This was ridiculous. What sickness could they see from my urine? I closed the bathroom door and quickly peed into the cup. The sooner this nonsense was over with, the sooner I could be back by James' side. I walked out of the bathroom and handed her the cup.
"I'll be right back," she said and left the room.
I went back into the bathroom and washed my hands again. It still felt like I was covered in blood. I closed my eyes and took adeep breath.Be strong.I scrubbed my hands and arms until my skin was red again. I wiped away the tears that had formed in my eyes.Be strong.James needed me. I wasn't going to be sick. I wasn't going to do anything but be by his side until he woke up. Not if.When.I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom.
"Well, you don't have an infection."
"Thank God. Can I go see him again?"
"I think maybe you should take a seat."
I shook my head. I wasn't sick. She couldn't make me stay in here. No, she didn't say I wasn't sick. She said I didn't have an infection. Normally my mind would be racing from possibilities. But I was tired. And upset. And completely focused on James. Nothing she said was going to sway that. Whatever horrible thing she was about to tell me, it wouldn't change that. And I knew it was horrible. She was looking at me like she pitied me. I didn't need her pity. I needed to see my husband. "Please let me go see him. Whatever this is, it can wait." I started to walk past her.
"It can't wait. I'm sorry, but it can't."
I folded my arms across my chest. "What's wrong with me?"
She gave me a small smile. "Nothing's wrong with you. Penny, you're pregnant."
Suddenly my throat felt dry. I tried to clear it. "What?"
The doctor smiled again, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "You were experiencing morning sickness. And your fluctuating hormones were probably the cause of you feeling more emotional than usual."
No. This can't be happening.
"If you'd like, I can send a nurse in to do an ultrasound to tell you how far along you are. But based on the morning sickness, you're at least a few weeks."
"I'm not pregnant. Can you do the test again?"
"Your blood test and urine test both confirm it."
I can't be pregnant. Not now. How did this happen?
"I can send in a counselor if you'd like. I know this isn't exactly the ideal time for this news when your husband is in recovery."
"No." I shook my head. "I just need to go see him."
"Okay." She nodded. "Just tell me if you need someone to talk to. You can go see him now."
My feet didn't move. Now I understood the pity in her eyes. She pitied me because I was pregnant and my husband was dying.She knows he's dying."Is James going to be okay?" I didn't have the courage to ask anyone that yet. But I needed to know.
"It's up to him to wake up now. We've done everything we can."
"What's the likelihood of that happening?"
The doctor pressed her lips together. "In his state, 50/50."
A fifty percent chance?I swallowed hard. "Thank you." That was finally something I understood. There was a 50 percent chance my husband would wake up. There was a 50 percent chance that my baby would meet his or her father.Fifty/Fifty."Thank you," I said again.
She may have said something else, but I didn't hear her. I walked as quickly as I could back to James' room. I needed him. And now this baby needed him.His baby.I couldn't live without him. I couldn't raise a child without him. The thought made me feel nauseous again. James didn't want this baby. He didn't want to be a father yet.How did this happen?
"Are you okay?" Rob said as I walked back into the room.
"I'm okay," I said, and didn't look him in the eye. I sat back down next to James and grabbed his hand.Wake up. You have to wake up!
"I know you're lying."
I looked up at Rob.
