As they came to the end of the dance, the music softly closing, they stopped their movements and bowed and curtsied to one another. As Allan stood straight, he raised her gloved hand to his lips again. Was it in her imagination, or did he hold her hand longer to his lips than last time? Longer than he should have done in a public place?
His eyes never left her as he slowly lowered it again.
Could it never be love?
The words almost escaped her. It was what she longed to know — if she ever had a chance of Allan loving her, if there would ever be the remotest possibility that he would tremble with excitement at her touch.
“What do you say to taking our leave?” he whispered, tucking her hand through his arm. “We have made enough of an appearance for one night, haven’t we?”
Frederica found herself nodding. Yes, she was more than happy to leave, especially if it meant maintaining this feeling of being close to him as much as it was possible to do so.
They made their way back toward the entrance. Allan pulled on his frock coat, and as Frederica moved to take her pelisse from a manservant, she found Allan had taken it first. He helped her into the pelisse, slowly, even delicately, his fingers brushing the top part of her bare shoulders as he did so.
It doesn’t just feel like friendship.
She bit her lip to stop the words escaping her.
He linked their arms together as they walked out of the building.
“Well, that was some dance,” he said. At his words, a natural laugh fell from her lips.
“We’re doing better, too. My gown is intact, and you have no broken toes.”
“Ha! We are improving. We shall have to dance again next time.” He found their carriage, helping her up inside before he climbed up himself.
Rather than sitting opposite her as he had done on their journey to the ball, he sat beside her. The carriage set off, and it made their shoulders bump together.
They spent a minute or two in silence in the carriage with Frederica leaning increasingly on Allan’s arm as the journey went on. In the end, she felt so tired that she rested her head on his shoulder. He didn’t shrug her off or push her away. In fact, he seemed to lower his shoulder an inch, making it a little easier for her to use his shoulder as a pillow.
“You’re right,” she murmured.
“About what?”
“I never thought I’d be fortunate enough to marry a true friend.” She couldn’t look at him as she said the words, but she kept her head on his shoulder. “Thank you for asking me to marry you, Allan.”
“Thank you for saying yes,” he whispered.
She closed her eyes, finding a sudden tiredness overwhelming her. Sleep wasn’t far off when she could have sworn, she felt something on the top of her head. Was that Allan kissing her forehead? No, it had to be in her imagination.
As she drifted off into a nap, one thing kept repeating through her mind. As lovely as that night had been, as safe as she felt with Allan, and as close to him as she felt now, there was one disappointment that could not be pushed back.
He cannot love me. He as good as said he could not.
Only when they arrived back at the house, and she woke from her nap did she understand what this truly meant to her. He stood in the open doorway of the carriage, offering his hand to help her down again.
“Freddie?” he whispered, clearly enjoying her new nickname, for the moonlight fell on his smile in the most glowing way.
She gave him her hand, finding she gripped it a little tighter this time as he helped her down. They walked across the driveway together, hand in hand, neither one of them showing any intention to move away from each other or even to release the grip they shared.
I wish it were possible that, someday, he could love me.
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
“Allan? Allan!” Frederica called happily through the house. She ran, the skirts of one of her new gown gathered in her hands. She entered the breakfast room where she found Allan was already at the head of the table.
He was midway through pouring her tea, just as she liked it — rather milky with one sugar.
“Well, you must be happy,” Allan said with a laugh. “I haven’t seen you running through this house yet.” He put down the teapot as he looked at her gown. “Is that one of the ones I bought for you?”
