I wasn’t intimately familiar with how to hold a baby, butshe seemed pretty self sufficient. She could sit upright, so I knew I didn’t need to support her neck. I moved her until her cheek rested against my shoulder. I copied Stella’s shushing, as that seemed to comfort her. I gently bounced her from side to side as I shushed her quietly.
After a minute, her screaming subsided and her breathing turned to shuddering pants. Her tears had soaked through my thin tee shirt, but I didn’t dare move a muscle to stop my ministrations. Keeping up the shushing and bouncing motions, I continued until her breathing evened out.
I bent my head down to see that her eyes were closed, long lashes brushing across her chubby cheeks. Relief washed over me as I looked up at Stella. The tears that had been threatening to fall were tracking down her cheeks in gentle rivers.
I tensed and prepared to hand Charlie back, but she stopped me with a raise of her slender fingers in a ‘don’t’ motion and pulled out my chair so I could sit down. I carefully settled into the chair, positioning Charlie on my lap so her cheek rested on my chest and her body nestled in the crook of my arm. She curled into me and let out a contented sigh.
I’d never been a big kid person. I wasn’t around them often enough to feel comfortable saying I wanted ones of my own right now. It had always just been Wade and me - no other siblings. Ma used to tell us we gave her enough grief for a basketball team’s worth of kids. She would then regale everyone else with stories that she had gotten it perfect in one fell swoop and never felt the need to go for another round.
I’m sure she would have loved seeing me now - sitting at a coffee shop table with a beautiful woman, a sleeping baby in my arms, and a lot of townies wondering what in the hell justhappened. Ma loved a little bit of drama to keep the day interesting.
Stella took the seat across from me and heaved a lung clearing sigh. I was afraid to speak, for fear that I’d wake Charlie up. She watched me with rapt attention. I assumed she could sense my discomfort.
“You can talk. She won’t wake up.” She said, adverting her eyes down to the table again. I shifted Charlie on my lap further into the crook of my arm, a protectiveness washing over me. Despite her small size, she was remarkably heavy. I could feel Stella’s eyes on me and I looked up to a small smile and her fighting back a chuckle.
“What?” I whispered, still slightly terrified I was going to wake the little girl up.
“You look so uncomfortable.” She said behind her hand as she continued to fight the laugh. “I’m going to assume that you’re not around babies much.” She added.
“You’d assume correct.”
Charlie shifted in my lap, and I looked up at Stella with panicked eyes. I had gotten her to sleep, but I wasn’t sure what to do with her now. Stella let loose the laugh she’d been holding back, and I marginally relaxed. Her laugh was a shot of electricity to my soul. I wanted to hear it over and over again.
“I can take her back.” She said while extending her hands to shift Charlie onto her lap. I shook my head from side to side and tucked her into my hold tighter. Stella stiffened, and I realized I had made her uncomfortable. I back peddled, attempting to soothe her anxiety.
“She’s comfy. I’m pretty squishy under all this glorious muscle.” I teased with an exaggerated eyebrow waggle, trying to lighten the mood.
Stella’s cheeks pinked, and she looked back down at her hands.
So, I wasn’t the only one affected here. Good to know.
“Sorry, I’m not used to having help. It’s taking a lot of restraint to not hole up inside the inn and just stay in our little bubble. It’s almost always been just Charlie and I.”
I watched as she chewed on the cuticles around her nails - a nervous habit - one I was familiar with as I sometimes did it.
“Well, it looks like we’re going to be here a while.” I joked, blowing one of Charlie’s wayward curls aside as it attempted to shove its way up my nostril. “Wanna tell me what brought you to Firefly Cove?”
FIVE
stella
The tightness in my chest,which had been easing for the past couple of days of driving, returned. How much of my past was I willing to share with this stranger in the middle of a coffee shop?
Was I going to tell the truth about what happened or create a false narrative to protect myself and my daughter? Max seemed trustworthy enough. But could I just dump all the bullshit we had been dealing with in his lap and expect him not to run or turn me into the authorities?
Taking a fortifying breath, I opted for a semi-watered-down version of the truth. I picked at my cuticles and opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I promptly closed my gaping mouth and placed my hands in my lap.
I must have looked ridiculous, a deer in the headlights, struggling to articulate my thoughts; my throat felt tight, my tongue thick and clumsy. The unspoken words hung heavy in the air. I didn’t know if I could do this.
“Uhm…” I started.
Sensing my rising anxiety, Max’s hand left Charlie’s back,his touch reassuring as it settled on my arm, a silent gesture of support. The gentle touch on my arm, a silent act of comfort, gave me the courage I needed to confide in him.
“Where do I start?” With a sigh, I leaned back in my chair, the wood creaking slightly beneath me, and crossed my arms firmly over my chest.
“Charlie and I have always been a team. It’s always been us against the world.” I was stalling, and I knew it. I knew it would hurt to go back to that dark place, but I needed to just rip this off, like a bandaid.
“My ex-boyfriend, Charlie’s father, isn’t a good man.” I tensed just mentioning Dean. The memory felt like a faded photograph, its colors muted with the passage of time and lost innocence. He had manipulated me into a version of myself I no longer knew. He became the only constant in my life, forcing me to rely on him alone.
