Once she walked out, I sighed and turned to look over my room. My eyes landed on my cellphone that had been shut off since the night before. I moved across the room and sat down on the edge of my bed. Picking up the phone, I turned it on.
It took a moment before it booted up, but once it did, I only had a single notification go off. I opened my text messages, and sure enough, there was a single text from him. I read it and deleted it. I tossed the phone aside and got up, going back to work. But as I moved about, packing my things, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was doing the right thing.
Should I give him the chance to explain? There was an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, and the two were fighting. What was the point in allowing him to explain when I knew it would just be a bunch of lies to have me trapped in his web once again?
And when everything boiled down to the basics, it was all pointless anyway. There were no guarantees. Even if I forgave him, eventually, he’d grow tired of me and he’d move on, trapping another student in his clutches. It made me wonderhow many times he’d done that over the years. Was I the first, the first of many, or was I just another dumb kid who let him take advantage of her?
The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. But with that anger came energy that pushed me forward. It wasn’t long until I was making my way home in the back of an Uber, with all of my belongings.
The ride home cost me a fortune, basically emptying what was left in my bank account. I planned to go job hunting the next day so that I could provide for myself, since I had a place to stay. The ride home seemed longer than usual, but maybe that was just because I was in such a hurry to get away, to hide.
The sun was setting when I finally made it home. Nothing had changed, even though I expected it to for some reason. As I walked up the sidewalk, toward the front door, I almost felt like I was sixteen again. I felt so small, so broken, so unsure of where life was taking me.
Just when I reached for the doorknob, the door opened from the inside. Gabe looked at me with surprise and confusion painting his face.
“Eve… what are you doing here?” He pulled me in for a hug so tight that he lifted my feet off the ground.
“I left school. I’m moving back home,” I told him when he put me down. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at your apartment in the city? Are you and Lindsay OK?”
“We’re fine,” he said, releasing me and ushering me inside. “The lease was up, and I didn’t want to renew while we waited to find a new place. It made sense to stay here. Lindsay went to visit her parents while I came here to get some work done. We’re considering making this our permanent home. She likes the area.”
I nodded. Made sense.
“What happened?” He pressed.
I took a look around. Nothing much had changed inside. Every photograph was still hanging on the wall where Mom hung them. The smell was even the same. If I closed my eyes, I knew that I could almost make myself believe that I was just a kid again. If I tried real hard, I could probably convince myself that Mom was in the kitchen, cooking dinner. That Dad was in the garage, tinkering with the lawnmower.
“What’s going on, Eve? Leaving school? That isn’t like you,” Gabe said.
When I looked up at him, I saw the disappointment written on his face.
I shrugged as my eyes filled with tears. “I just… couldn’t do it. I needed to be back here. Is it okay if I stay here for a little while?”
“Of course it is. It’s your house too. You’re always welcome here, and you know that, but why are you quitting school? You worked so hard for this.”
“I’m not quitting. I’m going to take my classes online, and I plan to transfer to a location closer to my home next semester. I’ll still graduate on time. The only difference will be that I’ll be living at home and going to a different school.
His brows were knitted together as he stood with his arms crossed over his chest. He rubbed his hand against his jaw, almost like he was trying to figure out if he should let me do this or not. Not knowing what else to do, he shrugged. “Alright. You want some dinner? I can run out and?—”
“No, thank you. I’m not hungry. I just want to go up to my room and sleep for the next week.” I grabbed my bag from his hand so I was holding all three of them. “Just forget that I’m even here,” I said, already moving up the steps.
I could feel him watching me as I made my way up, but I didn’t turn back. I just kept going until I was inside mychildhood bedroom. I dropped my things on the floor and sighed as I looked around the room.
Nothing was out of place. Everything was exactly as I’d left it. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by that. My vanity was still covered in makeup, perfumes, and lotions. My bookcase was still filled with all the books I’d acquired over the years. Some Babysitter’s Club, Goosebumps, Sweet Valley High, that my mom tried to get me into, but I never got bored enough to try, and then all of the college prep books I forced my parents to buy just to run away from college like it hadn’t been the goal my entire life.
There was a family picture of the four of us sitting on my bedside table. I sat on the edge of my bed and picked up the frame. I studied my dad’s face. He had a wide smile and big, green eyes. He was so happy in this photo. I loved that three seconds before the photo was taken, he grabbed my mom and pulled her into his lap. She was surprised, her mouth wide open, but he was looking directly at the camera and grinning as if he had the whole thing planned. On the floor, Gabe and I were playing at his feet.
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I swear I’ve been trying,” I told his picture before putting the frame back on the table and lying down. I tucked my hand under my pillow and felt something thin and stiff beneath it. I grabbed the paper and pulled it out, finding a picture of Elliot and me from the last summer he visited.
My mom took the picture just days before she passed away. She came home from work and found Gabe and me playing chicken in the pool with Elliot and a girl named Jenna, who had a crush on my brother. Of course, Gabe wanted Jenna on his shoulders, so I was on Elliot’s.
In the picture, I was sitting on Elliot’s shoulders, and he was standing in the shallow end of the pool. His hard, tanned chest was exposed. He was grinning with his eyes angled up like hewas trying to look at me. I was smiling widely too. I was more than happy to have his head between my thighs, even in an innocent way.
I sighed and tossed the picture onto the table as I rolled away. I closed my eyes and gave in to the exhaustion that had chased me all the way home. I could finally rest. Or at least, I was going to try since I forgot my teddy bear at Elliot’s.
I rolledover and knocked into something hard. “Ouch,” I sighed as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you,” Elliot said.
