I’m constantly on edge, always nervous.
“What about this one?” Natalia holds up a dress with a million crystals.
“I'd look like a chandelier.” I wince as I look at it.
“A gorgeous chandelier,” Anoushka chimes in from the corner where she's texting someone—probably Nikolai.
Sofia emerges from the back room with yet another white gown draped over her arms. “Try this one. It's got structure but still showcases your curves.”
I take the dress and disappear behind the curtain. As I slip it on, I think about Agafon. Does he care what I wear? Has he given a single thought to this wedding beyond the political advantages?
The dress slides over my hips, hugs my waist high up before flowing out in grace. I need help with the zipper, so I call Sofia in.
“Oh,” she breathes when the dress is fully on. “Lili, this is it.”
I turn to the mirror and almost don't recognize myself. The dress emphasizes my figure without apology—my full breasts, my rounded hips.
“Agafon won't know what hit him,” Natalia says as I step out to show the others.
I smile despite myself. “Good. I want him off-balance.”
“Are you nervous?” Anoushka asks, finally looking up from her phone. “About how he’s going to be? How his family might be?”
The question catches me off guard. My cheeks heat as three pairs of eyes fix on me.
“Not exactly,” I say finally. None of them know about Nikandr—no one does. That summer three years ago was a secret I buried when I left for my adventure and went off the grid. When I entered what my family politely calls my “anonymous phase.”
My sisters exchange looks, and I know that if I don’t stop them now, they’ll tell me once more that I can back out of this arrangement.
“But I'll manage,” I say smoothly, and walk back into the dressing room to change.
***
The day arrives with ruthless speed. How did a month go by so quickly? Days felt like seconds, and I feel like my heart is constantly roaring in my chest.
I’m trying not to tremble as Sofia arranges my veil. Natalia applies another coat of mascara to my lashes. Anoushka and Lara argue over where they kept my grandmother's pearl bracelet.
My hands won't stop shaking when Lara finds it and puts it on.
“I wish my brothers were here,” I say suddenly, out of nowhere.
The room goes quiet.
“Hey,” Sofia says, squeezing my shoulder. “We're here. All your cousins are here, and we're going to stand by your side the whole time—now and even…after.”
“That's right,” Natalia nods firmly. “Family sticks together.”
“And you look incredible,” Lara adds. “That dress is perfect.”
I turn to the mirror and study myself. I don’t remember the last time I looked so graceful, so beautiful. My dark blonde hair is swept into an elegant bun, with a few carefully arranged tendrils framing my face. My blue-green eyes seem brighter than usual, enhanced by the makeup.
I look like a bride in every sense of the word. Of course I don’t feel like one, though.
In this moment, a strange sadness encompasses me. My whole life, I thought I’d someday walk down the aisle in jitters at finally marrying the love of my life.
Love, I realize now, might never be a possibility for me.
“It's time,” Sofia says gently. “It’s time.
