But one small problem still lingers in my mind. There’s one decision of Lilibeth’s I can’t wrap my head around. For someone so conscientious, so caring and careful with how she makes others feel, how the hell did she agree to marry me straight off the bat? She was my younger brother Nikandr’s lover.
And then, despite being with my brother, she takes me to bed?
Does she simply not care how this knowledge might affect Nikandr? How it might—is—playing on my mind? How can she be so callous while on the other hand be so kind?
And like that, an image forms in my head, one that makes me clench my fist tight over the glass I’m holding. I imagine her naked… in bed…with my brother.
It crawls over my skin and makes me feel sick. I suddenly feel angry and resentful, even though I know her past is not my business. But I’m human.
Just then, Dima and Fedor appear. I grit my teeth, expecting that the wolves are back to play, to taunt, to show me why I’m once again wrong for their sister.
“Enjoying the party, Letvin?” Dima asks, his tone surprisingly neutral.
I brace myself for another round of hostility. “It’s alright. Lilibeth’s having fun, so we’ll stick around till she wants.”
Fedor and Dima exchange glances, and to my surprise, they’re not glances of disbelief, but rather, understanding.
Fedor turns to me. “You know, when our families first proposed this alliance, we were convinced it would destroy her.”
I say nothing, waiting for the attack.
“But she seems... happy,” he continues, sounding genuinely perplexed. “When she's with you, at least.”
“Yeah, from what we’ve observed tonight,” Dima nods. “You’ve stayed by her side and don’t think we missed it when she pulled you into this corner.”
“I mean, it makes sense she’s happy,” says Fedor, now breaking into a smile. “Given how you’re going soft on her.”
I stiffen. “You're mistaken.”
“Are we?” Fedor raises an eyebrow. “That’s not how it looked.”
“Haven’t you heard?” I growled at Fedor. “Looks can be deceiving. I’m not going soft for Lilibeth.”
“But we've seen how you look at her,” Fedor presses. “When you think no one's watching.”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” I say, my voice flat.
“Sure you don't.” Dima's smile is knowing. “Just remember—if you hurt her, we'll still kill you. Alliance or not. Whether she loves you or not.”
“I have no reason to hurt her,” I growl.
Dima and Fedor glower as they walk away.
Chapter 19 - Lilibeth
I freeze behind the partition, my hand clenched around the grille, unable to move. I can’t be hearing what I am. Just a second ago, Fedor was speaking about how happy I look, and the next thing I know, Agafon is denying that he’s soft for me. He sayslooks can be deceiving.
Agafon’s words slice into my heart, and I feel my hands tremble from the sorrow I feel. Just this morning, his hands were clasped around my waist as he kissed me good morning before heading off to work. And what about that night in the hut? Was taking me to bed with such care and affection also an act?
I thought we were making progress, especially when he told me all about Nikandr. But am I wrong? Hearing him now, it seems that what I thought we shared means nothing to him.
I press my back against the wall to the washroom, trying to breathe past the anxiety crawling through me. I need to get out of here, but I don’t want to see Agafon right away.
I’m disappointed. So disappointed to hear how callously he denies having any feelings for me, how carelessly he stops my brothers from making inferences about our relationship that hint at affection.
If he feels nothing for me, then why should I foolishly invest the time and effort I have into building something real?
I push myself away from the wall, smoothing down my dress over my hips. Maybe, a small voice in my head thinks. Maybe he’s putting on an act for my brothers. I refuse to believe he feels nothing for me. I, too, thought he was going soft on me.
