She smiled back at him.
“For giving me this life,” she said again and looked around the room. “I’m happy here.” She knew it was true. Yes, maybe there were compromises, maybe she would never have a child of her own, and maybe she would never be fortunate enough to be loved by Allan, but she had her freedom, her safety, and she had her friends.
I am as happy as I could possibly be.
“I pray you continue to be this happy, Freddie. It’s all I want.”
* * *
“You look so natural with her on your lap,” Dorothy whispered to Frederica, leaning toward her.
Frederica smiled, doing her best to keep her expression fixed in place and mask the sudden sadness that had swelled within her. She had been cradling Arabella in her lap for some time. The little one had started by sitting there, squeezing Frederica’s palm and pulling on her gown, but she was now fast asleep, cradled in the crook of Frederica’s elbow.
“She is very sweet,” Frederica whispered to Dorothy. “I am so happy for you.”
“Thank you.” Dorothy looked down at her daughter with a doting smile from where they sat together on a settee in the parlor.
Frederica was distantly aware of the others in the room. Stephen and Allan were doing their best to stop Peter from causing any more trouble, Charlotte sat peacefully sipping tea, and Gerard held onto their son, Benjamin, who was giggling delightedly as he watched Peter causing mischief.
“Someday, you will have a child of your own,” Dorothy said sweetly, reaching down and stroking Arabella’s hair.
Frederica stiffened, finding it even more difficult to keep her smile in place than before.
That will not be my future.
She glanced at Allan, who was guffawing with laughter as Peter shot through Stephen’s legs to make another attempt at breaking free of the room. She could imagine Allan as a good father. Had he not shown himself to be a good uncle all morning?
The moment the children had arrived, he’d taken command of their attention so the parents could have a break, sitting with them on the floor of their parlor and taking part in their games.
Frederica could remember well enough that her father never played such games with her when she was a child. She sat on the floor, playing alone as her father read his newspaper and barely spoke to her. Allan was clearly not that sort of man.
“You look distant,” Dorothy said softly. “Is all well?”
“Perfectly.” Frederica felt her smile grow genuine.
“Good, then my brother is making you happy?” Dorothy asked with her eyes wide, seeming quite intent on having a true answer. “He’s a good husband to you?”
“I can hear you, Dorothy,” Allan suddenly called from across the room as he caught Peter from making another escape. He lifted him in the air to the boy’s cheer as he giggled wildly. “If you’re looking for bad stories about me, haven’t you got enough to tell without Frederica adding to the list?”
Frederica felt her cheeks heat up as she looked at him.
He keeps his nickname for me private.
Not once when they were with their friends had he called her that name. It somehow leant itself to more intimacy when they were alone, a secret that only they shared.
“True.” Dorothy nodded. “Perhaps I should tell Frederica about the time you and Stephen nearly gave our dad a heart attack by sneaking out of the house at night and falling into the nearest pond?”
“No!” Stephen and Allan declared at once, prompting everyone in the room to laugh.
“That story was bad enough to live through, let alone to hear it repeated,” Allan said hurriedly. He moved toward the pair of them across the room, depositing Peter with his father first before he sat down on Frederica’s other side.
He smiled softly as he looked down at the sleeping Arabella. “You do look very natural with her in your arms.”
Frederica looked away from him, unable to allow her thoughts to wander to such possibilities. She shifted Arabella gently when the girl snuffled in her sleep, then she fell still again, her tiny hand gripping Frederica’s sleeve.
“She is a very quiet one,” Frederica whispered.
“Thank God for that,” Stephen called across the room. “I’m not sure I could handle another like Peter.”
