“How would you know what to do? You are without a wife nor a child.” Colin interjected, a challenging glint in his eyes.
“I might not have a wife nor children, but you forget that I am an uncle myself and my nieces and nephews all adore me.” Mark stated with a smug grin on his face.
Colin grunted in response, taking a sip of the chamomile tea before him. Mark was once again on his no liquor journey, although it doesn’t usually last long.
In a somber tone, Mark advised him. “You want to keep your nieces on their best behavior? You want them to be properly behaved and attuned to society? Work hand in hand with Jane and see how everything pans out. Your nieces require a female’s presence in their mind and Jane can serve as their mother figure. You need to get rid of your crude ways of getting things done. Don’t be standoffish to your nieces, you’re their uncle for goodness’s sake. You don’t have to be rigid in all of your endeavors, it can be unappealing at times and completely unnecessary.”
There was a moment of silence as Colin mulled over Mark’s words. He made a lot of sense, albeit how difficult his words were to swallow. Colin knew he needed to tone down just how hard he'd been on the girls. His brother’s face flashed in front of him, a subtle reminder of the constant burden he carried. He loved his brother, but he couldn’t help but feel a slight tinge of resentment and bitterness towards him. Why didn’t he fight harder to be a responsible father to his children? Why didn’t he fight harder to keep the title he had fought for all his life? Why did he have to take the easy way out by dying and leaving everything in his hands?
“Sometimes, I wonder why my brother chose to pass on to the other side rather than be with his girls,” he said to Mark. “I am not caught up for this position, Mark. I was trained to be a soldier not a duke. That was my brother’s calling, he had all the teachings and trainings and our grandmother’s advice.” Colin massaged his eyeballs tiredly. “You know, there was once a time when I was jealous of Algernon.” He scoffed at the ridiculousness of it.
“Why was that, if I might ask?”
Colin sighed.
“I used to feel like I didn’t matter, like he was the favorite child and I always felt neglected. I was young then and I went as far as refusing to speak with him throughout that period.” Colin laughed lightly as memories of those good old days came flooding his mind. “Algernon, being the compassionate brother that he was, did not deter in reaching out, nor did he relent.” Colin rubbed his palm over his mouth. “Algernon loved the duties of a duke; why then did he give it all up just because he lost his wife?” He looked at Mark as if expecting him to give an answer.
“Love is the most powerful emotion, my friend- which also makes it the most dangerous,” came the reply.
“I do not want this life,” Colin blurted out. “Never did. You know me, Mark, my dream has always been to live up in the mountains and explore the entire country.” He sighed. “Now, I can’t do any of that because my dreams have all been shattered to pieces.”
“Will you heed my advice?” Mark asked.
Although Colin didn’t reply, his expression made it palpable that he was paying attention.
“This is your reality now, Colin. So, instead of complaining about it, you should embrace it and move on. You have a wife now with two little girls to cater for. Your life might have changed, it might not have turned out the way that you planned it- but my friend, such is life. It happens to the best of us and the best way to live and survive these changes that life does to us and our plans is to accept it. Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can,” Mark concluded.
Colin was quiet, his mind thinking about a million things at the same time but one thing was certain; Mark was right. This was his reality now and he had to accept it.
The clock suddenly chimed, signaling how late the night had become. Colin got to his feet., “Thank you, Mark. I shall have to take my leave. It was great seeing you again my friend, let’s not do this again.”
Mark chuckled deeply, clasping his hand in Colin’s. “The pleasure is all mine.”
The door made a creaking sound as Colin quietly opened it only standing at the doorstep, checking up on his nieces. They were already asleep, limbs tangled against each other, loud snores filling the air. It was surely a sight. A wry smile formed on Colin’s lips, as he shook his head amusingly and shut the door.
“I need a drink,” he murmured. He made his way to his room desperate for the bitter taste of whiskey. His footsteps came to a sudden halt- in front of his room. His friend’s words came echoing in his mind,try to be friends with her.He could almost feel Mark’s disapproving gaze on him as he sauntered past the room.
My apologies, Mark, not tonight.
A few hours later, after downing a whole bottle of whiskey, Colin staggered to the sofa in the library where he was least likely to be found. Immediately he laid there, he succumbed to sleep. However, memories from the past hit him like a ton of bricks. Memories of his late brother, images of his lifeless body, echoes of gunshots during the war, screams of the soldiers… they all flooded his mind like a torrential downpour of rain.
He shook his head, desperate to free himself from the shackles of the past that clung to the corners of his consciousness. “No, no. Stop!” he mumbled, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead. His legs thrashed violently, while his arms stuck right beside him, almost like he was afraid to wield them. He could feel the metallic taste of blood on his lips from his first kill, he could feel the heat at the camp. He could feel everything.
“Wake up! Colin, wake up!” An urgent voice called out his name.
Who’s that? What is happening? Why can’t I wake up?
The voice persisted, trying to lull him out of the deep hole he dug for himself.
Suddenly, he felt a soft hand, gently caressing his hair, as the voice, tinged with concern continued too quietly.
“I need you to wake up now, Your Grace. You are frightening me.”
With a loud gasp, he suddenly sprung awake, breathing heavily. His unsettled gaze fell on the one person he wouldn’t have guessed in his wildest dreams – Jane. And she was staring at him with a puzzled look in her eyes.
“What in God’s name happened to you?” She whispered hauntingly.
