Jackson let out a wet scoff, a tear finally breaking free of his eye to trail down his cheek. “You liar. You know as well as I do that I’ve always taken the easy route.” The hint of a smirk that had played on his lips fell away as the haunted look in his eyes came back. “Brett played on that. He kept telling me that everything would be easier if I granted you full custody.” He trailed off and let his eyes drift around the room, not really focusing on anything. “I’ll admit that there was a small part of me that agreed with him, but… I’d already taken the easy way out once by leaving you both the way I did, and I’ve regretted it ever since. I couldn’t do it a second time. I’d never forgive myself if I did it again.”
Daniel watched him, not saying anything, but given the way his jaw ticked, I could tell he was thinking some pretty heavy thoughts.
“Jackson?” I asked when the silence stretched, each man lost alone in their memories. I waited until he lifted his eyes to mine in expectation before continuing. “Can you tell us more about the older bruising?” Maybe that would clarify things a little in my mind.
He blinked slowly once as if he was trying to figure out how I knew about his other injuries before he looked down at himself and noted what we could see on his shoulder. “Oh.” With his freehand, he tried to lift his gown up to cover the visible bruises. “Um, it’s not as bad as it looks.”
Frowning, I took a deep breath and approached him slowly, shifting the spare chair around so I could sit in it on the other side of the bed to Daniel. I kept my movements slow and calm so as not to spook him. “Jackson, I’m so sorry that this has all happened to you. I can only imagine how hard this is, talking about it to us. I know that you don’t know me, but Daniel and I….” I trailed off to glance at Daniel, who nodded in encouragement. “We’re here to help you. In any way we can.”
Jackson kept his eyes on mine, and even though he was keeping his face neutral, a second tear welled up enough to fall free. He blinked once, his mouth opening as if to say something, but whatever it was simply wouldn’t come.
Slowly, I reached out for his hand and held it gently when he didn’t pull away. “None of this is your fault, Jackson. You know that, right? You didn’t deserve any of this.”
His eyebrows furrowed as he listened, never turning away from me even when Daniel nodded in agreement to what I was saying. He pressed his lips together tightly before he swallowed, took a deep breath, and opened his mouth to try to talk again. This time, it worked. “He never used to be like this. Eighteen months… we’d been together for a little over eighteen months, and all through that time, it was good. We had fun, going out and doing different things every weekend, catching up with friends….” He paused, face crumpling before he steeled himself. “Then a little over six months ago, he had a car accident. He hit his head.”
It took everything I had not to look at Daniel. I had Jackson’s full attention, and I feared that if anything broke that, we’d never get the full story out of him. Instead, I nodded slightly, encouraging him to continue.
“It started off small,” he said, barely blinking as his eyes drilled into mine. “A mean word here or there, but he always apologized after when he realized how it upset me.” He paused, blinking slowly as his shoulders seemed to hunch forward slightly. “Then he started drinking.”
“Oh, Jackson…,” Daniel murmured sadly.
Jackson continued like he hadn’t heard Daniel say anything. The haunted look in his eyes made me wonder if that might have been the case. “We stopped going out…. He said he didn’t have the interest anymore. I thought it might have been a matter of us simply getting older, but then I noticed that we weren’t catching up with friends as often as we used to. Whenever I brought it up, he’d fly off into this rage…. He said he didn’t need anyone else, and if I ‘knew my place,’ I didn’t either. He kept saying that he was the only one I needed and then accused me of cheating on him if I ‘harped on’ about missing our friends or dared to suggest that I could go on my own to catch up with them.”
“Because if you had him, why would you need anyone else?” I offered gently.
He nodded stiffly, his eyes glistening at the knowledge that someone understood. “See? You get it.”
Taking a deep breath, I swallowed and admitted, “Yeah. I do.” This was sounding all too familiar to the stories I’d heard from my frat brothers.
“That’s when he started talking about me giving up custody of Rose.” He nibbled on his bottom lip for a moment. “He didn’t like that I refused.” Motioning to his torso and thighs, he continued. “He’d only target spots where no one could see, places I could cover up easily. And he’d always apologize afterward, swearing he’d never do it again… as long as I wouldn’t push him to that point.”
“But no matter what you did, how carefully you tread,” I said, “he’d blame you for making him hurt you. It was always your fault, wasn’t it?”
Another tear fell as he nodded. He squeezed my hand. “I tried everything, but it was never good enough.”
“Itwasgood enough, Jackson,” I said softly.“You’regood enough. You’re not to blame for any of this. None of this is your fault.”
He shook his head. “If only I could have done more. I tried my best, but he just wouldn’t stop drinking….” For the first time, he turned his attention to Daniel. “You didn’t see me when you came into Malone’s the other night, but I saw you. I was already there, eating with a work colleague for a project we’re working on together.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Daniel nod. I had no idea what Jackson did for a living, but it seemed Daniel knew and wasn’t surprised that Jackson would have needed to work late enough for dinner.
Jackson paused to fidget, his fingers toying in his lap. “We’d had a massive argument last week when I’d told him I’d be working later than normal for a week or so because of an urgent deadline. It’s how I got these….”
My eyes tracked his hands as he motioned to the bruising on his shoulder and upper arm before he drifted down to his ribs, which were hidden beneath his hospital gown.
“After he….” He flinched, his fingers curling into fists before he swallowed heavily and tried again. “After he did what he did, he packed a suitcase and stormed out, swearing he was done with me. Once I was able to get up, I found his house key on the kitchen counter.” He turned his focus to me. “Does it make me a bad person that I felt relief when I saw it? All the times he’d hit me… I know that I should have left him, but I stayed because he kept apologizing and swearing that he’d never do it again.”
Feeling my heart break for the broken man in front of me, I nodded to let him know that I understood.
“But seeing that tiny, little key sitting there on the counter….” His eyes lost focus, drowning in his memories. “It was like….” He paused, tilting his head to the side to find the right words. “He’d taken the decision out of my hands. I didn’t have to worry about leaving him because he’d left me first.” His eyes refocused and snapped to mine. “Am I wrong for thinking that?”
I let out a long, shuddering breath. “No, Jackson. You’re not.” I squeezed his hand once and let him go. I didn’t want to overwhelm him. “You did what you could to survive. There’s nothing wrong or bad with that.”
Nibbling his bottom lip, he nodded slowly before he shifted to look at Daniel again. “The other night…?”
Daniel nodded encouragingly.
“He showed up with one of his work buddies. They’d been drinking. I don’t think they knew I was going to be there because he seemed surprised to see me, you know?” He frowned and looked down at his fingers that were fidgeting again. “He said something to his friend, and then they both laughed and turned to go out the back, where you were.”
