“There is nothing that you should concern yourself with, Colin. I am merely unhappy and while I have tried to be, I simply cannot force it anymore.”
The words coming out of her felt like bile burning the inside of her throat. But Jane would never forgive herself if something happened to him.
His brows had furrowed in confusion and surprise when she’d suddenly blurted that out and now, it deepened, changing his face.
“What do you mean? In the time that you have been here, your smile has been bright. You’ve enjoyed the company of the children as they have come to enjoy yours, too?” he stated emphatically.
Jane shook her head.
“No, Colin. I have only done what you asked of me. You married me because you wanted someone who would teach your nieces and I have done as you asked but that does not mean that I have been happy.”
Colin’s face fell. She could see the confusion in his eyes as he stared at her, wondering what had gone wrong.
She held her hands behind her back as she spoke. How could she tell him the truth? He would set out to find Graham if she did.
A part of her wanted to tell him and hoped that he would so she would be free of the monster, however, she could not. Not when it could result in Colin’s harm. She couldn’t see how else this would go.
“Jane, whatever it is that has caused you to come to this decision, I’m sure we can come to a decision that does not involve you leaving.”
Jane bit her lip to stop the tears that stung at her eyes. She did not think he could hear it himself, but the desperation in his voice was very clear to her. She had never heard him sound like that.
Does he want me to stay that terribly?
She closed her eyes and sighed.I cannot.
“I believe there is nothing to be said that could change my mind, Colin. I have thought long and hard about this,” she answered. But she needed to be sure he would let go. “Surely, you do not think me incapable of making my own decisions and standing by them that you would seek to argue this,” she added.
He stepped back as though she had struck him and stared at her like she was a stranger he was only just seeing for the first time.
“Would you choose to see me as a monster who does not respect you, Jane?” he asked. “Have I given you reason to believe that I would not respect your wishes?”
She remained silent although a part of her begged her to apologize for her words that had clearly struck a nerve.
“I do not accuse you of being a monster, Colin. I merely speak from my heart. I do not wish to be in a marriage with you any longer. I am quite unhappy and unfulfilled.”
She walked up to him and looked him in the eyes.
“I merely wish to be free of this torment in my heart every time I remember that I am stuck in a marriage that I do not wish to be in, Your Grace.”
Colin sucked in a breath at her use of his title instead of his name and closed his eyes for a moment. She’d known the repercussion of doing that. When he opened them, her heart sank. She knew that he would grant her what she wanted because he would never try to be the reason for her pain.
It was what she wanted and yet, every part of her begged her to scream at him that she had been wrong and she did not want to be apart from him for a moment.
“Jane,” his tone was pleading.
He took her head in his hand when she turned away from him and held her gaze.
Her body ached to let out a sigh as she relaxed into his hands, instead she defied her feelings and pulled away from his reach, remaining silent.
His jaw ticked wildly and his eyes seemed lost. He nodded.
“Very well. I will give you what you want.”
He clasped his hands behind his back and Jane noticed everything about him change. Gone was the man she had come to love.
“We will get the annulment as quickly as possible if that is what it will take for you to be happy again. The girls…” he paused and Jane wanted to cry. They would be heartbroken. “I will explain the situation to them.”I will never be happy again.
Her world had been destroyed right in front of her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
“Thank you,” she murmured, her voice like a whisper that carried into the still of the night, haunting and filled with so much of her fears.
If only things could have been different. We would have been happy together.
“Goodnight, Lady Jane.”
He turned away before she could say anything although there was nothing to be said. This was the end of her happiest moments. “Goodnight, Colin,” she whispered, as she watched him go.
She stood frozen in place. She deserved the misery she was feeling after what she had done. But she had no choice.
I have to become the villain to keep them all safe.
