We were on the backyard patio where there was a nice setup. Caleb had a patio set, grill, and a small playground area for Noelle. There was even an above-ground pool, which Caleb said needed a new liner.
I followed the glow of the fire pit where Caleb stood with his back to me, stacking fresh logs on the fire, the flames flickering light over his broad shoulders. He looked so at ease, so perfectly in his element, it made my breath catch in my throat. This wasn’t a world I ever imagined for myself, but I couldn’t help but love it.
He was so perfect, and it scared me because I was holding back from him. I wasn’t even sure whether I was consciously holding myself back, or whether these thoughts had become so ingrained, they were impossible to get out.
“There you are,” he said, his voice filled with amusement.
“I’m here to steal a marshmallow.” I smirked but my mind filled with fear and doubts.
Caleb turned, and with a knowing smile on his lips, he challenged, “I’d like to see you try.”
I took a stick and marshmallow from the bag. I held it over the flames, trying to turn it like he was effortlessly doing.
Within seconds, the damn thing caught fire. “Shit!” I yelped, frantically waving it around.
He chuckled and caught my wrist, steadying me. I blew out the tiny flame, peeling off the burnt outer layer before giving up and throwing it in the trash bin.
I settled into the chair beside him, snuggling into his hoodie, inhaling his scent.
“You warm enough?” He grabbed a thick, well-worn blanket from the chair next to him and draped it over my shoulders.His hands lingered for a second, the heat of his touch sending shivers down my spine.
“Caleb, you’re perfect.” I laughed incredulously to myself in disbelief. “It’s actually unbelievable.”
Caleb’s eyebrows furrowed. “And that’s a bad thing?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said loudly before growing quiet.
The air around us grew heavy, and I felt like I had a pit in the bottom of my stomach. I didn’t want to ruin things between us, but I did have a pattern of self-sabotaging. I needed reassurance, so I found myself blurting exactly what I didn’t want to.
“I’m worried I’m not good enough for you,” I admitted sheepishly, taking another marshmallow and spearing it onto a stick.
Caleb pursed his lips and frowned. He took the stick from my hands and set it aside.
“Grace, please don’t say that,” he whispered softly. The earnestness shone through in his voice. Like it always did. This man was definitely one without pretenses.
“It’s true though. I’m not good,” I choked out, on the verge of tears. “Once I tell you everything about myself, you might hate me.” I whispered the last part.
I closed my eyes and was honest with myself for the first time in a long time. “I’ve been through a lot of shit and survived. But you hating me …” I trailed off and shook my head back and forth. He squeezed my trembling hand. “I don’t think I can survive that.”
I was falling for him. I’d probably already fallen.
“Baby.” Caleb took a breath and rose from his chair. He took my face in his hands and cradled me like I was a piece of glass. “I can’t fathom what you would tell me that would make me hate you. Not when I … not when what I feel for you is quite the opposite. But I will say this: holding all of the poison inside killsyou slowly. Sometimes, when you finally let go and set yourself free from the secrets, you’ll feel clean.”
Like brand new—that was how Caleb looked at me.
All I wanted was to be brand new.
For him. For me. For us.
I gulped and nodded in understanding. “Okay,” I breathed out. “Let’s get back to s’mores.”
Caleb gave me a weary look but obliged. He speared another marshmallow with ease and turned it over the fire. His movements were slow and sure, the flames licking the edges without ever consuming it.
When he pulled the marshmallow back, he placed it onto a graham cracker already topped with a square of chocolate, then pressed another cracker gently on top before holding it out to me. “Here, my lady.”
I took a bite, my lips wrapping around the gooey mess, moaning in appreciation. “This is perfect.”
He watched me intently as I ate the delicious treat. S’mores seemed like an innocent nostalgic snack but the look on his face was anything but innocent. My heart pounded as I licked a bit of chocolate from my lip, teasing him, and I saw Caleb’s restraint snap.
