“Don’t waste your energy on trying to process it all, Astra. The energy shifts too frequently. You need to find you in the noise and hold onto it.”
Astra ignored him, the seeping colors running down her back and leaving burns as she shook her leg against the booth.
“Where’s your favorite place?”
“Hmm?” Astra squeezed her eyes shut, hanging her head over the table.
“As.” The commander gripped her wrist, freezing her fingers as they tapped the nervous energy into the wood. “When you lived in Celene, where did you go to relax?”
She stilled her knee. Celene’s hot springs steamed to life in her mind. Crystal blue waters bubbled under stars, sliding over the rocks into endless pools below. She let the smoky steam fill her lungs and the salty brine cling to her lips. Serene emeralds and lavenders swirled around her shoulders, forcing them to relax.
The nausea subsided. She could open her eyes without feeling the need to avert her gaze from the colors hovering over the heads of the patrons. She could see them without absorbing them; acknowledge them without inhaling.
Her lungs unfurled.
“Better?” Luxuros pulled his hand away, leaving five hot fingerprints branded around her wrist. She nodded, picking up her spoon and eating a few cautious bites. She let the stew warm her, making an effort to breathe slowly through her nose with each new wave of drinkers. Halfway through her bowl, she felt brave enough to wash it down with some moonshine, numbing her chest even more.
Luxuros felt her eyes on him before he met her gaze.
“Go ahead,” he muttered. “Ask me.”
“What did Daria say?”
“It’s not worth repeating,” he sighed, his amber eyes flickering between her curious face and the moonshine remaining in his stein.
“If it was worth getting socked in the nose?—”
“It was her elbow.”
Astra grimaced. “Even worse. If it’s worth that, it must be worth repeating.”
Luxuros breathed in deeply, finishing the moonshine in his cup before he spoke, weighing his words carefully.
“Daria implied that allowing you to marry Mirquios would be too much of a risk to the mission. She believes that in your heart you are your mother’s daughter, and you’ll always choose the crown. She seemed to think that your family has a history of putting the throne before even each other.”
Ivonne’s words from earlier struck Astra again. They twisted even deeper into her spine now.
“She told me it was my duty to the Nova Rebellion to put an end to your engagement.”
Astra flinched, the pain striking her just below her ribs. “Well? You’ve said as much, haven’t you?”
The commander frowned. “Anything I’ve said to you was expressly to motivate you, Astra. You’re capable of stunning amounts of power, and you’ve been kept in the dark your entire life. It was obvious from the moment we met. I do worry about your discipline, but it’s not because I think you’re a hopeless danger. I think you’re just a little hard work away from great potential. If I didn’t believe in you, we would have picked Lunelle when your mother—when…” Luxuros scratched at the back of his neck.
“What?” Astra set her spoon down.
He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean?—”
“Yes. You did. When my mother what, Commander?”
“I misspoke. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“And yet you did, so please, enlighten me, Luxuros.” She swallowed, her head swirling again, the careful grip she’d held through dinner vanishing.
“Oestera is not always the villain you believe her to be. I meant what I said to Daria yesterday. She knows the danger lurking in every court, gods, even her own! Mirquios can offer you the safety you need, but that wasn’t the only reason we agreed to come here, okay? We need you, too. The cause needs you, Astra. When your mother invited us to come, there was zero hesitation on our part because we knew what an addition you would be to our court. We never dreamed that you’d Tether… that was… it was a happy accident, of course. And a sign we made the right choice.”
Heat rose to Astra’s cheeks. “So all of this, this whole time, it was just a plot with Oestera to get me on your side? Was Mars even a factor, or was that yet another manipulation?”
Luxuros held up his hands, begging for her mind to slow down. “It was all your choice, As. Oestera didn’t want to force you. No one was trying to trick you, but she knew you’d resist Mirquios if you thought she had anything to do with him, so yes. Yes. She pushed you toward Mars to curb your interest, but I swear to you, if you didn’t show any sign of genuine intrigue, we’d have left well enough alone.”
