As her imagination and the reality before her were already colliding, perhaps fate was offering her up an opportunity. More to the point, it would be the perfect revenge for him striking outher name as if she was nothing. He would not soon forget the woman who came out of the walls, shouted at him, and kissed him.
With the door to the room closed, what was the worst that could happen? He’d reject her and push her away? It was not as if she was unaccustomed to rejection; it would barely scratch her threadbare pride.
“This ought to teach you a lesson,” she said.
Before she lost her nerve altogether, she grasped the man by the lapels of his tailcoat. He did not attempt to move away or push her from him, though his shoulders stiffened. Clearly, he was someone who was not used to retreating from anything, especially considering he had not flinched when she had burst out of the hidden servants’ door.
Mustering all of her courage, Teresa pulled herself up on her tiptoes until the balls of her feet ached, tilted her head up until she could almost reach his lips, and…
The main door opened with a loud creak of old hinges, laughter and chatter spilling into the room. Noise that stopped dead in an instant.
Oh… Oh no…
What was the worst that could happen? Being caught in a compromising situation with a man, that Teresa had broughtupon herself, that no amount of explaining would be able to get her out of. Even her mask would not be able to protect her, for who else would choose to be a bear among rabbits and birds?
Indeed, that precious mask had undoubtedly just sealed her fate.
CHAPTER THREE
“You are supposed to be the sensible one!” Julianna wailed, pressing a handkerchief to her trembling lips. “You were meant to be the one I did not have to worry about! In three years, you have barely said a handful of words toanyman, and on the rare occasion you have danced, you have danced as if you wished to be as far from your partner as possible. Now this! Oh, what am I to do with you?”
Teresa rested her feverish brow against the cool pane of the carriage window, closing her eyes, not even grimacing as the carriage bounced and jostled, making her forehead knock against the glass.
“Mother, please let me have some peace,” she whispered. “We can discuss this in the morning. No good can come from speaking of it now.”
Julianna snorted defiantly. “Iwilltalk about it now. I will because I must. I have been working tirelessly to find a husbandfor you, and now you, you silly girl, have gone and ruined everything!” She heaved out a sigh. “If you had just made friends with those ladies, they would have kept your secret! But the scandal will be halfway around that ball by now and will be all the way around society by morning.”
Teresa squeezed her eyes tighter. Had it been anyone other than Lady Juliet and her entourage who had walked into the room, Teresa might have survived the scandalous event with a little earnest pleading, but the other gentleman—the unknown fellow who had spoken unkindly about her first—had decided to bring them back with him.
Why them, of all people? Why did it have to be them?
“This is because of all those books,” Julianna ranted on. “They have filled your head with foolish notions, and now you have sentenced yourself—and us, I might add—to scorn and ridicule. No gentleman will want you now. Not even the baronets. I should have burned all those books long ago; I knew they would bring trouble, I just knew it. Honestly, I wouldneverhave expected this of you, Teresa! All of my hard work for nothing. All of my plans, now?—”
“Have you ever bothered to look at me during those endless introductions?” Teresa snapped, whirling around to face her mother, who sat directly opposite. “Have you ever bothered to notice my discomfort, my displeasure, my unease?”
Julianna blinked in astonishment. “If you were more social, you would not be so ill at ease.”
“It is not about my ability to be social,” Teresa shot back. “The gentlemen you have paraded before me are all old or infirm or rude or utterly disinterested in me, if not outright repelled by me. It is… humiliating, Mother.” Her voice cracked, tears pricking at her eyes. “It is devastating to have to stand there and witness the way they look at me, their noses turned up; or hearing them speak about what will be expected of me: to be silent and obedient, to be nothing more than a vessel for carrying their children, to ‘do something about my appearance’. If every insult were a wound on my skin, I would becoveredin scars.”
Shaking her head, Julianna muttered, “Do not be so dramatic.”
“I am not,” Teresa replied fervently. “For once, I am being honest. I do not deny that you have worked ceaselessly to find me a husband—any husband—but you have never paused to ask if it is what I want. You have not once considered that I might… wish to fall in love, that I might not be content with… whoever will have me.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, Julianna turned her gaze toward the shadowed countryside moving past the windows. “I was doing the best I could. You have never lacked beauty, in my opinion, but you do not speak, and you have created a reputation for being difficult. Reclusive. Dull.Iknow you are not dull or difficult, but public opinion has made it… terribly challenging to find suitable matches for you.”
“It has never been my intention to be difficult,” Teresa murmured. “I just… do not have a talent for society, like Isolde or Beatrice.”
“If you could have managed to be somewhere between yourself, your sister, and Beatrice, you would have been fending off suitors with a stick,” Julianna said, expelling a strained breath. “Not that any of that matters now. Prudence is supposed to debut next year—what chance will she have, after all of this?”
Guilt snaked around Teresa’s chest, squeezing.
“I doubt Prudence would have had much luck anyway,” Julianna replied to herself, grimacing. “She is… Well, she is Prudence.”
It did nothing to alleviate Teresa’s guilt. Although, she could not help wishing that she were a little more like her youngest sister. If Prudence had been sitting there, in Teresa’s situation, she would have shrugged it off, cackling about the look on everyone’s faces. Indeed, if Prudence was told that she had to marry, and she did not want to, she would likely kiss every gentleman she could find in order to prevent it. Or she would elope with the gardener.Shewould never settle for less than what she desired.
“I… did not mean to ruin everything,” Teresa croaked, her remorse, her embarrassment, her wishes, all caving in at once, threatening to suffocate her under the weight. “I know I did. I know it is all my fault. I know that nothing I can say will fix what I have done. I know that any slim chance I had of finding love is now gone, and I must live with that.”
All of this, and I never even got to experience a kiss.It felt like the cruelest twist of all, for her to be so severely judged for nothing whatsoever.
