Then this mess.
Just thinking about the way he bent me over his desk had my stomach tightening, and my heart started to race. The thing was, he didn’t have to try and manipulate me if he really wanted a physical relationship with me. I’d had a crush on him since I was just a girl. I would’ve gladly accepted his proposal to take things to the next level, even if he was my professor. I didn’t know why he felt like he needed to make this deal to get what he wanted from me, but I knew that he’d hold it over my head at every turn.
I thought back to the days when Professor West was just Elliot. I held onto those memories because they were some of the best memories I had.
“He has a girlfriend,” I told my friends as the four of us stood beneath the tree, watching Elliot as he tossed baseballs at the pyramid of bottles that were set up beneath the red and white striped carnival tent.
“I don’t see her anywhere,” Ashley said.
“That’s because she doesn’t live here. Elliot said that she does plan on coming here for a visit sometime this summer, though.” I crossed my arms over my chest. I turned my head to find Ashley coating yet another layer of bright red lipstick on her lips.
“What’s the rule about different zip codes?” Samantha teased, making them all laugh.
Ashley closed the compact and slid it, along with her tube of lipstick, back into her purse. She turned her back to Elliot, even though he wasn’t paying any attention to us, and she pushed up her boobs before tugging her shirt a little lower. “How do I look?” she asked the rest of us.
All the other girls gushed on and on about how good she looked in her cut-off shorts and cropped tee. Ashley had always been the daring one in the friend group, and since she had a major growth spurt in the chest area that summer, she thought all the boys found her attractive. I didn’t answer her. I just rolled my eyes because I knew that it wouldn’t do her any good anyway. Elliot was dating someone in college. There was no way he would give that up for someone who wasn’t even old enough to drive yet.
To nobody’s surprise, Elliot knocked down every single one of the bottles. The man who was in charge of the game pulled down a stuffed elephant and tossed it to him. Elliot and mybrother turned away from the game, noticing me standing with some friends. They started in our direction.
Of course, Gabe noticed Ashley right off the bat, but even he knew that she was too young for him. He wrinkled his nose, knowing how she was.
“We’re going to go ride the bumper cars. You wanna go?” Gabe asked, looking as if he was having a hard time deciding who to look at since we all knew if he paid too much attention to Ashley, she’d try to make a move on him.
I shrugged. “Aren’t you two a little too old for bumper cars?” I asked, giving them a hard time. I glanced around the group, noticing that Ashley had not taken her eyes off Elliot, but Elliot acted like he didn’t even notice. He was looking between Gabe and me.
Elliot scoffed. “You’re never too old for bumper cars. If you think you are, you’re just too chicken to stand with the big dogs,” he teased.
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Is that the story we’re going with?”
Gabe was growing bored, and he rolled his eyes. “Whatever. We’re going to go check out some rides. When you want to have some fun, come find us.” He smacked Elliot in the chest with the back of his hand. “Come on. Let’s leave Ms. Too Cool here with her lame ass friends.” He turned and walked away.
Elliot smirked at me. “For you, Ms. Too Cool.” He handed over the stuffed elephant. “Come have some fun with us.”
I took the elephant, my face heating. “Fine,” I agreed.
Elliot smiled and turned away, following after my brother.
I turned back toward the girls. “I guess I’ll see you guys later,” I told them, noticing how Ashley’s smile had fallen when she didn’t get the attention she was seeking.
For some reason, that made me happy. I was okay with Elliot having a girlfriend. I mean, what college guy didn’t havea girlfriend? But if he was going to give his attention to anyone else, I wanted it to be me. Not Ashley and not any other girl at that carnival. I wanted it to be me. And as long as I was around, he would keep his attention on me like a protective older brother. I didn’t care how he looked at me, as long as he looked at me.
I thought about how special he made me feel, and I wondered what had changed him. Why did he go from acting like a big brother to wanting to torture me? I knew I was being punished for whatever happened between him and Gabe, I just wondered what it was and how hard it would be to get forgiven. If Gabe made amends, would Elliot ease up, or was it so bad that it could never be forgiven?
It didn’t take long for sleep to find me. The moment my head hit the pillow, I was out.
It felt like I’d only been asleep for a few minutes when my alarm went off. I silenced the annoying sound and growled as I pushed myself to my feet. Dropping out was sounding better and better. I mean, if people knew what I’d been going through, nobody would’ve blamed me, but how long was I going to let myself take the easy way out because I had an excuse? I’d done it in high school after my parents died. My teachers let me get away with turning in assignments late or not at all, all because I had the excuse of being an orphan. I didn’t want to be the girl who always had the excuse. I had to take my problems and figure out how to turn them into strengths. The first step was to go to class.
I stood and rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I headed toward the closet. I went through my clothes, trying to find something that would suit him. He liked skirts and dresses because of their easy access, but would he like the access if he couldn’t use it? I had a shift and wouldn’t be able to spend the evening locked away in his office.
At the back of my closet, I found a short jean skirt. I didn’t remember buying it, and I couldn’t remember ever wearing it, but I shrugged as I pushed my pajama pants down, figuring it would work. I pulled the skirt into place, and then I took a step back to look in the mirror.
The skirt was short and fitted. It was a faded color, like it had been worn and washed too many times. I tugged off my pajama top and replaced it with a white cami. Even on a nice day, it was too cold for a sleeveless shirt in Chicago on a fall day, so I found a hooded jacket that I slid my arms into. I slept in my socks, so I kept them on and pulled on my favorite pair of UGG boots for the ultimate look.
Since I was dressed, I grabbed my books and slid them into my bag. I dropped everything in the living room before heading to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, then my hair, before pulling it into an over-the-shoulder braid. I left pieces out to frame my face, then I added some makeup. I covered up my dark circles, added some highlighter to brighten my face, then some mascara and lip gloss. I had just enough time to stop into the dining hall for some breakfast before class started.
When I stepped outside the building, I was surprised by how bright and warm it was. Just the day before, it had been cloudy, windy, and had rain showers off and on. There must have been a warm front moving through because I was sweating by the time I walked to the end of the block. Having no other choice, I removed the jacket and tied it around my waist. I was sure the school probably still had the air conditioning on, so I planned to put my jacket back on before going into the cafeteria to eat.
I was walking up the sidewalk toward the cafeteria when Chase caught me.
