"But you two are my best friends. I guess if you dated...I don't know. I don't want to lose you."
"That's not really fair. You never wanted me to begin with, Penny. You can't lose what you never had."
"I mean our friendship."
He sighed. "I don't really know what to tell you."
"The couch isn't made up. I mean, it's pretty obvious that you guys are sleeping together."
"I don't really think we should be talking about this."
"But we're friends."
"It's weird, Penny. You must realize that. With our history? It's complicated to say the least."
"So, you are then?" I asked.
"This is so awkward."
"Tyler."
"I'm not going to talk about my sex life with you, Penny."
"That's what friends do."
"Not when one of those friends used to be in love with the other friend." He stood up. "Not when we've had sex. Not when I compare every girl I'm with to that night we had." He shook his head.
I didn't know that. My hanging around all the time maybe hadn't been as fun for him as it was for me.
"This is enough for me," he said. "If I can't be with you, I decided being your friend was good enough. And you are my best friend. But I can't talk to you about this. This is where I have to draw the line."
"I'm sorry."
"And I'm not going to feel guilty for hooking up with Melissa. Because I'm allowed to have a life outside of whatever this is. You do. You get to go home to James. And at least Melissa actually likes me. Or liked me. I don't know, it's complicated." He sat down on the couch again and scratched the back of his neck.
He was opening up about it. I didn't want him to close off because of our past. I didn't want to be left in the past too. "Why is it complicated?"
"Because she thinks I'm still in love with you."
I swallowed hard. I didn't want to know the answer, but it felt important to ask. If he was, I shouldn't be coming over here all the time. Or at all. And I definitely shouldn't be wearing his pants. "And?"
"I don't even know anymore. I look forward to Friday nights. I haven't really been trying to meet anyone. I've been stuck. I just wanted something less complicated. And Melissa was easy." He coughed. "Not like that. Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just already knew she liked me. It wasn't like it was with you. It wasn't this instant attraction. But, I don't know, our relationship slowly changed into something more. I like having someone to come home to."
"I get that."
He sighed. "I'm friends with James. I wouldn't do anything to mess that up after it took so long for him to be cool with us hanging out. Besides, it's not like how it used to be between us. I still love you, but I'm not in love with you. Melissa doesn't seem to understand the difference."
"Well I do."
"Yeah, that's how you always felt about me." He laughed and looked back up at me.
"Are you in love with her?"
"I don't know. I mean..." he looked uncomfortable. "Honestly, it was just casual hookups. But it was a lot of them. And when she said she was moving here, I offered my place."
"So she wants it to be more than casual?"
"I thought so at first."
