The trio of Noah, Max and Anya that had existed since university had naturally expanded when Max had met Tress and the four of them had been a collective for the next six years until the accident. They had spent almost every weekend together. Went on holiday two or three times a year as a group. Had dinner a couple of times a week. They were a family, just doing life together. After the accident, Noah and Tress had questioned whether any of that was real, or whether their foursome was just a convenient way for Max and Anya to meet. The crazy thing was, they both agreed that it wasn’t. Sex between Max and Anya had been an extra perk for the two of them. They were bothstrong-minded, determined, and they never let anything stand in the way of what they desired from life, so if they’d wanted to leave their partners, they would have done it. He and Tress both believed that their partners had loved them – they just loved the excitement of the affair on the side too.
‘About as well as expected,’ Anya answered his question. ‘She wasn’t up for a long chat, but she was civil. I had the chance to apologise to her, and that was one of the reasons I’m here, so I’m grateful I had the opportunity to do that, and I just hope it was received in the way I meant it. Truly.’
It didn’t surprise him that Tress hadn’t engaged to any extent, or got into any kind of heated situation. Like him, Tress didn’t do drama or lash out with her emotions. It wasn’t her style. He’d seen her sink to the depths of sadness immediately after the accident and yet she’d still held it together, just put one foot in front of the other until she’d found a way back to a better place. It actually irritated him that Anya may have upset her yet again, today of all days. He decided to drop in on her later and make sure she was okay.
‘I can’t speak for her, but I do know that she has somehow managed to move on with her life and leave the pain of it all in the past most of the time.’
‘Yeah, I get that. She also pretty much told me that if I mess with you, she’ll hunt me down.’
He was taking a sip of his coffee, but that still made the edges of his mouth turn up. This still felt so strange, though. For two decades, Anya had been the closest person in his life. He’d told her everything. Had her back just as she’d had his. And now they were strangers, making what felt like small talk.
‘How about Nancy and Val? Do they still have me on the Neighbourhood Watch hit list too? I think they must have, because just as I was driving away in the taxi, I saw them pullup at the house. I ducked down so they wouldn’t see me. Self-preservation.’
He knew it was probably for the best that she hadn’t encountered them. He couldn’t confirm or deny that they’d floated the idea of banning Anya from within a hundred yards of their street. He might have found a way perhaps not to forgive, but at least to live with what Anya had done, and still treat her with basic human respect. Tress might have found the strength to honour the role that Max had played in her life and to keep his memory alive for Buddy. But Nancy and Val? Forgiveness wasn’t an option. Not ever.
‘I think rumours of a hit list are unfounded, but I wouldn’t go inviting them for a cosy dinner any time soon. I think you’d be eating on your own.’
Anya nodded thoughtfully. ‘I deserve that.’
He didn’t disagree.
‘And Cheska? Are you two together then?’
Ouch. ‘It’s complicated. I guess the answer to that is no.’ Shit, he was saying that aloud for the first time and he didn’t like the way it sounded, so he left it there.
He let the silence sit for a moment, before he decided he’d had enough. So far, it had been very one-sided, with her asking all the questions, but that was because he was waiting for her to get to the point. He had no interest in finding out how she was, what she’d been doing, where she’d been since she left. He only cared about two things: what was she doing here and what did she need to say? Time to rip the Band-Aid off. Between Cheska and now Anya, he’d had enough of the stuff that pierced the heart today. He just wanted to be out of here.
Carlo steered past with a top-up for his coffee, but Anya declined another wine. She’d barely touched the one in front of her.
‘Anya, why are you here? What do you want from me?’
‘Straight to the point. Okay. I need… I just need closure. After I went back home, I got into therapy, started doing the work to find a way to get past what happened, and to get to the root of why I behaved the way I did.’
‘That’s good. You had a major trauma. Therapy helps.’
The way this day was going, he didn’t rule out booking a few sessions for himself. The need to rant and vent and expel the exasperation of the last few hours was getting more urgent by the minute.
‘It did. It took me a while to be able to look in the mirror again. Not because of the scars, but because I didn’t want to see the woman who’d done those things, who’d caused the carnage to all our lives.’
He understood that. He wouldn’t have been able to live with himself either. But then, he wouldn’t have been able to lie and cheat in the first place. It was the fundamental difference between them.
He listened as she went on, talking about her therapist, her journey, her realisation that she’d sabotaged her life because she was scared to commit to having a family, and that now she knew what she wanted, she had figured out her issues and got her life back together. He wasn’t sure a many years long affair with his best mate could be brushed off as just a bit of self-sabotage, but he let it go. He just wanted to get to the point and get this over as soon as possible.
‘And where am I in this? Do you need me to tell you that you’re forgiven? That we can close that chapter? Because if that’s what you need to hear, I can do that.’
It wouldn’t be strictly true, but she didn’t deserve to pay for her mistakes for the rest of her life. He was happy to release some of that guilt for her.
She shook her head, tears falling down her face now. ‘That’s not it. I guess… I guess I came here because I wanted to tellyou that I love you. Despite what I did, that hasn’t changed. I have always loved you since the moment we met, and the last few months, the time away from you, has convinced me, that I don’t ever want to love anyone else.’ Noah heard a sob catch in her throat, before she spoke again. ‘So what I want to ask you is if you can find a way to separate the mistakes I made from the person that you know I am, from the woman you were married to? And if you could do that, is there any way that you would consider giving us another chance?’
20
KELI
Keli had to wait as the barman brought a fresh tea, and this time a coffee for Laurie, before they could address the question she’d just asked.
‘I suppose the good thing is that we know now. The question is, what are we going to do about it?’
‘Right now, I want to go slash his tyres, but I realise that’s not helpful,’ Laurie conceded. ‘I just don’t get it. How can someone do this to the person they’re supposed to love?’
