I played the message for the hundredth time. My intense hangover had made me sleep till well past two o'clock. And I had woken up to this message. James' voice was soothing even though his words weren't. He missed me? He didn't fucking miss me. It seemed like he was plenty entertained.
I had called the number back, but I couldn't get through to James. The person on the other end asked for a password. When I didn't know what to say, they immediately hung up on me. I had tried to call back a few more times, but no one had even answered my call. They must have blacklisted my number or something.
There wasn't much information about the Blue Parrot Resort on Google. It was clearly some super private hotel if they required a password to even talk to the concierge. And it was probably as sleazy as it was secretive. I sighed and pressed the replay button. It was so good to hear his voice. The recording beeped, signaling the end of the message.
I knew Isabella was just trying to get in my head. Guys did crazy stuff during their bachelor parties. That was just a fact. And I had touched some random man's six pack last night. If there wasa picture of me doing that, it would look bad. The pictures that Isabella had sent me were probably out of context.
I shook my head. What horrible context would have made James hook up with some random whore? The only thing that made sense was that he was being threatened at gun point. The Blue Parrot Resort seemed secretive, but it didn't seem mobstery.
This wasn't what was supposed to be happening before our wedding. We weren't in the movie The Hangover. This kind of stuff didn't happen in real life. I leaned back and folded my arms across my face. I wasn't sure I could go through with the wedding in just a few days, but I still wanted to. I really, really wanted to. If I closed my eyes and pictured him smiling at me, I felt like I could forgive anything. But I couldn't live with him sneaking around. Maybe at first I could, but it would eat away at me. It would slowly kill me. If the man I loved didn't love me back, the best thing I could do was let him go. I wanted him to be happy. I cared about him so much.
But it didn't matter how rational it was. I'd never be able to let him go. I needed him. Even if he cheated on me? Even if he'd do it again?God.I sat up and rubbed the tears away before they could start to fall again. James was my rock. He was always there for me. I had let him become my whole world. I needed to let this go. It was just a bachelor party. He had one last hookup as a single man. That was it. The thought of him hanging out with Rachel and kissing Isabella popped back up in my head. I pinched the skin above my nose.Stop.None of this was helping.
I put the rest of the pictures into the shoebox full of love notes to Isabella and slid it under the bed. James would be back soon. I didn't want to fight with him. And I certainly didn't want to confront him about cheating on me. I couldn't have that conversation. He had to bring it up. He had to confess what hehad done to me. I didn't have the strength to do it. Maybe he was going to come home and break up with me immediately. If that's really what he wanted, would I be able to let him go? Would I even have a choice?
The past few weeks I had been so stressed out. I had lost my perspective. There wasn't anything to be upset about, though. I was lucky. I was madly in love, I had been given a great job, a beautiful new home, and I was getting married. Those were great things. And I was too blind to realize it. Now that I wasn't going to have those things, I realized what they truly meant. But I didn't care about the job or the house or the money. All I cared about was losing him. I felt empty just thinking about it.
I wanted to delay our conversation. I couldn't do it tonight. I lay down in bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. There was never going to be a good time, but it had to be before the wedding. I couldn't walk down the aisle if I didn't know if I could trust him. I needed one more night, though. One more night of his arms around me. I shut my eyes as tight as possible, as if it would make my wish for more time a reality.
***
My eyes opened when I heard the front door close. I must have drifted to sleep waiting for James to come home. I glanced at the alarm clock. It was right before midnight. Mason had kept his word.
I closed my eyes again.One more night. Please let me have one more night with him.
His footsteps echoed across the marble in the foyer and treaded lightly on the stairs. But they paused when they reached the bedroom door. He let out a deep sigh.
I closed my eyes even tighter. I could picture him leaning against the door jam. He was probably running his hand through his hair in that sexy way he always did. I took a deep breath. There was a mixture of scotch and his amazing cologne in the air.
He entered the room and I could hear him getting undressed. Then it was silent again. He didn't get into the bed. I could feel his eyes on me. He must have just been standing there, staring at me.
I wasn't sure what I had been thinking earlier. There was no way I could ever let him go. If he was cheating on me, we could work through it. We had to. I couldn't live without him. And I couldn't let him end it with me. We were getting married on Saturday. It was too late for him to change his mind. You had to call off a wedding at least a month in advance unless you were a horrible human being. That was just a rule. And James wasn't horrible.If he cheated on you he is.I felt like I was going crazy. One day alone and I had completely lost my mind.
"Are you awake?" he asked softly.
I bit my lip. My tears had started dampening my pillow. If he thought I was asleep, we couldn't have whatever conversation we needed to have.
The bed squeaked as he slid in beside me. "I missed you, baby," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.
Was that his excuse for cheating on me? I didn't have sex with him for a few days so he slept with someone else? I thought we were stronger than that. I thought he loved me. It took everyounce of control in my body to stay completely still when it felt like my whole world was collapsing. I wanted to cry loud, ugly tears, but I didn't want him to know I was awake. If this was the last chance I'd have for him to hold me, I wasn't going to ruin it. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up and forget about this weekend.
I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself down. His arms wrapped tighter around me. It seemed like he knew I was awake. I closed my eyes even tighter. I could forgive him. I could forget about all of this. For some reason a memory popped into my head of me telling my mom that I was in love with James. Her response to me had been that maybe it would be love one day.
"I cave," James whispered so quietly that if I had been sleeping, I definitely wouldn't have heard him.
I pressed my lips together and tried to breathe slowly so that he couldn't hear me crying.
"You win," he said and placed a soft kiss against the back of my neck.
Now that he was back he suddenly wanted me again? I felt cheap. Maybe my mom was right. Even though she had said it over two years ago, maybe what we had wasn't love. Because a key part of love in my eyes was being enough for one another. It was about being faithful. I wasn't enough for James. I wasn't sure why I ever thought I could be.
Eruption - Chapter 24
Monday
When I woke up, James' arms were wrapped tightly around me. I tried to take a deep breath, but it felt like I was suffocating. I slowly unwound myself from his arms and slid off the bed. He sighed in his sleep, but didn't wake up.
I pulled on my robe and stared down at him. He was so handsome. I had never taken that for granted. Whenever I woke up before he did, I'd stare at his beautiful face. Someone else had woken up to that face this weekend. Was that why he had finally called me back Sunday morning? Did he feel guilty for what he had done?
