“The two of you got into that argument in the living room. You remember that?”
The moment he mentioned it, the memory played out before me, taking me back.
Tears were pouring from my eyes. I couldn’t make them stop, no matter how hard I tried. “What are we going to do?” I asked Gabe, but he didn’t answer because he hadn’t had time to process everything yet.
He was sitting on the couch, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. Elliot was pacing, back and forth, walking from one end of the living room to the other.
“Gabe! What are we going to do?” I asked again, my heartbreak threatening to tear me to pieces as tears streamed down my cheeks. “You’re an adult now, but I’m not!” Panic consumed me. “Oh my God. They’re going to take me away! They’re going to stick me in the foster system where I’ll probably get placed with some sicko who likes to touch kids! Please, Gabe!”
Gabe’s head jerked up, and he glared at me. “If you don’t shut the fuck up, that’s exactly what they’ll do. And I’ll let them!” he yelled.
I started to hyperventilate as more and more tears ran from my eyes. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t do anything but turn and run up the stairs to hide inside my bedroom. I locked the door behind me. My brother might let them take me, but nobody could hurt me if I didn’t let them in.
I nodded my head, trying to push that memory away. We’d both been broken. Gabe had been just as terrified as I was.
“Of course I remember that. I ran to my room and locked myself inside. I vowed never to come out.”
He nodded. “After you ran up the stairs, I bitched Gabe out for saying that shit to you. I mean, I knew he didn’t mean it. He was hurting and panicked. He just snapped and said whatever it took to shut you up so he could process, but I still bitched him out for it. You didn’t deserve that.” He sighed. “Anyway, he said he was sorry for acting the way he did, and he brought out a bottle of vodka. Anna was back at my parents’ place, waiting forme. I called and had her driven over after you locked yourself away. The three of us sat there, taking pulls from the bottle. Once we all had a good buzz going and he had calmed down, I brought it up again. I told him that he was your guardian and that he needed to talk to you, tell you that he was sorry for snapping, and make sure that you understood that he was going to protect you.”
He was quiet for a moment before continuing. “Well, you know your brother. He didn’t like being told what to do. Especially if he had been drinking. The alcohol didn’t take the pain away. It numbed it. And when I said that to him, I just made it all come back up, but it doubled. He jumped down my throat. He shot up off the couch and pushed me. I told him that he needed to grow up and take care of his sister, and that if he couldn’t do it, I would. That’s when I came upstairs to talk to you.”
I let my mind wander back to that night again.
Knock, knock, knock.
“Go away!” I called out, my throat aching from all the crying.
“It’s me,” Elliot said on the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”
“No! I’m never unlocking that door. If you can’t come in, neither can CPS.”
“Do you really think I’d let anyone come in here and take you?”
His words made my heart leap in my chest.
“Come on, Evie. You know you can trust me. Let me in.”
There was something about his voice that drew me in. It made me trust him, even if I didn’t want to. It made me do whatever he said, even if I didn’t think I could. All I had to do was shut off my brain and let my body take over. When I did that, I found myself moving across the room to unlock thedoor. The sound of the lock pushed me back into my head, and I turned and ran back to my bed. I buried my face in the pillows and cried more.
He was so quiet. I almost thought that he’d changed his mind about coming in. But the soft clicking of the door told me that he had opened it.
I froze, waiting for him to make a noise. He didn’t, though. I felt the slight jar of my bed when he sat on the edge.
For a long time, neither of us talked. We just sat with the sound of my soft sobs in the air. I listened to the sound of him breathing in the darkness, a slow, steady rhyme. It almost lulled me to sleep. I nearly jumped when he finally spoke.
“I know things are hard now,” he said quietly. “But I promise, everything will work out eventually.”
I rolled onto my back and looked at him in the dim light from my bedside table. “Nothing is ever going to be the same again.”
He was sitting on the edge of my bed, much like my brother had been sitting on the couch. His elbows were on his knees, and he had leaned forward, hanging his head. He looked over at me, finding my eyes in the dimness.
“No, it won’t, but that doesn’t mean that things won’t work out. You’re a smart girl. You’ll finish school, go off to college, where you’ll probably meet the love of your life. One of these days, you’ll graduate and go out into the world to start the career you’ve been working toward. You’ll marry that lucky bastard and settle down, have kids, the whole nine yards.”
I wiped at my eyes. “No, that’s how my life would’ve gone if my parents hadn’t died. Now, who knows where I’ll end up.”
“Nothing has to be any different, Evie.”
“Yes, it does. Everything is different. My parents are gone, and my brother, who had a whole life planned out, will either have to step up and become my guardian or he’ll have to standby as they walk me out of the only home I’ve ever known. I bet I know which he’ll choose.” I wiped at my tears again, my heart aching. The sadness was wearing off, slowly being replaced by anger.
