I didn’t have many skirts and dresses, and one I did own was lying destroyed on the floor. Panic filled me again, bringing more tears with it. I leaned over and grabbed it from the floor. Holding it into the air, I surveyed the damage. It was definitelystretched out, but I hoped that washing and drying it would cause it to return to its original size. I held the dress to my chest and fell back into bed. The tears still hadn’t stopped. They flooded my cheeks so fast that I couldn’t wipe them away quickly enough.
My phone chimed, and I looked around for it. I found it on the floor, partially kicked under my bed. I picked it up to see a few missed calls and one text from Gabe.
GABE: Just checking in to make sure everything is okay. You’re probably busy with studying, so you can continue to excel in all your classes. You don’t have to call me back if you’re busy. You’d better be taking care of yourself. Mom and Dad would kick my butt if I didn’t check. Love ya!
I didn’t have it in me to call him back, but I figured a quick text was the least I could do.
EVELYN: Hey, all is good. I’ve spent the day in class and I’m in the library now, trying to write a paper. I’ll call you this weekend and we can catch up. Hope all is well with you. Love you too!
I tossed the phone onto the bed and rolled to my side. I didn’t even want to think about rewriting that paper. I didn’t know how much time I had, but there was no way I was going to be turning it in anytime soon. I couldn’t even think about pulling myself together for class in the morning. Instead of thinking about the following day or the upcoming weekend, I kept my focus on the present. I turned off my light and let sleep take me back under.
I saw nothing but blackness, but I could hear the near-constant sound of someone typing away. The longer it went on, the louder it got until my eyes opened and I found Professor West sitting behind his desk, working at his laptop. I was sitting across from him, and his eyes moved from his computer screen to my face.
“It’s about time you came around. I thought you were going to sleep all day.”
“What happened?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. My whole body felt heavy, and confusion was swirling in my brain. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember how I got there, or why I felt drugged almost.
“You took your punishment like a good girl,” he said, a smirk forming on his lips. “Don’t feel bad. A lot of people pass out from pain.”
I passed out? From pain? What pain? I looked down and found myself completely naked. Not only was I naked, but there were words all over my body. They weren’t just written there, they were tattooed. Big, black letters welled up, surrounded in redness. All of them tender. All of them bleeding. What was worse was what the words said. I was literally wearing all of my insecurities on my skin for everyone to see. The top of my right thigh read, ‘Unlovable,’ and the left read, ‘Orphan.’
I looked at my arms. They were covered in tattoos. Stupid, slut, whore, bitch, worthless, useless, used, plaything, dumb, fat, overly sensitive, cheater, cheater, cheater… They went on and on and on. They marred my arms, chest, stomach, legs, and judging by the heat escaping my face, they were there too.
“What is this?” I whispered, looking up at him.
“That’s your punishment.”
I sprang from my chair, still taking in my broken body. “You scarred me for life as a punishment for your stupid game?” I yelled.
“See, there you go being overly sensitive again.” He stood and started toward me. “You thought you were unlovable, and now you are. When they see you, nobody will ever want to touch you again. You’ll be all mine.”
From the other side of the door, I heard chanting and cheering.
“It sounds like it’s time,” Professor West said, placing his hand on my shoulder as he led me toward the door.
“Time for what?”
He looked at me with bright eyes and a proud smile. “Time to show them, of course.”
“Show who? I can’t go out there like this.”
He didn’t stop pushing me toward the door.
“Elliot, I’m naked.”
He paused. “I know, and now it’s time for everyone to see the real you, the person you are once everything is stripped away.” He opened the door and pushed me through it.
I wasn’t in the hallway. The door to his office opened up to a stage, and I was front and center with the whole class in the crowd. They all looked at me and laughed. Some booed, some cheered, some threw things.
I tried to cover myself with my arms. Tears formed, and then I made eye contact with Gabe. He was directly in front of the stage, looking at me in total disgust.
My alarm went off and jerked me from one of the worst nightmares I’d ever had. I was quick to silence it, but then I relaxed into the bed as I tried to calm my racing heart. That dream was sticking with me, and I couldn’t help but analyze it.
I knew that Professor West would never strip me naked, tattoo my body, and then throw me out for the entire school to see, but I got the meaning. I felt naked with him. I felt exposed, as if he could see all my insecurities, like they were words written on my skin. The funny thing was that he was the only one notjudging me for them. He accepted me, and he still wanted me when everyone else thought I was just a joke. Even Gabe turned away from me when he saw who I was.
Was that dream meant to tell me that I needed to get away from Professor West as fast as possible before he could use all of my insecurities against me, or was it meant to show me that if I gave myself over to him, there wasn’t anything that would make him see me any differently? I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t ready to find out. I rolled over and closed my eyes, opting to stay in bed the rest of the day.
ELLIOT
