Alice felt her cheeks warm. "I’m not defending him," she said quickly, shifting uncomfortably under their scrutinizing gaze. "I’m only saying that we don’t know him, truly know him. How can we judge someone that barely speaks to us?"
"You were doing that just fine for two years!" Emma said and scoffed. "Remember how we used to call him evil and vile for abandoning you here for years without even a single letter or message?"
"How we would update you on the latest rumors about him, and you would even agree that he must have done something evil to start these rumors?" Lavinia added.
"What changed?"
"Nothing!" Alice said a bit too quickly, her cheeks flushing as she smoothed her hands over the dress. "Nothing, all right? Now, what do you think of this dress for the ball?" She turned toward the mirror, avoiding their questioning stares. "I quite like the color, but it’s rather tight."
"What an obvious way to change the subject," Lavinia said and strolled to stand in front of her. "Answer our questions, Alice. What changed?"
Alice gave her a knowing look. "Don’t ask me questions I cannot answer, Lavinia. I don’t know why I said that."
Lavinia and Emma both exchanged looks before Lavinia backed away and stood far enough so she could properly assess Alice’s dress.
"I love the color too," Lavinia said. "It’s beautiful and it suits you. It is the perfect dress for your reentry into society after two years of absence."
Alice turned back to the mirror. "I had the modiste take it in to fit better since I seem to have lost a bit of weight, but I am afraid she tightened it a little too much." She tugged at the bodice, feeling the constricting fabric dig into her skin. "I can barely breathe, and it’s making me question if I should wear something else."
"It looks stunning Alice," Emma said. "Fitted, I’d say, not tight."
"You know Alice has always hated ball gowns," Lavinia said. "You always complain that they are too tight, that they are digging into your skin."
"Well, must they be too tight?" she asked. "I’d like to breathe a bit."
"Do you have others you would like to try on?" Emma asked. "Or do you want to visit the modiste and have this one mended?"
"I just...I need some air," Alice said. "Let’s go and sit by the lake and read a book or something. I have tried on three dresses now. The ball isn’t for another week. We have time."
Emma nodded enthusiastically. "That sounds perfect! A little escape by the lake is just what you need. Go change, and I ask the maids to prepare blankets and some snacks."
"I will fetch the books from the library downstairs," Lavinia said, scurrying out of the room.
As Emma made to leave, Alice stopped her. "Emma? Is what Lavinia says true? You might be getting married this season? To a Baron?"
Emma shook her head. "It was one dance, Alice. Besides, I have no time to socialize or frolic with siblings that depend on me for almost everything."
"But if you had to choose," Alice said. "If you could get married to this Baron, to escape your father and your ever nagging siblings, would you marry him?"
Emma smiled faintly. "Are you asking if you made the right choice, Alice? If marrying the Duke to fulfil your papa’s wishes and escape your mama’s constant nagging was the right choice?"
Alice feigned a smile. "I should change," she said in a low whisper. "Please send Maureen up on your way down."
"All right," Emma said and made to walk away, but she stopped and turned back around. "You have been doing just fine, Alice. You might not be the happiest, but life isn’t as horrible as you thought it would be as Duchess of Ravenmoor, right?"
"I’m lonely, Emma," Alice said to her, tears stinging her eyes. "I hate to admit this to anyone, but I am. It’s not horrible, but I would like for it to be better, you know? Of course, I don’t have my hopes set high."
"Even if I had the chance, I wouldn’t marry the Baron," Emma said. "Perhaps, the books I have read have filled my head with fantasies, but I would like to imagine a different route for me. Alice, he is older than my papa. No, thank you."
Alice giggled.
"On the bright side, the Duke might be a scary man with a dark past, but he is quite handsome," Emma said. "And young."
"And full of secrets," Alice whispered to herself as Emma made her way out of the room.
After a quick change into a simple linen dress, Alice joined Emma and Lavinia outside to sit by the lake. There were particular places in the estate that Alice loved. Places where she always spent most of her time. The library, her bathroom – soon the Orangery – and the lake.
Perhaps it was how green it was or how still the water looked—so still that she could see her own reflection in it. This place was also a refuge for her. It made time stand still. The air was fresher, and here, she could breathe, sit with her thoughts, and sometimes fall asleep for hours.
