She’d sent three question marks after that.
Lenore had retreated to her bedroom and crawled under her covers. She’d wept for several minutes, and then said,You’reright, but I really do want to start paying you back as soon as possible.
Let’s talk again next month,Arizona had said.I think you’ll have a better idea of how things will go on the homestead by then.She’d sent a smiley face and a heart, which meant Brandon had not told his family anything about them.
And what would he say, Lenore?she asked herself as she stirred a spoonful of sugar into her morning coffee.
They hadn’t exactly broken up, not with words at least. But Lenore felt more alone than ever. Brandon had checked in with her yesterday morning to get his assignment, and she fully expected him to do so today, acting in a subservient, hired-help role, instead of coming out and working with her on the homestead as a partner.
She wasn’t sure what she wanted, if she were being honest with herself. She’d loved the last ten weeks of getting to know Brandon, working alongside someone who seemed to have as much passion for homesteading and the land as she did, and falling in love with him.
But the truth was, she paid him to be there, and when she couldn’t do that anymore, why would he want to stay?
But he said he wants to stay,her mind whispered at her, a low hissing sound that she pushed away.
She left the cabin and fed the dogs on the front porch the way she usually did. As they crunched through their breakfast, she surveyed the land before her.
Brandon had finished both fences for the turkey enclosure and the goat enclosure, and she could get animals at any time.
He’d texted on Tuesday night after he’d retreated to his cabin, saying he didn’t think he had enough time left on his contract to do both a smokehouse, a well house,andthe cold storage and storm shelter. He told her she had to pick two, and he would work as fast and as hard as he could to get them done.
She’d been so tired that she hadn’t answered.
Especially after he’d told her that in order to get the planing machine from Calvin again, his friend wanted a load of finished, planed lumber to build a deck. Brandon had promised it to him, and then he’d said,But if you don’t want to do that, it’s fine. It’s 40 boards, which I reckon would be nine or ten trees. I’m willing to do it and take him the lumber, but I arranged that before asking you, because I assumed it would be okay, and I don’t want to make that assumption. So you tell me what you want to do, Lenore. I’ll be ready to build whatever you decide on Thursday.
Thursday had now arrived, and Lenore had to decide.
She wanted all of the things that Brandon had proposed, but she figured the smokehouse and the well house were probably the most important. She had refrigeration and a freezer now, and with multi-seasonal growing opportunities in the Panhandle, she wouldn’t need a cold storage facility the way some other homesteads might.
She pulled her phone out to text him.I know it’s a lot more building, but I’d love it if we could do
She erased the text and took the wordweoff.
I’d love it ifyoucould do the smokehouse and the well house. I can start cutting and prepping the lumber today while you go get the planer from Calvin. Of course, we have to pay him to use it, and if he wants that in lumber, that’s fine.
Lenore had enough trees, and while they had the machine, perhaps she could do a few more loads of lumber to sell as well. That had seemed popular, and perhaps she could pay Arizona for the well before Brandon left.
She tucked her phone away and went down the front steps.Then it’ll be a clean break between you and them,she told herself as the winter sun weakly shined over her.
She fed the chickens and gathered the eggs, put them in cartons, and stored them in her fridge. She stared at the shelves, realizing that at some point, Brandon had removed all of his food from her fridge. His shelf now sat empty, and without any warning at all, Lenore burst into tears.
She hated feeling like this—like she was being torn in two. She got thrown back to last summer, when she knew she needed to hire someone, and yet hadn’t been able to make herself do it.
Why was she so resistant to Brandon being part of this homestead? It would still be hers—and so would he.
Everything in her life seemed turned inside out and connected wrong.
Lenore slammed the fridge and moved two steps down to her kitchen sink. She could turn the knob and have cold water in a mere moment.
That miracle made her sob harder, and she turned on the water, cupped her hands under it—shivering instantly at the iciness of it—and then splashed it against her face.
She gasped, the shock of the cold water making her stop and think for a moment. With water dripping from her face, Lenore blinked and tried to find a path toward what she had imagined to be her happily ever after.
Was Brandon there or not?
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, pushing away the panic and distress, the negativity and the loneliness, that she often let guide her decisions.
When she’d finally listed the job on the help boards, she’d been in a place of calmness and serenity, not desperation and sadness. She needed to get to that place again to know what to do about Brandon.
