Yes—I loved him. I loved him so much I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. And I knew he loved me. Aside from his slip-ups, the way he looked at me said it all. It was the way all girls wanted to be looked at. The way they should be looked at.
I should be overjoyed, but instead I was fucking terrified.
Caleb loving someone like me wasn’t bad for me, but for him … it was a catastrophe.
The distance between us grew shorter, so I shook my head in hopes of stopping my pondering (brooding was more like it).
Once I was within reach, his strong arms engulfed me in the biggest hug. Every time he held me like this, I felt like I was protected, safe from all the evils in the world. It was a foreign feeling, but one I savored.
“Missed you, baby.” Caleb pulled back from the hug and winked at me.
Sexy fucker.
His hand never left mine as we walked to his truck. Caleb, always the gentleman, opened the door for me.
He apprehensively let go of my hand. I loved how he always wanted to have some sort of connection to me—the intertwining of our fingers, his hand on the small of my back, our bodies pressed close together when we were side by side. It was like he was holding me back from running away, trying his best to keep me grounded. Can’t say I hadn’t thought of it, once or twice.
He showed affection toward me proudly. Never fearful of what people might think. Granted, he didn’t know the full extent of who I was, but I had to change that tonight.
The car jolted from a pothole. He chuckled, making me more uneasy to see him so carefree considering what I was about to tell him. I bit the inside of my cheek nervously and looked out the window at the houses as we drove past. We’d just reached a familiar intersection when a car cut us off.
The brakes shrieked from the exertion, and I was jolted backward, my head hitting the headrest.
“Come on!” Caleb threw his hands up dramatically. We were stopped in the middle of the intersection going straight toward Bar. He muttered “asshole” under his breath.
The kid in the other car was inches away from Caleb’s front bumper. Thank God for his quick reflexes. The truck rattledfrom the incident. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself from a potential panic attack.
“Are you all right?” Caleb asked, looking at me.
I didn’t trust my voice not to shake and give me away, so I nodded quickly and then looked back at the careless driver who decided to make a right on red.
The smartass in the other car held up his middle finger and continued to cut Caleb off.
He was probably around my age and laughed menacingly at Caleb’s annoyance. Definitely not from around here, his car was too clean for these country roads.
Caleb continued driving once the light was actually green. We were only a few blocks away from the bar. After Caleb had called me on spacing out, he repeated what I’d missed—he needed to stop there to pick up the wine inventory list. He apologized for us having to stop a few times. I was still shaken up by the incident from moments ago, but I didn’t want him to know, so I told him it wasn’t a big deal and apologies weren’t needed.
Ever since Julia’s accident, cars made me nervous. I’d seen firsthand the damage they could do. How quick an accident happened, but damn did the pain linger. The first few months after Julia’s death, I had to take anxiety meds each time I rode in a car. It was part of the reason I never pursued getting my license. I was scared by the idea of being in control of a car, though a therapist once said it was the lack of control of my life that truly terrified me.
Caleb had mentioned once or twice about teaching me how to drive, but I never entertained the idea. The thought of potentially having more blood on my hands was enough for me to dismiss his offer.
Before long, we pulled up in front of Bar. Through the windshield, I spotted that the garbage bins were still out front.Caleb wasn’t going to be happy about that. Whoever started their shift was in charge of pulling the bins around to the back of the bar.
“Fucking Max,” Caleb muttered as he shut off the engine. He turned to me. “Do you want to come in? I’ll only be a few minutes either way.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. I’ll stay in the car.” I didn’t want to witness his wrath on Max. He had recently finished his suspension, after all.
Caleb pursed his lips as if he wanted to say something but instead held out his hand. “Here. Turn the car back on if you get chilly.”
He scooped his finger underneath my cardigan. “Always weather-confused, my love,” Caleb teased, his eyebrows waggling.
My eyes widened at the wordlove. My heart raced and my palms began to sweat. I didn’t know what to say, so I just took the key from him.
Thankfully, he wordlessly exited the truck. I prayed Max’s mishap would distract Caleb enough from remembering this uncomfortable exchange.
Caleb was kind, easygoing, and soft-spoken, but when push came to shove, he had no problem being assertive in voicing what he needed and expected, especially when it came to his business. It was one of the many things I loved about him.
Fuck!
