong with that life, but it’s just not for me, Pete. And what you need to understand is that there’s nothing wrong with the life I want, either.”
“So, what? I’m just supposed to ignore the danger you’re putting yourself in?”
She shakes her head sadly, like she pities me. “Am I supposed to ignore the laws Woodcock is breaking? And the ties to Bainbridge?”
“Of course not, but you need to let the authorities handle it.” My head is throbbing, and I let the pain get to me. This is just like the article she wrote for The Howler all those months ago. She could have just gone to the dean and reported what she knew. But instead, she put the program on blast and left herself vulnerable. And that terrifies me. “I just don’t understand why you went looking for trouble in the first place.”
“I didn’t. But if that’s what you think, then maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do. Not everyone is as honorable as you, Pete. Coach Dan and Sophie the bride-to-be sure as hell aren’t. You think I’m looking for trouble, but I’m just looking for the truth. It’s not my fault they’re in the same place sometimes.”
She looks so sad, so broken, and all I want to do is wrap her in my arms. But when I do, our embrace is stiff and stilted.
“Claire, I?—”
She shakes her head before I can finish my sentence. “I’m not sure what to think. Maybe we just need a little space?”
I want to tell her she’s wrong, that space will only makethings worse. But maybe she’s right. Between my mom’s surgery and the game this weekend, I’ve got so much on my mind that I can’t think straight. That must be why I agree with her proposal.
Even as I walk away, I know it’s the wrong thing to do. But I do it anyway.
Maybe Claire was wrong. Maybe I’m not the good guy after all.
30
Claire
Idid a really good job of ignoring Pete Santos for the first three and a half years of college, but now that I’ve had a taste of him, it’s damn near impossible.
I’m reminded of him everywhere I go. His shirts are in my drawers, the scent of his cologne is on my sheets, and the look on his face when he walked away is tattooed on my memory.
It’s like there’s a giant, burly shadow following me everywhere I go.
I should be loving life these days. Leslie and Garrett loved the piece I did about getting away on a budget. They liked it so much that they offered me a paid internship atThe Prentiss Reportthis summer. It’s the best news I could have hoped for, and Barb and Linda from my work study threw me a little party to celebrate, but not being able to share it with Pete dulls the shine.
It doesn’t help that I’m torturing myself. I’m texting Holland while I’m waiting for the live stream of the championship game to start.
Holland: Ryan said Pete’s miserable without you. I really think you two can work this out.
Claire:I’m not so sure we can. It’s kind of a fundamental difference.
