"At least take the carriage. I do not want you getting hurt. Not while I can stop it."
"Too slow."
He made his way quickly to the stables before any more words could be said, saddling his horse and riding to his estate, praying all the while that there was still time to seek Alice’s forgiveness and hoping to God she hadn’t been hurt worse than Roberts had reported.
"Where is the duchess?" Victor asked the second he stepped into the castle.
"She is in her chambers, Your Grace," a footman answered.
He ignored the chill in his veins and rushed to her chambers, hoping she didn’t hate him. He didn’t care that he was soaking wet and mud-stained for riding in the storm as he had, but he needed to see she was well. He could care for himself after she was well and truly taken care of. He would apologize to her and confess his feelings, and if she still wouldn’t have him, then so be it.
He knocked on her door but, hearing nothing, stepped into her chambers. Seeing her so pale and asleep brought back memories of his mother, whom he had hoped to forget.
He didn’t know when he rushed to her, grabbing her hand.
"Victor?" she asked, opening her eyes.
She thought she had been dreaming when she heard his voice, but now she was sure it was him. Shocked, he held onto her hand and murmured, but she could not hear him. He appeared to be lost in another time, and he was shaking. He looked rough, as though he had ridden hard through the storm that was still raging outside, and she worried what memories he could possibly be reliving.
"Victor, talk to me. I’m right here," she cried, hugging him fiercely.
He was soaked to the bone, and she knew he could catch his death, but she couldn’t let go of him. He held tightly to her, and she knew whatever trauma held him was stronger than she knew, so she held him even tighter, whispering into his ear.
"I am here. I am not going anywhere. I promise you."
She wasn’t going to leave him. Not after she had seen him like this. He appeared to be holding onto so much pain she worried for him.
"I am sorry I wasn’t here," he apologized. "I should never have left. You were right I was a coward. I am sorry. I don’t want to lose you. Please don’t leave."
"I am not going anywhere," she reassured him, whispering into his hair. "I promise. Talk to me, Victor. I can only understand you when you do."
"I have such a dark past, Alice," he murmured against her. "It is an old wound I would rather leave covered."
"If it doesn’t come to the light then it will never heal," she told him, pulling away to look in his eye. "Let me help you."
He looked so broken she ached inside her heart for him. There was so much pain in his eyes and the way he held his body thatshe knew whatever he was about to tell her was him trusting her with his entire world.
"My mother… I found my mother dead in the lake when I was ten," he said suddenly.
Her gasp rent the air, and she slapped a hand over her mouth to hide her shock.
"What… what happened?"
"She had been given over in marriage to my father after he had forced her parents’ hands, and he had found quickly she didn’t take kindly to people threatening her family." He laughed humorlessly as he squeezed her hand for support. "She hated my father for forcing her into the match to him and had plans to run away, which she put aside when she discovered she was pregnant with me."
She nodded and tried not to ask any questions that could push him back behind the walls, which he appeared to have completely torn down.
"He knew she loved me and used me to punish her for her hatred of him but she tried. When I got older, I started to look more like him, and it made her start to resent me. She tried to help me so many times but ended up getting hurt herself so she chose to shield herself by acting like I did not exist so he couldn’t use me to punish her." He laughed darkly. "It was her own way of protecting me and it worked for a time, but she ended upthrowing herself in the lake to escape the pain she tried so hard to bury. That was why I hated seeing you at the lake."
"I am so sorry, Victor," she told him, squeezing his hand.
"I hated him so much from that night," he said with so much venom in his voice. "And I swore that I would kill him. It was a shame he died before I was strong enough to do so."
"You wouldn’t have been able to live with that on your conscience."
"He knew that and he knew very well that I would never want to marry and bring a child into this family so he put the clause that I would never get full access to all of the estates unless I did," he told her, nuzzling her hair. "That is why I had to marry. I couldn’t let the farmers suffer."
She realized that her husband loved physical touch. His hands had roamed over her face, her hair, and her hands, and it excited her how comfortable he had become with her.
