Agafon busies himself adjusting my pillows.
“You don't have to do that,” I tell him, watching as he proceeds to check the bandage on my arm. “The nurse will be coming soon.”
His jaw tightens. “I know, but she’s a little rough sometimes.”
“You noticed?” I ask in surprise. He nods and begins to change my bandages with featherlight care. Every time his gaze falls on any of my injuries, his face tightens with rage. Except, I know it’s not toward Viktor Sokolov.
He brings me books I mentioned liking months ago, food prepared exactly how I prefer, and extra blankets before I even realize I'm cold. Each gesture feels like an apology that he can't bring himself to voice.
At night, when he thinks I'm asleep, he sits in the chair beside my bed, watching over me. Sometimes I peek through barely opened eyes to find him staring out the window, lost in thought. But he never stays until morning. He never crosses that invisible line to lie beside me as we did before.
The days pass by like this—Agafon hovering, providing, protecting, but always maintaining that careful distance.
**
One afternoon, I hear an unfamiliar knock on my door.
“Come in,” I call, expecting one of the staff.
Instead, Nikandr slips through the doorway, and I freeze. I haven’t seen him in… ages. Since college, actually, when he traumatized the hell out of me. And now, he stands before me—the same Nikandr who told Agafon I was some heartless bitch who'd wronged him.
“Lilibeth,” he says, hovering near the door with uncertainty. “Can we talk? If you're feeling up to it.”
I furrow my brows, and when I see he looks sober, looks clean, looks healthy, curiosity overcomes me. I’m still angry at him for all the lies he fed Agafon, but perhaps speaking to Nikandr can finally help us all get the fresh start we deserve.
I adjust myself against the pillows, wincing slightly. “I'm not going anywhere.”
He walks in and closes the door gently behind him. He stands around awkwardly until I motion at a chair. “Sit, please,” I insist.
He looks pain-stricken, guilty. He looks like he’s not worthy of me offering him a chair. What is it with the Letvin brothers eating themselves up with guilt?
He sits stiffly, hands clasped between his knees. Up close, I can see the changes in him more clearly—the clarity in his eyes that wasn't there before, the steadiness in his hands, the grooming of his hair.
“I heard what happened between Agafon and you,” he begins. “About what you heard that day when we were speaking in the living room. Agafon hasn't left this house in days. I've never seen him like this, not even when...” He trails off, then meets my eyes directly. “Not even after our parents died. But that's not why I came.”
The silence stretches between us, and I nod at him to carry on.
“I came to apologize,” he finally says. “For college. For everything after. For the lies.”
I can’t bring myself to speak just yet, needing to hear all he has to say and to know if I can truly forgive him.
Nikandr clenches his jaw as he looks up at me with deep sorrow. “I told Agafon you were cruel to me. That you'd led me on, made me think we had something real, then dumped me when I was at my lowest.” He looks up, shame evident in his expression. “I made you the villain because I couldn't face being one myself.”
The admission hits me with unexpected force. After I overheard what I did, I wondered why Agafon had chosen me specifically for his revenge marriage. Now, I know. Because of what Nikandr told him.
“What are you saying?” I ask.
“I’m saying I was a fool and my lies almost cost my brother and you the happiness you so deserve. I wasn’t a good person back then, Lilibeth. I’m clean now.”
“You are?” I ask, with surprise.
“I am,” he says, looking proud for the first time today. “One year, actually.”
“Wow,” I say, and can’t help but break out into a smile. “That’s good…Nikandr.”
The fact is, everything that happened between Nikandr and me happened ages ago. Over the years, I sometimes thought of him as I did of a friend and often prayed he found his way. To see him heal now, itdoesbring me joy.
“Lilibeth, I need you to know that Agafon loves you,” he says simply. “And he's torturing himself over what happened to you, over his part in it all. And because...” He swallows hard. “Because I fed this anger toward you when it was unjustified. I'm trying to make amends for the person I was. And I was horrible to you, Lilibeth.”
