‘I know!’ Sniff. ‘I’m sorry.’ Sniff. ‘It’s just that… Argh, I want all that for you. I really do. You deserve everything. And the fact that you’re still open to starting over and taking risks with your heart just blows me away. In case I haven’t told you lately, Gwen Millen, you’re fricking spectacular and I love you.’
Gwen reached over and squeezed her hand. ‘I love you right back, hon.’
‘I promise we’re not always like this,’ Rhonda said to the others while wiping tears away. ‘We’re usually fairly emotionally repressed and prone to covering up feelings with superficial chat and wine.’
As always, Rhonda’s way with words lifted the mood again.
Cosmetic applications resumed and Ailish took a large sip of her cocktail, before realising that Gwen had more on her mind.
‘Right then, Ailish Ryan, it’s your turn. Resolutions?’
Ailish thought about it. ‘If you’d asked me ten minutes ago, I’d have said I had none, but now I don’t know. I think I’ve been in a bit of a hole since Eric… well, you know what he did. And to be honest, I’ve been happy there in my bubble of nothingness. Hurts less. But maybe it’s time to start thinking about finding something that makes me happy too.’
‘Or someone?’ Rhonda asked.
Kaz took that moment to apply lip liner and then lipstick, so Ailish had time to formulate an answer. It just wasn’t a great one.
‘Maybe. I don’t know. Perhaps. Or maybe not.’
‘Good to know you’re decisive there,’ Rhonda chuckled. ‘But while we’re getting all deep and meaningful here for once, tell me something. What about Eric? If he ever came knocking on your door again, how would you feel? Would you consider taking him back?’
‘Oooh, good question, Rhonda,’ Gwen took over. ‘I’ve wondered that too.’ She turned back to Ailish. ‘Don’t hate me, but I’ve always thought that maybe you’ve been shut down for the last couple of years because… like I said, don’t hate me… But maybe a part of you is still in love with him? I mean, you had a lifetime together and right up until he had a midlife crisis and screwed everything up, you were always so fricking happy – it would be totally understandable.’
Ailish felt all the muscles in her stomach tighten and her palms begin to sweat. The truth was, it hurt to even think about being with him again, because then she had to remember how great so much of their lives had been. Somehow, it was so much easier to demonise him as the Adulterous Arse, andthat was true, but for almost thirty years before that he’d been a different Eric altogether. One who loved her. Who made her laugh. Who she couldn’t ever imagine being without, because they made each other so incredibly happy. And it wasn’t just the big moments, like the day he asked her to marry him. Although, that was, without doubt, one of the happiest moments of her life.
Of course, it had been at Gino’s. And it was just before midnight. Rhonda was with the man who would be husband number one, Gwen was with a guy who looked like the lead singer from A Flock Of Seagulls. Minnie and Henry were there as always, but so were her own parents, Duncan and Vi. Eric had invited them along, but she had no idea it was because he’d already asked her dad’s permission to propose. It would have been easy to do the big public thing of asking her in front of everyone, but that thoughtful, considerate Eric, the one she was madly in love with, had known she would hate being the centre of attention. So just before midnight, he’d taken her hand and, as the party went on around them, he’d led her into a little alcove at the side of the main dining area, where Gino kept the restaurant’s dessert trolley.
‘Ails,’ he’d said, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. ‘I know you said you won’t get married until you’re thirty…’ She’d vaguely remembered saying that in a moment of acting cool and independent one day, but she hadn’t actually meant it. ‘But I love you more than anything and I don’t want to wait that long to call you my wife. I mean, I will, if you insist. But I’d really much rather marry you now – today, tomorrow, whenever you’ll have me. So will you please?—’
‘Yes,’ she’d blurted. ‘Yes, yes, yes!’
That’s when he’d realised he hadn’t even had a chance to get the ring out, and he’d fumbled for it in his pocket. But the jewellery wasn’t important. Their love was. Their family.
That happiness came around again the night Emmy was born and the three of them had lain on her hospital bed for hours, while Eric told his new daughter all the wonderful things they’d do in their lives together.
But Ailish had adored him for who he was in all the small moments of their day to day existence too. The way he’d tug her down on to the couch after she’d had a bad day and he’d stroke her hair while he listened to her. Or the way he’d ooze enthusiasm for weekends and holidays, and he’d persuade her to walk along the beach with him at sunset, while he told her how much he loved her. He’d buy her flowers for no reason at all, other than to make her smile. He wasn’t perfect, but he was honest and kind, and he adored his family. It was almost impossible to reconcile that man with the person who’d cheated on her, because it was so incomprehensibly out of character that she still found herself wondering how it could possibly be true. Sure, he was an adrenaline junkie who thrived on new and exciting things, but he’d always taken her and Emmy along for the ride. Until the last time. That was an adventure that he’d gone on with someone new.
That thought snapped her back to the present, her mind replaying Rhonda’s question. How would she feel if he came knocking on her door now? Well, he’d done that earlier today, but she was 100 per cent sure it wasn’t because he wanted some windswept reunion. Probably realised she’d got his Elton John CD collection in the split and wanted it back.
No, reconciling with Eric was the last thing she wanted to think about. The very last. And yet… Gwen wasn’t wrong. She had loved Eric with everything she had, been so sure that they would grow old together, that he was the one person she could trust with her heart. It wasn’t him being with someone else that hurt the most, or the fact that it was with a thirty-something who had yet to discover the joys of middle-age spread and hotflushes. It was that he’d made her wonder if she’d ever truly known him, and taken away the future they’d planned together. If you couldn’t trust your best friend, the person who’d promised you the world for thirty years, then who could you trust? How could you live with that person again? But then, clearly she was doing a terrible job of living without him too.
Before she could answer, Rhonda had a light-bulb moment. ‘Actually, I’ve just realised something. Today must be the anniversary of the day you got engaged, as well as the anniversary of…’ She stopped, diplomatic enough not to mention it. ‘Oh shit, Ails, I’m sorry.’
It was the other kicker in their story. They’d got engaged on the 31stof December. Over thirty years later, she’d found out he was cheating at a party that began on the 31stof December. And today, her divorce had become official. On the 31stof December. There was some kind of deep, twisted poetry to that.
Gwen’s forehead creased with concern. ‘Wow, so it is. What’s the chances of your divorce dropping today too? I bet you just wanted to stay in bed this morning.’
Ailish gave a half-hearted smile, then shook it off. ‘I did, but not now. I’m so glad we did this and I wouldn’t swap it for anything. Although, strictly speaking, I found out he was cheating in the early hours of the first of January, so, technically, you can strike that one off the anniversary list.’
She could see both Rhonda and Gwen’s shoulders relax a little when she said that. And, in front of her, Kaz stood back, scrutinised Ailish’s face, then broke into the sweetest grin.
‘My work here is done,’ she announced. ‘You’re now 100 per cent babe.’
It was the very best interruption at the very best time. Ailish just wished she could turn around to view her newly proclaimed, and undoubtedly wildly exaggerated ‘babe-ness’, but Roxy wasstill at work with the curling thingy. Instead, she thanked Kaz profusely and made a mental note to give her a whopper of a tip.
‘I’ll be another five minutes or so,’ Roxy promised. ‘Nearly done.’
Gwen and Rhonda were already completely finished, both still just relaxing with their drinks next to her. Ailish hoped the interruption to the conversation would have jumped them on to a different subject, but apparently not.
