She had no idea how long she sat there, staring straight ahead, thinking she’d rather be someone – anyone – else right now. Except maybe the bloke along the bar who was still glowering into his bourbon and very definitely tilting to the left, at an angle that suggested he’d be on the floor any second now.
‘Hey gorgeous, do you come here often?’ Thankfully it was a woman’s voice, full of warmth and coming from the person who’d just climbed onto the stool that Aiden had vacated. ‘Wait till I tell you… I fell asleep and when I woke up Dad was watchingRocky. I don’t know what’s happened to him. Anyway, I went back into the other room to check on Mum and holy fuck, guess who’s there?’ Millie gave her best dramatic pause.
‘Aiden’s mum,’ Zara mumbled.
‘Aiden’s… Oh. You knew. They were in deep convo so I removed all sharp objects from the room and left. Mum said you were down here though. Why are you sitting drinking alone? That’s my special talent.’
‘Aiden was just here. He asked me if he could kiss me.’ Zara felt like she was recounting what happened in a slow, robotic voice, brought to her by the powers of shock and a tickly attraction to a man who wasn’t her boyfriend.
‘Wait, what? Aw, bollocks. I was going to use him for no-strings sex. So what happened after you snogged the face off him?’
‘I didn’t. I said no. He left.’
‘Great,’ Millie announced. ‘I mean, insane. But great for me. Did he happen to mention his standpoint on casual sex?’
27
BRENDA
They’d been talking for hours, and yet it still seemed that there was more to say. When Eileen had asked her if she would go back and change their lives, Brenda had thought about telling her the truth, about Colin, about their marriage, about her desperation to start a new life without him, but she hadn’t. It just didn’t feel right. It felt disloyal. Indiscreet. Like she was breaching a trust within the sanctity of their family. So instead, she’d avoided talking about their future and concentrated on the best bits about the past. That felt like a safer place to be, because she still didn’t know how she felt about her old friend. It was difficult to unravel thirty years of resentment in the space of one day, even when there was a genuine apology from the other side, lots of wine and a bizarre feeling of comfort and familiarity with Eileen, so in the meantime, Brenda had been happy to settle for chatting about families and jobs and catching up on what they’d missed.
‘What do you think our younger selves would say if they could see us now?’ Eileen had asked. She’d kicked off her shoes and Brenda noticed the perfectly pedicured toes. No way she was taking her slippers off and showing the cracked heels that came with being on her feet on the ward all day.
‘I think they’d say, “Bloody hell, Brenda, you’ve put on a few pounds and you look knackered.”’
‘That’s not true! You look great,’ Eileen had objected.
Brenda had decided she was just being kind. The physical difference between the two of them was stark, but then it always had been. Eileen had been the tall, willowy blonde, and Brenda had been the petite one with the crazy curls and the admittedly killer curves. It was just that those curves had got decidedly curvier over the years while Eileen’s face seemed to be aging in reverse.
‘If I could see myself, I’d probably say, “lay off the Botox and you’re not kidding anyone with those hair extensions, doll,”’ Eileen had declared.
‘I did wonder…’ Brenda had admitted.
Eileen had sighed. ‘I’d love to say I do it all for me, but I’d be lying. I know it’s shallow, but you’ve no idea, Brenda. The dating scene out there is a self-esteem-crushing nightmare. The men our age are all looking for women twenty years younger, so the pressure to look good is relentless. I’m exhausted with it all. What I wouldn’t do for a reliable, decent, good-hearted man who didn’t give a toss what direction my boobs were pointing in.’
The irony hadn’t been lost on Brenda. Eileen’s ideal life sounded like the one she herself had with Colin, whereas all Brenda wanted was the freedom to live like Eileen. The grass on the other side was neon emerald green.
Brenda had been pondering that when the door opened and Millie had walked in, stopping in her tracks when she saw their guest. ‘Mum, am I hallucinating? Only it looks like Dad’s old girlfriend, you know, the one that got caught shagging his pal, who, incidentally, was also your boyfriend – it’s hard to keep up – is sitting in a bucket chair in our room.’
Brenda had turned to Eileen, with only a mildly apologetic shrug, for once secretly enjoying her daughter’s fearlessness, loyalty and utter lack of tact.
‘Eileen, I’d like you to properly meet our youngest, Millie. She was born completely devoid of any filter, but we’ve kept her anyway because she’s endlessly amusing and, frankly, no one else would take her off our hands.’
Eileen obviously hadn’t taken offence. ‘Pleased to meet you again, Millie. And I’m sorry about all the chaos that I’ve caused. Can’t be easy throwing two exes and a shitload of secrets into an anniversary trip.’
‘At least you understand my pain,’ Millie had said dryly, not quite letting her off the hook. She’d turned her attention back to Brenda. ‘Are you okay, Mum? If this is a hostage situation and she has a weapon, blink twice and I’ll get help.’
‘I’m fine, thanks, love. But can you give us a little while longer to chat? Zara is down in the bar with Eileen’s son if you want to go find them. They went there a while ago and she’s not come back yet.’
‘Okay, if you insist. I’ll force myself to go to a bar and drink cocktails and it’ll be terrible. What kind of mother are you?’
Brenda couldn’t help but chuckle. This young woman made her heart sore with her antics, but there was no one who made her laugh like Millie did, or who inspired her more to make the most of her life.
‘Talking of which…’ Brenda had watched as Millie came over and checked the wine bottle in the ice bucket. Empty. She’d scanned the minibar and saw that it was running low on vino too.
‘I’ll send you up some more wine, Mum. Mrs Gregg, it was a pleasure meeting you,’ she’d said as she made for the door. ‘But try not to sleep with the room service waiter when he gets here.’
Eileen had dissolved into laughter as soon as the door closed. ‘I know I should be offended, but bloody hell, I love her. She reminds me of your mum. I adored Ada but was also fairly terrified of her because she said what was on her mind no matter what it was.’
