CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“Icannot say that I know how you feel but I am sorry that you have gone through all of this, Colin,” Mark said, shaking his head as Colin filled him in on all that had happened.
It had been a few days since Jane left his home after the grueling conversation they had in the drawing room. He snorted.
“How could she say that she felt trapped? All I have ever done is ensure that she is happy and that my nieces have a woman in their life that would care for them and teach them how to behave like proper women. How is it that she feels trapped?”
Mark heaved a breath and clapped him on the back, handing him another glass of whiskey.
“I cannot claim to know the mind of a woman. Perhaps what you believed to be freedom, she saw as different. I wish I could say that she would see the advantage of her marriage to you and return but I do not wish to lie to you.”
Colin looked at his friend and rolled his eyes.
“You sure do know how to comfort a friend when he is down.”
He threw his head back and poured the stiff drink into his mouth, wincing as it burned all the way down. He welcomed the sting it brought, hoping it would distract him from the pain in his heart.
“I had hoped that she would remain in my home until after the annulment had been finalized before leaving to return to her father’s house. Perhaps it would have given me enough time to show her that I love her and perhaps she loves me too and we could find a way to work this out and be happy together.”
He got up from his chair to pour himself another drink and sighed as he swirled the golden liquid in the glass. It had done nothing to help his situation, instead, it seemed to have him more focused on his feelings and what he had lost.
Colin still could not fathom how this was his life. How could things have gone horribly wrong so suddenly? Finding out he was in love with her had been quite terrifying for him. Dealing with his feelings had been even worse.
Colin had only managed to come to terms with his love for her and his decision to tell her about how he felt after speaking to his grandmother but he hadn’t been given the opportunity to do so.
He had been robbed of his moment when she told him she wanted an annulment.
“I wish she had given me an opportunity to tell her that I love her,” he said, voicing the thought that had plagued him since she left.
He’d had dreams of that night over and over again, except in his dreams, he had told her that he loved her. Her reaction to his feelings was never the same.
On some days, she was happy and reciprocated his feelings, putting an end to any talk of annulment while on other days, she had laughed in his face before telling him that it hadn’t been part of their arrangement when he sought her hand and she could never love him back. “I do not know how long I can fake being happy in front of Margaret and Louisa. I can tell that they have begun to suspect that Jane will not be coming back. What am I supposed to tell them has caused her to leave?”
“Perhaps you do not need to tell them anything yet. You should take some time to yourself and feel better and then you can broach the topic in a way that will not hurt them.”
Colin shook his head. He could already see the hurt in their eyes when he told them the truth. The girls had already been abandoned so many times already. He did not want them to feel that way again. He doubted they would recover from it this time.
“The girls are going to be hurt no matter what I say. They have been through a lot already but they welcomed her and loved her.It would hurt them to know that she left. For now, they think she has only gone to visit her family. I do not know how long I can continue to sell them that lie before they realize that she is not coming back.”
It hurt that things might have to come to that, however, he could not blame her leaving if she did not feel satisfied. Although there was a part of him that simply could not believe it to be true.
“I cannot for the life of me believe that she was truly unhappy with me. Perhaps that makes me egotistical but it is a matter that boggles my mind. Jane has never been one to shy from saying her mind. If she truly was unhappy, I do not think she would have faked a smile for my sake.”
Mark listened in silence as his friend lamented his woes. He hummed as he took in all that Colin had said.
“Perhaps it is not for you that she faked her happiness but for the sake of the children and she merely could not take it anymore,” he said.
Colin looked at him in amusement despite the pain he felt.
“You really are quite terrible at consolation, aren’t you?”
Mark laughed. “I believe in the truth and the truth is that I do not know for certain how she feels. I wish to console you and tell you that all will be right but I cannot do so as you would know it to be a lie.”
Colin nodded. “You’re quite right. It is for that reason that I am speaking to you about this.”
Mark held his chest comically, trying to lighten the mood.
“You mean to say that you have not asked me because of my amazing conversation skill and dashing handsomeness?”
