Smart. Yes.
Powerful. Yes.
A Rebel. Yes.
Was he trying to convince her that he was a sadist? That he found pleasure in hurting others? Her?
"I'm different than most men." He paused. "There's something about inflicting pain on others and even receiving pain that makes me feel..." He shrugged. "Alive."
The room closed in on her. She pushed against him, forgetting there was a bigger threat of pissing him off. He refused to let her go.
"Please. You promised you wouldn't hurt me." She grabbed at his fingers, trying to bend them off her hip. "Let me up."
"We're talking." He shifted his hands, one palmed her thigh, and the other pressed against her back.
The more relaxed hold gave her a little breathing room, and she sucked in air as if she'd finally pushed her head above water. "W-what does this have to do with me? You said you wouldn't hurt me, and I'm not into being hurt or any kinky stuff, so why tell me this?"
"First off, I went to the gym because I no longer wanted to control myself. I was feeling numb."
"Numb?"
"Life numbs me." He frowned. "It builds up, and yes, I can be dangerous, but I won't let myself get to that level with you. Rarely can I not check myself. But I won't lie. There have been times when my needs got the better of me, and I lost control." He squeezed her leg.
She needed to move. To walk. To shake off the new information about Serge. "I still don't understand what this has to do with me."
"I can teach you ways to help me that will be pleasurable for you." He smoothed her hair down her back. "If you let me have control."
"You're telling me that to feel alive, you need to beat someone up." She gulped. "That's messed up, Serge."
"There's nothing about me that conforms to society's norm. My mom was a prostitute. I lived on the street at six years old. When I was ten, my mom died. I kept myself and Alain, my younger brother, alive. We were lucky if we had something over our heads at night. We found food in dumpsters and begged on street corners. I kept us out of child protective services. I've seen and done more than most people who go to war. I forced myself not to feel. Now, when I want to feel, it takes a little more to get me there."
"I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or—"
"Don't."
She stared at him, shaking her head. "This is why you're so dominating?"
He shrugged. "Call it what you want."
Her head pounded. She had no experience or exposure to the life he'd led and it was beyond her imagination why he was numb and needed pain like someone else would need a hug or cuddles.
"I never read anything about you having a brother." She needed to change the subject.
"You've been digging around, huh?" He pulled a strand of her hair. "You think you know me, but I have a lot of secrets." He inhaled through his nose and continued. "So, you've heard how I took the money I made off the street and invested it, doubling my money. The next month, I doubled that. I've grown into a company that can invest millions of dollars."
"What about your brother? Where is he?" she whispered, afraid of his answer.
"Alian? He's around." He shrugged. "He keeps a low profile, content to live life the way he wants, which is surviving on nothing. He steals when he wants something and uses people for entertainment when he's bored. He was the reason I ended up at your shelter. I thought he might've gone in there."
She thought he was after the shelter, and that's why he offered her money to have sex with him. But he'd only been searching for his brother.
He wasn't the first family member to stop at the shelter and inquire about someone. People were out there searching for their lost brother, sister, mom, dad, or uncle every single day. Anyone could be homeless. Regardless of their position in life, circumstances could change without notice. Hardships could strike and make it impossible to rebound.
"I don't know what to think," she muttered. "I thought I knew you."
The corner of his mouth twitched as he fought a grin. "Forget about what you've read about me. Forget about me as a businessman. Forget about where I came from because for you, with you, I'm different."
"You've lost me again," she said.
