The silence that had fallen over the carriage was inviting, and Louisa felt as though she could finally speak of everything that had been bothering her over her time at St Vincent.
"Heflirtswith me whenever I want to justtalkto him! And he looks at me with such a look, like he's trying to look through me. And he calls me all these names, not like that Penelope, but confusing ones. Sweet wife when he barely wanted to marry me to begin with. Sometimes he seems kind and sincere and others he turns around and starts saying ridiculous things to make me annoyed with him so I will go away…" she looked up and noticed the twinkle in Evelina's eyes and groaned. "I assure you, Evelina, it isquitethe most annoyed I have ever been."
"Clearly," Evelina said. "He seems to make you feel a lot of things, sister."
"A man who is both kind and flirtatious," Alexandra said, smiling a little. "How terrible."
"It almost sounds like you are trying to find reasons to hate him," Penelope said, crowding up to throw her arms around Louisa's neck. "And like you can't quite make yourself!"
That was the most ridiculous thing Louisa had ever heard. She didn'thateCedric. But she certainly didn'tlikehim. She wasneutral.Neutral completely. Very business-like and proper. That was how she felt.
But that was just not something that she had words to explain to her sisters.
"I am glad things are going so well," Evelina said, smiling calmly as Louisa made a noise of annoyance and was promptly kissed on either cheek by Penelope and Margaret.
Margaret, being assured that her sister was not in fact wasting away in a lonely, loveless marriage, started a discussion on babies and the difficulties in raising them, something that all sisters were immediately distracted by as the carriage drove on.
"Is this not quite an expensive place?" Louisa asked for the tenth time as her sisters led her up the stairs of the modiste's shop. Her own experiences shopping for dresses had never been this fine. In fact she had always preferred a dove gray or a light brown gown so that she could more easily blend into the background. Nothing eye-catching or bright, no colors that might draw strangers to her.
And certainly nothing so fashionable as she could see on the dress forms in the shop before her. Such an array of fine silks, lace and ribbons, glistening beads and buttons and coats and buckles were in front of them that it was dizzying.
"My dear," Evelina lowered her voice and spoke in the way that she was wont to when she was trying to educate without embarrassing. "The Earl of St Vincent is one of the wealthiestmen in the country. You are his wife. You must dress accordingly."
"You must in fact," Margaret said pertly from her other side, "dress better than most any other woman at the party you are going to. I am quite looking forward to seeing it!"
"You have never let me put you in something that would be truly becoming," Evelina added. "Now you have no choice in the matter, Louisa. You will be expected to dress well."
"I may be expected to," Louisa said quietly and firmly, having learned how from dealing with Mrs. Brooks. "But that is not my intention. After the wedding everyone will be inclined to look at me and I have no interest in drawing their gazes further by wearing something fancy. I shall have an appropriate but simple dress and that shall be that."
"Louisa," Evelina said, eyebrows up in surprise, but Louisa was already walking away towards the shop owner, letting her sisters follow on.
Oh they were probably right, but she could not do it. She could not go into that party where everyone would already be talking about her and feel the eyes of those strangers on her skin. When people looked at her it felt like they weretouchingher, like she couldn't bear it and had to hide and run away.
She could not add to that by wearing an expensive and fashionable gown, it would be too much. It would be too, too much.
"My lady," the modiste said, dropping into a curtsey. "Welcome. It is a pleasure to have you here today. May I show you the latest satins we have in from Europe?"
"No, thank you," Louisa said calmly, ignoring the way that Alexandra had taken her arm and was trying to get her attention. "May I look at some pearl grey crepe for the petticoat? Something demure."
The lady, who was small and round and creased like a prune looked up with surprise at her. "My lady, I cannot!"
"But this is what I want," Louisa said, feeling a flash of frustration. Why was it that everyone seemed to think that they could tell her what she was allowed to dress like now she was a married woman? Surely she was at last mistress of her own household! "Why are you not able to provide me with what I want to order?"
"Of course I can provide it," the little woman said. "But first I must provide you with the finest and most expensive dress that I can create. Lord St Vincent has sent word yesterday that he will not accept anything less for his new bride. It must be the finest of satins and he has paid extra to have it embroidered and beaded before the event. Perhaps you would care to pick out the shade of satin?"
She gestured with a wrinkled hand that had so many rings on it that Louisa was not sure how she bent her fingers enough to sew and Louisa nodded slowly. She felt like she might burn up with embarrassment and anger. How dare he decide what she was towear without even asking her about it? And to pick something, ask for something so expensive, so eye-catching. It made her want to blush and hide her face and also to stomp her feet and shout at him at once!
"Very well, could you bring out some samples and my sisters will help me choose."
The modiste nodded and disappeared into some back room of the shop, leaving Louisa to spin around and glare accusingly at all four sisters, who were trying very hard not to laugh at her. "Did you know about this?"
"Not at all," Evelina said. "But it is not unexpected. You must look well or you will be making him look bad."
"You cannot be surprised," Margaret added. "He is a very powerful man. He will be known in all the best shops and they will be quite used to getting such orders from him."
"I am sure everyone is quite used to it," Louisa said, pinching her lips together. "This,thisis what makes himsoannoying to me! He is used to doing whatever he likes and so he does,always. No matter what I think or say he just does what he likes!"
"Of course he does what he likes," Margaret said with a droll tone. "He's an earl. I don't know if you have noticed, my dear, but gentlemen of his rank do tend to be able to do what they like."
