I can't wait to have children with you. I can't wait to start our family. You're going to be a wonderful mother. You're so loving and caring. I'm ready to try. A bunch of little yous running around would make me the happiest man in the world.
Love always,
-James
I couldn't read anymore. All the words were blurry because of my tears. He loved her. He loved her so much. These were sweet notes written to a woman he was head over heels for. He wanted to start a family with her.
And he didn't want one with me. I put the notes back in the box and closed the lid. He was ready to have children four years ago, but he wasn't ready now. It didn't seem like he ever wanted kids with me.
James meant everything to me. He was my whole world. And now it felt like my whole world was crumbling in front of me.
The pictures could be explained. He went for closure with Rachel. Isabella kissed him, not the other way around. Those could all be logically excused. But these notes? He lied to me. James had loved Isabella. He didn't have to lie to me about that. He could have said he loved her. And that she cheated on him and it broke his heart. The only reason you lied about a divorce was for one reason: if you were still in love with the person. And you wanted to convince yourself you weren't.
I wanted to grab a box of notes James had written for me, get lost in them, and forget about everything he had ever said to Isabella. But I didn't have a box of notes from James. I mostly had emails and texts. And the few handwritten notes I did haveweren't anything like this. They were telling me he had gone for a run. Or to remind me about a dinner we had to go to.
James was my first love. He was my only love. But I wasn't his. He had made it seem like I was. At least his first love like this. A great love. The kind you see in movies and read about in books. But it didn't seem like I was.
I didn't know him at all.
Eruption - Chapter 22
Saturday
I wasn't sure how long I stood there, staring out the window. The sun had set over Central Park and the lights were coming on, lighting up the walking paths. It was so beautiful that it didn't even seem real. That was the same conclusion I had come to about my relationship with James too. It was too good and too perfect to be real.
I knew he was out of my league. But I thought he loved me. I knelt down in front of the window and pressed my forehead against the glass. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of the cool glass on my forehead. There weren't any tears left inside of me. I had tried to call James a few times, but it always went straight to voicemail. It wasn't his fault, but each time he didn't pick up it just validated all my fears.
This was how Isabella wanted me to feel. She had won. It hadn't been a fair fight at all. I touched my cheek where she had slapped me. She had even warned me. I shook my head.No.Isabella had said she had two weeks to win James back. If she was sending me this stuff, I didn't even want to know what she was doing to him. I already knew she had kissed him. Maybe that wasn't the end of it.
My phone started buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out.Mason.I quickly answered it. "Mason!"
He laughed. "Hey, Penny. Having a good weekend?"
"Can I talk to him?"
Mason laughed again. "Jumping right into things, then? So, about that...you need to stop calling. You're distracting him from having fun."
"I'm sure he's having quite enough fun."
My comment was greeted by silence.
"Where are you guys?"
"Costa Rica."
What the hell were they doing in Costa Rica? "What hotel?"
"Nice try, Penny. I'm not telling you where we are. You're not allowed to infiltrate his bachelor party."
"Mason, I really, really need to talk to him."
"Umm...I would hand the phone over, but he's currently indisposed."
"Indisposed? What have you been doing?"
He laughed. "I'm just kidding. He's taking a shower."
I breathed a sigh of relief. It didn't matter how upset I was, I would always worry about him. "Has he been getting packages? Or any mail there?"
