He knew what sort of man he was. People flinched and cowered back from him, they stared at him in public with suspicion. Whether they believed the rumors or not, his whole manner was off putting and dark. How could Maggie possibly care for him now?
“Maybe he cares for you, too,” Penelope suggested softly.
Yet that isn’t possible.
Theodore didn’t hear what was said next for he retreated so fast from the doorway. He turned and walked away on tiptoe to avoid making any sound. He retreated all the way to his study, closing the door behind him and leaning on it.
The anger ripped through him. He tore of his tailcoat and his cravat too, throwing them down to the floor. He caught a candlestick and knocked that to the ground by accident. His normally neat mind, the part of him that insisted on everything being in perfect order, would have demanded he pick it back up again, but at that moment, he couldn’t care less.
He marched around the room, thrusting the sleeves of his shirt up and looking back and forth in alarm.
“I could never care for her,” he muttered to himself. “I don’t have the capacity to love. None of it!”
Yet he had started tofeelthings. He’d felt concern for her. He’d felt jealousy, too. Yet none of it could lead to love. He was only bound to break her heart someday, for if she loved him, he would be incapable of loving her back.
This needs to stop. I will not let her give her heart to me.
Theodore lifted his head from the book he had been reading to stare at Maggie across the room. She was playing a rather rowdy card game with her sisters. There was much laughter and jollity, to the extent that Theodore wondered if it was possible for the sisters to be this free in their own home.
Perhaps not. At least here, they are free of their father.
His eyes traced the way Maggie smiled and how she placed cards down with victory. It was a sweet image, but one that was cutting as well, for she turned and smiled at him.
What is she hoping for from me? Some declaration of my heart? I can’t give her that.
“Well, I think I must retire for the night,” Evelina said as she won the final round of cards and stood, placing her hands on her stomach. “This baby is beginning to kick and move. They are wanting sleep as much as I am.”
“I need sleep, too,” Alexandra declared, and was quickly followed by both Penelope and Louisa. They all stood and made their way to the door. “Goodnight, Margaret.”
“Goodnight,” she called back.
They all waved goodnight to Theodore and though he nodded briefly in goodbye, he tried not to show too much warmth. To do so might have given Maggie some hope that he would be a brother to her sisters.
I am not capable of that sort of love any more than I am of loving her.
As the door closed, Maggie busied herself tidying away the cards in a small games box.
“Is all well, Theo?” she called, looking up from her task to catch his eye.
He no longer bothered to even try to read his book. He closed the cover and rested it on the table beside him.
“You have been quiet since our treasure hunt this afternoon. You barely uttered a word during dinner.”
“Your sisters rather dominate conversation,” he pointed out.
“I thought you said you wouldn’t mind them being here?”
“I don’t mind.” He shook his head and folded his arms. Now they were alone, it was the perfect opportunity to warn her not to place hope on him, to take that heart of hers and tuck it away somewhere safe. Yet he wasn’t sure how to start such a conversation.
“Then what has made you fall so quiet?” she asked, standing and returning the games box to a small drawer in a sideboard nearby.
“It doesn’t matter.” His answer must have annoyed her. For though he didn’t see her face, he saw the way her shoulders stiffened as she closed the drawer.
Slowly, she turned to face him, her eyes wide.
“For goodness’ sake, what is wrong?” she asked.
“I am merely thinking things, that is all.”
