This was exactly what he had needed and what he had deserved. Perhaps his father had been right all along. He was always going to be lacking. He was never going to be able to do anything right. No matter how hard he tried.
He had done the right thing, leaving Alice to live her life free of his influence. She deserved better than a man who failed at everything he set out to do.
"God. Victor," Andrew groaned. "You are ruining this match for me."
He returned to the present, still feeling the clouds of the darkness he had begun to sink into hovering strongly over him. He hadn’t even realized just how much damage his body had taken until now. His face and body ached in several places, and he knew there would be a new collection of bruises to deal with.
"I didn’t say we could stop," he complained, noticing Andrew had removed his shirt and was wiping at his face.
"You didn’t need to," Andrew replied with a frown. "If I didn’t, I could have killed you and I have a sinking feeling you were hoping I would."
He accepted the water pitcher and drank greedily, not realizing how thirsty he was.
"I would have stopped you before you could."
"I highly doubt you would have," Andrew spat. His chest still heaved with the exertion of the exercise. "I know you are burdened by whatever foolish thing you’ve done now but this isn’t the way to handle things. I don’t like you using me as punishment."
"I’m not…"
"You forget I know you, Victor," he spat.
His forest green eyes were alight with rage, showing that Victor had hurt him deeply.
"You are not much different from Benedict, and I would rather see you here in pain than have you chase physical punishment to some other continent."
"Is there still no word from him?" he inquired.
Benedict was Andrew’s cousin who enlisted in the army after his betrothed had jumped into the Thames when she discovered his affair. He had started by drinking himself into a guilty stupor and, unable to bear the guilt of her death, decided that he deserved punishment. The three of them had been close since their school days, but as Andrew’s cousin, his disappearance weighed heavier on him.
"No, but we are not discussing him now. What has you in such a state? Why aren’t you at your estate?"
Victor sighed in preparation for the scolding that would come with his revelation of the truth of what he had done, and he was not mistaken. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, his friend nearly punched him again.
"Why would you do that?" he asked, near yelling.
"I can’t be with her like a regular man," he answered.
"I do not understand. Are you impotent?"
"That is not what I mean," he sighed, rising from the floor to pace. "I cannot feign happiness when deep down I am not. I cannot live as though I have no cares."
"I still do not understand what you mean," Andrew insisted, rising also. "Why would you have to feign happiness or live without a care? You like her, do you not?"
If he were honest, he liked her more than he could accurately describe, and that was what scared him. If he were to voice it out, it would be as though asserting it, and there would be no forgetting her, as he intended to, with time. He had never felt the way he did for Alice for any other woman, and the magnitude of it scared him to no end.
"I cannot say that, but I do care for her happiness."
"That is utter rubbish, and you know it." Andrew scoffed. "You like her, otherwise you would never have kissed her or set yourself on this supposed righteous path."
"I care for her and that’s the truth of it," he answered stubbornly. "There is nothing more than concern for her. She was basically gifted to me by her father who didn’t want an unmarried daughter and had made her life miserable. Now that she has my name and lives in my estate, she has nothing to worry about. I have played my role."
"You are unbelievable." Andrew laughed. "I didn’t think you had it in you to say ridiculous things. You have never let yourself converse with a woman, even your household staff, but you notonly kissed this one, you let her take you on a tour of your own home and discuss literature. You are smitten by all standards."
"Do not…"
"What’s worse? The girl is equally smitten and now will be forced to live her days lonely because you choose to hang yourself on a cross for naught."
"I am trying not to hurt her."
