‘Because after Cheska and I split up today, I needed to speak to you.’
Oh. She’d forgotten he’d said that earlier and she hadn’t even asked him about it.
‘Noah, I’m so sorry. I breezed right over that earlier with everything that was going on. I’m a crap friend. Are you devastated? Why did she end it?’
‘Technically, she didn’t. It was my choice.’
‘But why? You were great together.’
He sighed. He must be regretting it already.
Her brain pinged. Wait a minute. The girls said something in the car about a rumour Cheska was leaving? She hadn’t paid much attention because she had her mind on other things and anyway, she figured if it were true, Noah would have mentioned it.
‘Because she got offered a job in Seattle and she asked me to go with her, but I couldn’t. I said no.’
Wham. Tress was fairly sure that some invisible force had just kicked her right in the throat.
‘Why would you say no?’
‘Because… because…’
Oh damn, he could barely get the words out. They were doing this now, whether she wanted to or not. She decided to jump right in and do it for him.
‘…Because you and Anya are going to try again?’
His head jerked back. ‘What? Ouch. What? No! Oh damn, that hurt. No! Why would you think that?’
‘Because events of the last year have made me prone to short bouts of acute pessimism and fear and that’s the worst thing I could imagine happening right now?’
Tress immediately kicked herself for saying that. She shouldn’t be putting her needs on to him. They’d made a pact to support each other no matter what and…
He was speaking again. ‘Tress, I’m not getting back with Anya. I said no to going to America with Cheska because I can’t leave you and Buddy.’
Something deep inside her kicked up an instant reaction. ‘You can.’
‘What?’
‘I said you can,’ she said forcefully. Nope, she wasn’t having this. No way. A tsunami of irritation and annoyance made her teeth clench, so it took real effort to get the words out. ‘Noah, you are not going to give up your chance of love and happiness because of me. I’m not having it. We both know how life can change in a heartbeat, and what it costs to lose the person you love, and I won’t let you go through it again. I couldn’t live with myself. So pack your fricking bags…’ She was shaking inside, and she knew that grief, and sadness, and utter devastation were going to make her throat close in about two seconds, so she practically yelled the rest. ‘And go to Seattle because we’ll be fine without you.’
‘No!’
‘Yes!’
‘Oh fuck it.’ He took a deep breath, blew it back out again. ‘Tress, I’m not staying because I think you can’t survive without me. This isn’t some messed-up martyr thing. I’m staying because I love you.’
Oh God, he was killing her here. ‘I know,’ she croaked. They’d proved how much they loved each other a thousand times over the years. He was the best friend she’d ever had. ‘And I love you too. But I can’t let you lose out on real love, on big love…’
‘Tress, my big love is you!’
She jumped with shock at the force in his voice.
‘You are my big love. That’s what I was coming to tell you tonight. I love you. I’min lovewith you. You are everything and I don’t want to live a single day without you. I want us. The whole thing. And I’m absolutely bricking it telling you all this because if it costs us our friendship, I don’t know what I’m going to do. But I have to tell you because…’
‘Kiss me.’
He flinched and then immediately winced again. ‘Ouch, fuck. What?’
She had no idea what she was saying, but the words were coming out of her mouth and she was going with them. ‘I said kiss me. Because every time Rex Marino kissed me it felt sexy and good…’ His facial reaction to that told her it would be a really smart idea to get to the point here. ‘But it felt awkward. And I kept telling myself that it was because I wasn’t ready, but now, I think it might be because…’ She was going to say it. She was. Somewhere on the periphery of her mind, she already knew it, had done for a while now, but she’d been too scared of losing him to grab it and go with it. But now… ‘I think it’s because I’m in love with you too. So kiss me.’
